Sudden death of husband

[Birthdaycake369]

My husband died on Saturday from a sudden suspected heart attack, he was only in his mid forties. I heard a bang and found him face down in our home and called 999. The operator told me to do chest compressions and the ambulance came but they couldn’t get a heart beat for a long time. He was taken to hospital but the next day we had to let him slip away as the doctors said his brain was so badly damaged he couldn’t recover. We have 2 primary aged children together. I feel deeply traumatised by what happened, I’m feeling quite numb but also crying and also have feelings of guilt. People keep saying I should have some grief counselling, is there any counselling that others who have been through similar could recommend? Thanks

Oh OP, how utterly devastating and heartbreaking for you all.

My best friend lost her husband in very similar circumstances to you. It has taken time but she is recovering well and is positive for hers and her children future.
Take everything hour by hour. Seek support if needed but don't feel bad for sending people away if you need space.
Keep talking on here if it helps you. MN is fabulous for support when you need it x

@wink1970 I’ve been again with the children today, it was better the second time actually, it felt less of a shock seeing him like that but obviously difficult for the children especially the youngest

Hi OP, just checking in to see how you are doing?

Happy for you to DM me if it might help.

Sending love x

So very sorry. What a shock. Take care.

@wink1970 hi, not too good this week. How do I send a DM please?

Click on the three dots in someone's post, and the option comes up.
I'm sorry you're struggling.

Hi OP, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I went through similar 25 years ago - my boyfriend died very suddenly of meningitis. My grief went in waves and steps, from denial to anger to despair to sadness to acceptance to grief...

it never goes away totally, but things do get better.

I wish you all the very best.

Counselling helped me, after a few months.

How are your kids doing? Is your support network helping?

I’m sorry, I have no advise, but I wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss and send you and your children my deepest love and sympathy 💐

Sorry for your sudden loss OP.
My ex husbands died unexpectedly 3 year ago. Although divorced and i am in a fab relationship, we shared 3 kids and were still amicable and actually very close. He fell down the stairs aged 53 and was dead on impact. What I would say was great for my youngest of 3 (all aged 24 17 and 14 at the time) was Cruse bereavement counselling. Bery important for the kids to have someone to talk to thats not mum. 18 months after his death DD got very drunk and an ambulance was called. She did it one more time about 4 months later and we then had a serious chat and booked counselling and Patricia who she seen was a godsend. She only needed 6 weeks but it helped her a lot.

@Birthdaycake369 I’m sorry you are struggling so much this week. Some days just are awful for no reason I find. Even small things like something in the house going wrong/cancelled plans are enough to set me back. Not every day is as bad though and I cling to that to get me through.

This may be a difficult weekend to negotiate, I am certainly struggling, but I hope you and your children are well supported by family and friends. Thinking of you and here if you want to chat/vent. Sending the hugs we all need xx

@TheShellBeach thank you 😊 @Mrsdht I looked at Cruse but could only see that they offered phone support, did your daughter have face to face counselling? My children are only primary age so I think they would just clam up on the phone. I think we would all benefit from some counselling. Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and for your kind words

Yes i felt F2F would be better for her and they gave her the choice. Was in a local church owned building about 5 mile away from home. The lady was a very young 70yo with heaps of experience in life and who mentioned when speaking to my daughter about her past jobs in a prison as a psychologist. My daughter had been wondering what to do but then decided to chose psychology and sociology at 6th form off the back of her meetings. And she helped her by giving her books for study. The prom was after her last meeting and my daughter sent her prom pics as promised. A really helpful lovely woman who helped us massively and I don't think we will forget her.
Good luck with it all

@Mrsdht Cruse say they have no face to face counselling for children or young people. It’s very difficult to find this for children it seems. I’ve tried Winston’s Wish too but they are also phone and online. I might ask at my GP surgery

Oh gosh OP that sounds horribly distressing, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

FWIW, I went for counselling about 3 months after my Dad died and I look back now thinking it was a bit too soon. I'd say you need to let the initial shock and grief settle down a little before you start talking too deeply about it.

Right now, just focus on getting through the day moment by moment, step by step. Anything else is a bonus. Look after yourself.

Our local hospice offer counselling with kids. Failing that can school recommend anyone ?

That's such a shame. I wonder if it's who's available dependent on the area and we hit lucky? My daughter was 15. Exactly a year ago when she started.
Her high school also offered counselling and even though she liked the lady, it was very hit and miss with attendance
Our barnardo have a children's counselling.option F2F as my workmates daughter used it and she was yr6 at school. I truly hope you get sorted and are bearing up ok.

We struggled to find the appropriate and longer-term counselling for my children (older than yours) so ended up paying for it, which probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but trying to fight through the system to get the very minimal support was so stressful and it was better in the end to get what we wanted and they needed that way.

@Mrsdht yes I wondered if it depends on the area as we are quite rural. @WayOutOfLine how did you go about finding the private counselling please?

Hello. I could have written this post myself. On 29/5 my lovely husband returned from work, complained of feeling unwell and suddenly had a massive cardiac arrest at home. He died in hospital a few days later. The last six weeks have been a blur and life is very challenging. Our kids are teenagers/young adults. I totally sympathise with you xx

@lewisk I’m so sorry to hear that you have been through the same experience, it’s such a shock isn’t it. I found it hard accepting one day he was fine with no illness/symptoms and the next gone forever. Sending you strength to get through the days xx

I am so sorry . Do you have family around you who can support you? You must be in complete shock.

Firstly I am sending love and kindness to you. In terms of counselling for the children - Winston's Wish offer support and counselling for children of all ages, as well as resources for schools to use. I'm not sure where you are in the country but hospices like Treetops also offer counselling for children. Xxx

winstonswish.org/

Exactly. He was young(ish!) - aged 54. Very fit - he cycled at least 100 miles a week and seemed very well. For us this came from no-where and is a massive shock. We had been together for over 30 years. I am coping but it is challenging. You are not alone I promise. I personally have three close friends, all in their early 50’s, who have lost their husbands. Sending you love. Xx

OP. There is a counselling organisation called Place2Be, a young person’s mental health service, that works in schools. Ask your children’s school if they work with this organisation. If not they may be able to recommend somewhere.