Relative left disproportionate estate to me

[Lilacleaves]

A very dear relative passed away recently and left a substantial amount of her estate to me and my children. Other relatives and their kids who would have felt equally close to her were left little or nothing.

She told me this near the end of her illness and said it was because she felt we needed it more than the other relatives as their kids would be financially comfortably taken care of in life. I feel very uncomfortable about it though. Once it becomes known I feel the other relatives may resent me and my family even though we didn't have any influence in this decision. I would have advised against it if I had known before illness struck. I don't know if I should regift some to the other children or is that going against the individuals' wishes? There would also be tax implications in this as I will have paid tax on the original inheritance. Thank you.

Tax wise if the inheritance is not yet distributed I think you can vary the will with the agreement of all the beneficiaries - so the money goes straight from the deceased estate in the way you have varied it.

I think , to be honest, if someone left me money that could help my kids at uni/house deposit etc I would hang onto it - whatever others might think.

Respect your relative’s wishes and keep your head down.

I think you go by your relatives wishes what happens to their money. I think it's quite disrespectful to her and your kids.

Don't say she'd told you, just look equally surprised and don't make a big fuss.

Is your late relative correct to have stated that you need it more than thd other relatives and that their children will be reasonably comfortable without?

If I was an elderly childless great-aunt who had a number of adult nieces and nephews most of whom were comfortably off and in stable careers and marriages and one was a single mum with a precarious financial situation and no support from her ex I would very much leave my assets unevenly split in favour of the latter and I would be angry if anyone tried to guilt her into spreading it around, so would come back to haunt them until they repented of their selfish greed.

Legally you can't give a minors inheritance away so if it's left just to you you could do a deed of variation so long as you are not on benefits as it would be considered deprivation of assets. But if the estate is left directly to your children you can't do a deed of variation assuming you're in England or Wales rules are different in Scotland

This happened to my dh. When his grandfather passed he left everything to my dh. It was quite a shock as although they had a great relationship, his siblings did too. One even cared for him solidly in his final weeks and was with him when he passed.

Dh felt uncomfortable with it so met with his siblings and they decided to split between the three of them. The money would have been great but it would most definitely of caused a rift in the family. And family means the world to my dh. It was a long time ago but if I remember rightly they went to executor (uncle) and he sorted a variation?. Anyway it can be done if that's what you wish.

Sorry for your families loss x

If some of it is going on tax l would definitely vary it to offset that at least. If its going to cause major issues with your siblings l would think about how close l was to them and how it would impact my life if they reacted badly. Sometimes family support is worth more than money.

Assuming England & Wales.... you don't pay inheritance tax receiving the money.... it's paid before the money is distributed.

You can do a deed of variation within the first two years (iirc) which is then legally as
if the will was written that way. Unless it's very small amounts, that's better than you receiving the money than giving it to someone else.

But.... take a bit of time to let things sink in and don't rush into a decision.

Why are your relatives more comfortably off than you?
Unless you have a disability, everyone has a freedom of choice right? It's usually these choices that leads to discrepancies in how well off people are ..... it's a shame people are penalised for making good choices

If you’re talking about your siblings and their children, I would personally do a deed of variation so it’s split evenly between your family and theirs. I wouldn’t dream of accepting the lions share if they had an equal relationship with the deceased. Depending on how much you value your relationship with your siblings, inheritance discrepancies can cause lifelong rifts.

Thank you.

I wouldn't change what she left specifically to my kids as that is their property. However she left what will be left of her estate including her house to me and my kids after paying out quite small amounts to other nieces, nephews and siblings.

Some relatives definitely don't need money. My family earn less but not on benefits at all, I choose to stay home to raise kids instead of working. It would change our lives and our kids future prospects for buying houses etc. If split evenly between everyone the amounts wouldn't be big as its a large family. Maybe she choose to change our lives rather than keep everyone happy.

My kids are younger but the other relatives' kids are still starting out in life and trying to buy houses etc. She was very close to all the kids but saw mine more as we lived closer. She saw me more too. Some relatives were a bit mean to her occasionally but she definitely cared a lot about them all so I don't think that was the motivation.

Apart from the money I'm worried it might upset them to think she didn't love them all.

I'm also the executor so I can look into making a change but I'd have to apply it to all the kids and not just pick the ones with less money. And I'd have to figure out the tax to make sure it was worthwhile for everyone.

I dont want negative reactions to this impacting me and my kids relationships with extended family so I may look into it.

You respect her wishes. I would be so angry if anyone second guessed my wishes when I passed as I would have made the decisions I did for MY reasons. Stuff your opinion, not relevant.

Honestly do what the family member wanted. It's literally her final wishes, she went to great time and effort to change her will and I genuinely don't believe anybody should have the right to override that just because somebody has died.

You say she saw your kids more often. Other relatives were actually mean to her at times. Do as she wanted.

I don’t think you have to respect her wishes. She gave you a gift, you are allowed to want to change that gift, she lost control of the gift once it went to you.

Its my sister that died. I probably knew her best in the last decade as we saw each other a lot but my siblings wouldn't think that was the case as they were close growing up then saw each other less over the years. Theyd talk on the phone weekly though. They probably also aren't aware they were mean to her. She would just tell me about things that had happened and that had upset her but I'd say they were oblivious. It was quite superficial stuff though and she wouldn't have taken this out on their kids.

She didn't change her will as this was the first one she wrote about 3 months before getting a diagnosis. She didn't know she was sick.

I was very surprised by all this and am trying to figure out her motivations.

What’s the point of will if your wishes can be dismissed?

The whole point of a will is that the deceased has peace of mind about what happens to their assets and money.

i will come back and haunt anyone who doesnt follow my will when I'm dead.

You do a will for a reason, so follow it for gods sake.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if life was that simple.

🙄

I think you take what is given and then are in a better position to help when you can

Listen to your sister and respect her wishes

Keep the will as it is.

My mum did a deed of variation on her father's will because it was written 10 years before he died and a few family circumstances had changed.

But this will was written just 3 months ago and that is how she wanted it to be.

You have been very close for the last decade or so, spent lots of time with her including your kids. You helped the most, you are taking on the work of executor which is no small job.

Still to the letter of the will, pay for an executor from your share.

Im
So sorry for your loss.

I'd split it. I don't understand why there would be any tax implications.

It feel really wrong and unfair to keep the money. If you split it then you will be able to relax and not worry about your decision. If you keep all the money it will always cause a problem with your family.

What do you think is the right thing to do? You say you would have told her not to give it all to you if she had asked? Why? Surely the reasoning then is the same as how?

Also, your sister has had her wishes met. The money has gone to you. Assuming she didn't stipulate what it was to be spent on there is no moral reason to keep all of it. Thats a weak argument.

Honestly, respect her wishes and put you and your family first- it's what she evidently wanted and it'll enrich your life. Sharing it out or whatever else will probably make things worse as how much and who would then be your decision and not your sisters.

Sorry for your loss as well, honestly she wanted this, keep the money.

Why do some women have guilt like this? It's very bizarre and a bit pathetic to be honest.