Relative left disproportionate estate to me

[Lilacleaves]

A very dear relative passed away recently and left a substantial amount of her estate to me and my children. Other relatives and their kids who would have felt equally close to her were left little or nothing.

She told me this near the end of her illness and said it was because she felt we needed it more than the other relatives as their kids would be financially comfortably taken care of in life. I feel very uncomfortable about it though. Once it becomes known I feel the other relatives may resent me and my family even though we didn't have any influence in this decision. I would have advised against it if I had known before illness struck. I don't know if I should regift some to the other children or is that going against the individuals' wishes? There would also be tax implications in this as I will have paid tax on the original inheritance. Thank you.

Leaving things unequally unless there is a very good reason is always a recipe to create division amongst the beneficiaries.
However, it seems like your sister was capable of decision making, not an old lady with dementia or similar, so it’s a tricky situation. It’s a shame she didn’t leave a letter explaining her choices.

So OP - if you only look at your 1/6th and you note that other siblings have had some bequests - is the balance really that different at the sibling level?

Please @Lilacleaves remember the maxim "never let a good deed go unpunished".

You have no way of knowing what your relatives think, you have no way of controlling their beliefs, attitudes and thoughts about the distribution of the will.

you could vary the will to give them an amount, and then they are disappointed because they want more, or feel you don't deserve the money and they do.

your motives are kind, but the will is the deceased's stated wishes about how their estate is distributed, so don't feel you need to adjust their beliefs and wishes, because of your perception of what is fair or otherwise.

the money is for you and your children, so use it thus and stay discreet about discussing it with others. Don't feel forced into justifying anything.

I think you should respect your Sister’s wishes. I would feel very guilty if I didn’t.
It’s what she wanted and that should be how it should be.
You don’t know exactly how much the other Siblings hurt her in the past when they were mean.I know she spoke to you about it but perhaps she held some resentment about that.
She may have been thinking she couldn’t cherry pick certain siblings to leave her estate to so chose you, her favourite and her most helpful sibling.

If she left 50% of her money to your children and 50% to you, you can only do a deed to gift away your 50%, the kids money is their's and you can't touch it.

If this is the case, you can only gift away 1/6th of the estate as the rest doesn't belong to you so you have to ask if it'd be worth it 🤷‍♀️

You brothers and sisters might well feel resentful of her choices, but you have done nothing wrong. If they are upset about her rather than the money, then the money won’t help.

You have complete control over only your pot.

You will be doing nothing wrong or unethical if you keep the money.

The first question to ask yourself is why you want a variation? Is it because you think your sister was being unfair, or because you want to keep the peace? If the latter - do you think giving away some of your inheritance will actually help? If so, use your pot to equalise things as best you can.

Only you can decide. There are no tax implications.

If my mother left more money to my sister without discussing it with me (and I’d accept it if she wanted to) I’d be upset. But I wouldn’t begrudge my sister getting more.

Stop this. Accept her wish and move on. You are kind at heart and she decided you deserved this. Accept the gift.

You don’t have to tell everyone about the content of her will.

Distribute it as she requested

My understanding is that beneficiaries receive a copy of the will, and that wills become public in due course anyway.

And I assume if DSis had a house worth, say, £500k and four siblings and eight niblings get £10k each, the maths is pretty easy that either a lot went to charity or one relative got a bigger chunk.

What a pig ignorant comment.

Have you lived in the real world with real people who live real lives?!

It's not as if she has cut off your other siblings, you say she has left sums to them too.
She wanted you and your children to have what she has stipulated, I don't think it's your place to try to change that. This was a recent will, she knew what she was doing and why, you don't know her reasons.

I guarantee this is going to cause bad feeling.

Wills do at the best of times, but this is very difficult. You chose not to work so are less well off than your siblings and can provide less for your kids due to it. And your sister has used this as justification to give the others less. Now this is her right, and you should keep it. And it would be lovely if the others said no worries. But human nature says, this is probably unrecoverable from in terms of family harmony.

OP has five kids - there are some but not loads of jobs that would cover childcare costs for that many. And it is the kids getting the bulk of the residue after other family bequests.

It also seems like her kids are quite a bit younger, given she talks about house deposits for the niblings. DSis may have felt it was fairer to give the money to the young kids she saw often, rather than to young adults for whom it would be nice not essential.

I don’t think it matters what she thought , what matters is how the others will perceive it. And sadly I don’t think it will go well. It never does when wills come in. The truth is if it had been split equally the others would all have got a lot more. That’s what they will see. The op and her kids getting what the others would have had. This shit always causes bad feeling.

She has left them money, I would stick to the terms of the will because once you start trying to change things people may decide to negotiate and make cases for who deserves more or less and it will become even more messy. Stick to the terms of the will it's easier and fairer because you are doing what she wanted.

I be honest, much as I can sense you don't want to cause your family any upset, I couldn't bring myself to disrespect the wishes of the person who had passed away. They made a choice, for reasons known only fully to them and I think that ought to be adhered to.

Maybe.

My mum’s will splits her money equally. I am not the sibling who has done the most and I am the sibling most financially comfortable. If Mum chose to change her will to reflect that, I would be relaxed.