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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Relative left disproportionate estate to me

93 replies

Lilacleaves · 03/08/2024 01:06

A very dear relative passed away recently and left a substantial amount of her estate to me and my children. Other relatives and their kids who would have felt equally close to her were left little or nothing.

She told me this near the end of her illness and said it was because she felt we needed it more than the other relatives as their kids would be financially comfortably taken care of in life. I feel very uncomfortable about it though. Once it becomes known I feel the other relatives may resent me and my family even though we didn't have any influence in this decision. I would have advised against it if I had known before illness struck. I don't know if I should regift some to the other children or is that going against the individuals' wishes? There would also be tax implications in this as I will have paid tax on the original inheritance. Thank you.

OP posts:

GiantHornets · 03/08/2024 09:07

I'm also the executor so I can look into making a change but I'd have to apply it to all the kids and not just pick the ones with less money

Being the executor doesn’t mean you can change the terms of the will.
You can only vary your own bequest ie the portion that you are due to receive individually. You cannot vary your children’s legacy at all.
I suggest that you speak to a solicitor if you really want to divert your own legacy to other family members

ForGreyKoala · 03/08/2024 09:11

Flatandhappy · 03/08/2024 08:31

You respect her wishes. I would be so angry if anyone second guessed my wishes when I passed as I would have made the decisions I did for MY reasons. Stuff your opinion, not relevant.

Exactly. What is the point of making a will and distributing your estate the way you want it to be when others simply change it?

isthesolution · 03/08/2024 09:12

Are you close to the siblings who she has left less to? Because if so - this is definitely going to cause a rift.

However your sister made the will stating her wishes.

It's a tough one.

WitchyBits · 03/08/2024 09:13

Lilacleaves · 03/08/2024 08:39

Its my sister that died. I probably knew her best in the last decade as we saw each other a lot but my siblings wouldn't think that was the case as they were close growing up then saw each other less over the years. Theyd talk on the phone weekly though. They probably also aren't aware they were mean to her. She would just tell me about things that had happened and that had upset her but I'd say they were oblivious. It was quite superficial stuff though and she wouldn't have taken this out on their kids.

She didn't change her will as this was the first one she wrote about 3 months before getting a diagnosis. She didn't know she was sick.

I was very surprised by all this and am trying to figure out her motivations.

Edited

Hey motivation is that she was closest to you and your kids and that's it.

I have a full sister, 3 half siblings and 2step siblings. I am by far the closest to my full sister and her kids. I see her pretty much daily and we talk constantly through the day. I see 1 half sister ( youngest) abd her son maybe 1-2 weekly and we talk Atleast weekly. We often. Go away together. The other 2half siblings we check in by text made once a year. The step siblings were don't talk to at all.

If I died tomorrow and had to decide who to leave my estate to, it would be the two sisters I talk to regularly. The two I holiday with and whose kids I adore. My full sister would get more as she has two disabled children and can only work 12-14 hours a week. The youngest sister works full time and is very career driven but I'd want her to get something for her and her son to reflect that I love them. The others wouldn't get anything, they wouldn't even be mentioned tbh. I don't care that we were close once upon a time. We aren't now. And that money would be life changing to my sister/nephews. So I'd probably say 2/3 to my full sister to buy a house and 1/3 split between my sister and nephew for house deposits uni etc.

BeeCucumber · 03/08/2024 09:13

I am sorry that you lost your sister. Respect her final wish and do as she has asked. Your extended family should be happy for you and not be jealous of you. If they do make a fuss and demand their “share”, you will then see why your sister did what she did.

AlwaysFreezing · 03/08/2024 09:25

Your sister knew what she wanted. She put it in her will. Respect those wishes.

I am sorry for your loss.

AdaColeman · 03/08/2024 09:35

How sad that you have lost your dear sister. I think you should abide by the terms of her will, this will be her last gift to you and your children. She wanted to give you the chance of a better life, so don't throw that away by redistributing her money.

You mention that she could be upset by the actions of other relatives, so think how upset she would have been if she had know that you would disregard her carefully thought out, kind and generous plans and hopes for you and your children.

Original poster

Lilacleaves · 03/08/2024 09:51

GiantHornets · 03/08/2024 09:07

I'm also the executor so I can look into making a change but I'd have to apply it to all the kids and not just pick the ones with less money

That's interesting. So if the will says she wants to leave the remaining amount of her estate to me and my children does that mean I can't change that? I am working with a solicitor on this but haven't discussed this yet, it's difficult.

OP posts:

LemongrassLollipop · 03/08/2024 10:05

You can only redirect the amount to you as you are an adult and therefore legally able to sign the deed of variation. Your children cannot because they're under 18.

If you employ a solicitor as executor the legal fees are deducted before the estate is divided so no one beneficiary bears the brunt of the legal costs.

How much have you and the children been left and how much is the net estate worth? A couple of thousands Vs couple of hundred thousand might put a whole different slant on things.

Original poster

Lilacleaves · 03/08/2024 10:19

I'm not sure of the amounts yet but if it's split evenly between me and my 5 kids as the will states it will help pay for college, be a good deposit on a house for them in the future and take pressure off me now

OP posts:

Thatwouldbeme · 03/08/2024 10:31

She made a will, to me that's it you honer it. If you change it, your family may still be unhappy with what you do and then that's on you, as it is, this is your sister's wishes.

Original poster

Lilacleaves · 03/08/2024 10:51

I am leaning towards honouring her wishes because she must have put a lot of thought into this. She wouldn't have done this without thinking it through. I feel like she's still around in my life, I cant believe shes gone and it's disrespectful to change her plan. However, others will say that of course I'd think that.

OP posts:

LemongrassLollipop · 03/08/2024 11:05

It sounds like you are expecting a backlash from other family members and almost seeking some form of permission to accept your inheritance. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your sister set out her wishes, it is what she wanted.

💐

Original poster

Lilacleaves · 03/08/2024 11:12

Yes I'm hoping to avoid unpleasantness and I care about our relationship with family, but I also believe in fairness and love my nieces and nephews, some of whom are trying to save for houses. But my sisters estate wouldn't stretch that far between them all! I suppose I don't feel we deserve more than other relatives and I wish she had explained it to me. Maybe they would accept it and not be resentful, it's hard to predict.

OP posts:

keepYourDogQuiet · 03/08/2024 11:22

What about getting your kids to keep their share but splitting your share just with your remaining siblings.

There is no legal reason you can't do this and honouring your sisters wishes is one way of thinking about it but what she has done is made sure that her death has caused upset and divide in your family. Was that really her intention? You say she was close to the other relatives too but it doesn't seem like it.

If you split 'your' portion of the money then it would prevent a lot of upset.
It depends how important your family is compared with the money. At the moment you are choosing the money.

Original poster

Lilacleaves · 03/08/2024 11:24

Yes thanks, I'll consider that. It's helpful to talk it through here as I can't really discuss it with many people in real life.

OP posts:

RogueFemale · 03/08/2024 11:27

It sounds as if you were your sister's closest relative? i.e. the other family members you speak of are not your sister's other siblings? If so, it seems perfectly reasonable for you to receive the bulk of the estate and for the others to expect less (especially when they've been 'mean' to your sister). Honour your sister's wishes. I would hate for my own will to be tinkered with after I died.

burnoutbabe · 03/08/2024 11:29

Does it actually say "house to you and your kids"

So you each get 1/6th.

And you can only therefore share/vary your 1/6th with others. Not the other 5/6th.

Tax should not have any effect on varying or not. Why do you think it will change if you vary? It's based on the value of the estate.

Motnight · 03/08/2024 11:30

olympicsrock · 03/08/2024 08:49

Listen to your sister and respect her wishes

This

Original poster

Lilacleaves · 03/08/2024 11:33

Other family are also siblings and nieces and nephews. Yes it states house and remainder of estate to be split evenly between me and my kids. It's quite a detailed document.

OP posts:

vanana · 03/08/2024 11:37

You definitely should honour her wishes - she did this with full mental capacity and wanted to change you/your kids’ lives.

Anyone whining about it can view a copy of the will.

Any negativity towards you is the responsibility of the person dishing it out. Do not compromise your kids’ futures to avoid this.

vanana · 03/08/2024 11:38

Inheritance tax is going to be targeted by the current govt. I’d work quickly and get probate.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 03/08/2024 11:42

I could be wrong about this, but I don't think any changes the government makes to inheritance tax can be backdated to apply to estates of people who've already died. So I wouldn't worry about that.

Chewbecca · 03/08/2024 11:44

FYI, the tax payable is the same regardless of who inherits, it is the estate that pays tax, not the person who inherits. The residual estate after tax is then distributed.

Just checking you are in England, rules are different in different countries!

rainbowstardrops · 03/08/2024 11:49

I think you should respect your sister's wishes. If your other siblings and nieces and nephews have an issue with the situation then that's up to them.
Your sister clearly had her reasons for setting out the will as she has.

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