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Original poster

Outfit for girl (12) to wear at funeral

29 replies

FrazzledEm · 06/01/2023 20:36

We just lost my dad, and are making arrangements for his funeral. My daughter (12) is devastated - she adored her grandad 😔
I'm wondering what I should suggest she wears to the funeral? She hasn't worn a dress in a few years & mostly lives in tracksuit bottoms & baggy jumpers outside of school uniform. I need something respectful enough but that she will be willing to wear...any suggestions?

OP posts:
Goldenboysmum · 06/01/2023 20:43

Sorry for you loss

I'd let her wear what she feels comfortable in. She'll be upset and what's she wearing doesnt really matter. Let her wear what she wants or maybe offer to buy something in grandads favourite colour?

RagzRebooted · 06/01/2023 20:46

I'd let her decide, but offer to buy something if she doesn't feel she has anything suitable and wants to wear something different.
DD was 11 at MIL's funeral and I honestly don't remember what she wore, but it wasn't a dress. Probably non-ripped jeans and a clean/plain hoodie.

Hellocatshome · 06/01/2023 20:48

I would say let her wear what she wants but if you/she/her Grandad would want something more traditional I would say school skirt/trousers and blouse with maybe a black cardigan, presuming her school skirt/trousers are a fairly sensible colour.

cariadlet · 06/01/2023 20:49

I'm sorry for your loss.

I think your daughter needs to lopk clean and tidy but also feel comfortable.

My daughter (who was a couple of years older than yours at the time) bought a black jumpsuit for my dad's funeral. She looked smart and my Mum was happy with her outfit.

Blanketpolicy · 06/01/2023 20:57

Ds wore parts of his school uniform and black tie. He felt comfortable he was dressed in appropriate smart clothing similar to his dad and Uncle, I think once he got there, if he had written a hoodie he would have felt out of place.

ApolloandDaphne · 06/01/2023 21:23

My niece at age 13 wore shorts and a t shirt to my DFs funeral. She was heartbroken and just needed to be comfortable. My DF would not have cared what she was wearing.

ClosedAuraOpenMind · 06/01/2023 21:29

my 11 (nearly 12) year old DD attended my mothers funeral just before Christmas. She wore black leggings, a dark t shirt and a black hoodie. I figured having clothes she was comfortable in, and felt herself in, might help her on a strange day (was the first time she'd been at a funeral)
but don't overthink it, or stress. funerals aren't generally the big formal occasion they once were
sorry for your loss Flowers

CJCreggsGoldfish · 06/01/2023 21:31

I’m so sorry for your loss. I think she needs to be comfortable but if she wants to wear black then my DD has some black flares from H&M that look smart.

parietal · 06/01/2023 21:37

My dc in the same context - rapid shopping trip to H&M for black trousers & dark top. Plus dark school coat.

purser25 · 06/01/2023 21:38

School uniform or if she goes to a uniformed organisation the uniform I went to a funeral recently and all the great grandchildren wore beaver and cub uniform.

Simplelobsterhat · 06/01/2023 21:47

I was at a funeral with teen grandaughters there recently. One had black jeans, a black top and lighter trainers on and I thought that looked fine - had made an effort to fit in with funeral dress but obviously hasn't gone to the waste of buying new especially.

It's far more important that she is there and comfortable than what she wears. I agree with pps that some elements of school uniform could be used if she does want to be more formal, but it's not essential unless it's a family where that sort of thing is seen as important - and as a close relative you can set the tone that you want really. The last few funerals I've been to have had very mixed clothing - some black tie / dress but certainly not all. Many people more casual.

NewYearNora · 06/01/2023 21:51

purser25 · 06/01/2023 21:38

School uniform or if she goes to a uniformed organisation the uniform I went to a funeral recently and all the great grandchildren wore beaver and cub uniform.

This is such a strange convention isn't it? I remember wearing my school blazer to DG's funeral when I was about 13.

Findyourneutralspace · 06/01/2023 21:56

So sorry for your loss. At 12 my DS wore school pants and a navy jumper. For a girl who doesn’t wear dresses, I’d suggest black trousers or jeans (no rips) with a dark coloured top she feels comfortable in. Of course if she wants a dress, I’d say that’s fine too - doesn’t have to be black, just nothing too garish or skimpy.

tillytoodles1 · 06/01/2023 21:59

My granddaughter wore black to both of her granddads funerals - her choice-., she wore a black dress, tights and ankle boots. Once at 9, then again at 12.

belowfrozen · 06/01/2023 23:24

Mine wore black cargo pants and a black top

Mykittensmittens · 06/01/2023 23:32

We have a funeral in 2 weeks and my daughter is the same age. It’s her grandparent.

she lives in scruffy hoodies and jeans and never wants her hair back. She doesn’t like skirts at school.

however we have put something together which works for her. Thick tights, black jersey skirt and a black jumper which has a sewn in fake collar. Flat black pumps. School coat.

HerringBoneBlanket · 06/01/2023 23:42

My Dds wore jumpsuits with denim jackets and boots. Not all black but smart and comfy. My DF wouldn't have given 2 hoots but they wanted to feel they'd made an effort etc. I think ours were Next and H&M

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/01/2023 23:44

Black dress dress, black tights, black shoes. It'll be for an hour.

Help her show some respect.

Do you really think turning up in pink trackies is acceptable?

DialsMavis · 06/01/2023 23:53

I am sorry for your loss @FrazzledEm 💐
I think I would take her to H&M or similar and explain that whilst you want her to feel comfortable older relatives may think it is important to be smart and find something together. Although tbh it is your Dad so it doesn't really matter what others think at all. I hope the day goes as well as it can and is a comfort to you and your family.

Redblanky · 07/01/2023 00:00

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/01/2023 23:44

Black dress dress, black tights, black shoes. It'll be for an hour.

Help her show some respect.

Do you really think turning up in pink trackies is acceptable?

I don't know about OP's dad but mine would be furious at the idea of someone buying a whole outfit, including shoes to wear for an hour!

I think something from the smarter/neater end of what she normally wears, and is comfortable in, in a dark colour, is fine.

belowfrozen · 07/01/2023 08:33

Ask friends if their kids have anything suitable she can borrow. Buying can be a waste. I had to fork out £50 once for wedding shoes for my 11 year old that were work for 4 hours. She badly scratched the heel so I can't even sell or pass on

Original poster
FrazzledEm · 07/01/2023 11:38

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/01/2023 23:44

Black dress dress, black tights, black shoes. It'll be for an hour.

Help her show some respect.

Do you really think turning up in pink trackies is acceptable?

What a strange comment! Don't think anyone mentioned pink trackies...

OP posts:
Pinkbananas01 · 07/01/2023 11:41

My 3 DC just wore their school trousers/skirt & jumper with a plain ish top under.

Original poster
FrazzledEm · 07/01/2023 11:43

Thanks for all the suggestions, very helpful. Unfortunately her school uniform isn't an option, as it's pink & grey and she doesn't belong to Scouts or Guides.

My dad was quite traditional / old fashioned so I explained to her that she needs to look respectful. We chose a few black dresses she likes online last night for her to try so hopefully one of them will be ok.

OP posts:
gogohmm · 07/01/2023 11:53

I would let her wear a compromise eg how about a black corduroy pinafore dress and top with thick tights/leggings? It really doesn't matter though and purple is also considered an appropriate colour not just black