Sudden death of husband

[Birthdaycake369]

My husband died on Saturday from a sudden suspected heart attack, he was only in his mid forties. I heard a bang and found him face down in our home and called 999. The operator told me to do chest compressions and the ambulance came but they couldn’t get a heart beat for a long time. He was taken to hospital but the next day we had to let him slip away as the doctors said his brain was so badly damaged he couldn’t recover. We have 2 primary aged children together. I feel deeply traumatised by what happened, I’m feeling quite numb but also crying and also have feelings of guilt. People keep saying I should have some grief counselling, is there any counselling that others who have been through similar could recommend? Thanks

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to read this addition to your story, that is awful and I am thinking of you and sending you love @Birthdaycake369

I am very sorry for your loss. Please try to get all the help you need and whilst guilt is a normal feeling, none of this is your fault at all x

Gosh, what an awful time you have been through.

You must do what you need to do for your own well-being. Don’t feel you need to protect his memory if it’s not right for you.

I hope you can talk this through with a professional

Look after yourself OP. This is a lot to cope with, and none of it is your fault. Do you have any professional help for yourself?

Oh I'm so sorry, that must have been, and still clearly is awful. Is the counsellor providing any useful support/coping mechanisms? You sound very lost xxx

Thank you all for your messages. The counselling is helping as it’s my only outlet to talk about it and I’m coming to a kind of acceptance of what happened now. The hardest part is accepting that he didn’t feel the way he said he felt about me. It’s made me feel like I can’t grieve for him anymore and I feel quite numb. Hopefully this will pass with time

Oh gosh, just read your updates re finding the phone. That's so difficult, horrible to have to process learning that in the middle of grieving, it must make you feel that your understanding of him and your relationship was not what it was at all. And really hard to deal with when others don't have this knowledge and have different views of him. I would say, allow yourself to open up to select trusted people about this if you can, it will help you feel less alone. Wishing you strength

I'm really sorry to hear your update. A friend of mine had the same, very sudden death, young children and then finding things on his phone that blew up all her memories. She has found a closed forum on the Widowed and Young website helpful, as it's for people with what she called "complicated grief". You apply to join it, it's not open to all and is private. Wishing you well.

@Scrapeagle thank you, I will have a look at that forum