Relative left disproportionate estate to me

[Lilacleaves]

A very dear relative passed away recently and left a substantial amount of her estate to me and my children. Other relatives and their kids who would have felt equally close to her were left little or nothing.

She told me this near the end of her illness and said it was because she felt we needed it more than the other relatives as their kids would be financially comfortably taken care of in life. I feel very uncomfortable about it though. Once it becomes known I feel the other relatives may resent me and my family even though we didn't have any influence in this decision. I would have advised against it if I had known before illness struck. I don't know if I should regift some to the other children or is that going against the individuals' wishes? There would also be tax implications in this as I will have paid tax on the original inheritance. Thank you.

This.

It's one reading my estate is entirely going to elephant rescue.

This.

I would be so angry if I went to the trouble to express my wishes and someone took it upon themselves to negate them.

It's super disrespectful to your sister. Carry out her plan; don't second guess.

You could gift some generous Christmas, birthday and wedding presents to the other family members if it's bothering you.

The fact that it’s your sister changes things. Originally I assumed it was a maiden aunt or similar - in that case I would have suggested sharing it. But your sister is someone very close - you should respect her wishes.

The will should be distributed according to the wishes of the relative who died.

That said, I think it's awful when people use their will to make unequal distributions. The fact that one beneficiary may seem to be in more need is just a snapshot in time... life can throw curve balls and other beneficiaries who receive less may get sick/lose their job/ divorce etc etc

Also, people can sometimes be financially less well off just through their own choices, eg: if someone chooses not to work, or chooses to work very part time for their own life balance, then they may very well be less well off than someone working full time. It's bloody awful to reward the person who is choosing to work less imo.

In these situations it's quite understandable that some relatives may feel resentment and that they're being treated less favourably. I don't think there's any way round that.

I strongly believe that wills should be respected.. follow your sisters wishes.. that is a decision she made about the dispersal of her estate.
You will never please everyone.. but you can please your sister..

Was there a reason that she didn't like her other siblings or nieces and nephews? It's quite a strong message she has sent them?

She did love them all and she has given each a good sum of money in the will but my share and my kids is proportionately much larger.

My opinion is you should do exactly what your sister has requested in her will for her estate.........there would be no point in any of us making a will if it wasn't carried out! 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️
Having said that mine is completely evenly distributed between my three, I wouldn't want any ill feeling between them post my demise.

Yep.

Its also ethically questionable to unilaterally decide to regift money intended for your children to avoid some real or imagined social awkwardness.

That was a very recent will, so respect her wishes.

I think you should accept the money.

If it was a parent that had died or a grandparent there can be an expectation that they should love (and treat in the will) all the kids equally - even if one devotes their life to caring for them and one phones only when they want something.

I don't think that there is the same expectation that you should leave your estate to siblings at all, and that if you do that you should treat them equally. Your sister could have made you executor and left it all to the local cat's home if she wanted and it wouldn't mean she doesn't care about her siblings.

She left it to you because you were close and she wanted to. It's not about who is poorest/who works hardest - it is her estate and she wanted you and your kids to inherit the bulk of it.

Your siblings might not be as surprised as you as they knew you were close and didn't see so much of her. Your other nieces and nephews might just be grateful for the gift that they get.

I can pretty much guarantee if your sister left her estate to a different sibling that they wouldn't be sharing it equally with you. They would respect the fact that it was her decision to make and she made it for her own reasons.

Thank you Winter. I do think they might not be shocked, surprised but not shocked. She relied on me a lot once she became ill and everyone saw how close we were. I have tried to think how I'd feel if it was left to another sibling. It's hard to say to be honest. I certainly never imagined inheriting from her ever since we are siblings so I didn't think about her dying.

I feel greedy if I keep it when there is the possibility of sharing it but then I think maybe it's not mine to share, it was hers to give.

She asked me to distribute some small items of hers as I saw fit so I can share these around to family members.

Perhaps when the will was written it was more but with increases in house value it seems disproportionately more now than it did then.

Please stop stressing about what your siblings and niblings may or may not think and honour her wishes.

I feel greedy if I keep it when there is the possibility of sharing it but then I think maybe it's not mine to share, it was hers to give

There really is nothing stopping you sharing your own share. If you don't want to then own your decision. Keeping the money she gave you and not sharing it with your siblings is obviously going to make your siblings think that you value the money over your relationship with them. Do you honestly think your sister would want you to not share the money if that what you wanted to do.

I'd offer to share my share of the money. It wouldn't cross my mind to keep it. If I was one of the siblings and you gave me the money I'd then give it to my kids.

It’s going to cause a rift no doubt, even if you share your own share as family will feel resentful your children have been gifted more. Up to you whether you try and correct that, but I do feel decisions like this can cause a lot of grief for beneficiaries as few relatives who will think it’s fair, even though the person can gift to anyone they like

This is not a mother or grandmother, but a sister. She had decided it and she should be respected.

Honestly, I don't think you should share. This is what your sister wanted. You were clearly close and maybe she was worried that your finances were a bit uncertain. How lovely of her to rectify that.

IMO if you did change it, there would still be resentment, anyway.

Thanks all

If you were my sisters I wouldn’t begrudge either of you. I would just assume there was something I didn’t know about the relationship, but lets be honest they probably did know you were closer.

I am so sorry for your loss. Please respect her wishes - she may have had more foresight than you can think of now. I would be incredibly upset if my wishes weren’t respected when I die. It’s her last will, please respect it.

Think long and hard about whether you feel entitled to distribute money left for your children to be comfortable.

Do you only have brothers?

My childless aunt was clear that she would leave nothing to her brothers or her brothers children (of whom I am one).

So you have 5 children and she didn't have any?

Is this the case where she partially lived "having children" through yours?

Thanks. Someone pointed out above that if the will says the money was to be shared equally by me and my kids that the decision is out of my hands as I can't touch the money she specified by my kids. I hadn't realised till I check that she did word it that way. I wouldn't redistribute anything she specified for my kids even if I could as yes that was a clear decision she made to help them.

She did love my kids a lot but also saw a lot of her other nieces and nephews.

I have sisters as well as brothers.