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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My lovely husband died today. He was 31.

276 replies

gillybean89 · 01/01/2023 20:18

My sweet, kind, wonderful husband died this morning. He was on his way to meet me and our children and was involved in a car accident. He was 31 and we have 2 DC aged 5 and 2. I am broken and lost and don't know where we go from here. He was my best friend in the whole world, my rock, my voice of reason, and the best dad I could have wished for for our children. Life is so cruel.

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 05/01/2023 15:37

Im so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you ❤

Binfluencer · 05/01/2023 15:41

@gillybean89 and @LuckyAugust

I'm
So sorry,

My husband died suddenly 34, in 2015. I had two tiny children and was 32. I wanted to die at the time, the grief was so intense. But that wasn't an option.

I wanted to tell you, you will be happy again. It will take work and strength but it will happen: my life is wonderful now, I have a great job, extended the house, kids are doing well and a new partner who supports us all.

We've had so many adventures and met wonderful friends over the last 8 years.

If you haven't already found it WAY, Widowed and Young is a fantastic source of peer support.

Feel free to DM me if it helps.

Always4Brenner · 05/01/2023 17:21

You are in my thoughts and prayers hugs all of you who’ve gone through this.

Original poster
gillybean89 · 05/01/2023 20:44

@Binfluencer I have taken great comfort in your message, thank you. It feels utterly impossible at the moment that we will ever feel happy or any sort of normal again. But I am comforted to hear that its possible one day.

OP posts:
Binfluencer · 05/01/2023 22:44

@gillybean89

I'm glad it brought you comfort, I have many young widowed friends through WAY and they are all very happy these days. Some have remarried and had more children, some have chosen adventure, some have changed careers, but all are doing well.

Candymay · 05/01/2023 23:00

I’m so so sorry for you. And for the other lovely people here who have lost their partners in such a traumatic way. There’s nothing I could say that could help but I wanted to say I’m thinking of you. I hope and pray you find some peace. You can’t have processed this yet so it will be a day at a time.

connie26 · 05/01/2023 23:04

So sorry for your loss 💐❤️

Smallorangecat · 06/01/2023 00:31

I am so sorry.
My DH died 15 months ago suddenly and unexpectedly. My DC were 6 and 10. The shock of him going out, completely healthy, and not coming home, was immense. To be honest, part of me expected him to come home for most of the first year.
At this point ignore people who say take it one day at a time. In my experience one whole day feels huge and full of unmanageable things. Take it one minute at a time, sometimes that minute will feel impossible but just breathe a few times and you will have survived that minute and can face the next one. There will be better bits where you can take one hour at a time and that’s good but one minute at a time is ok.
I haven’t read the whole thread but I hope you have people around you. My mum stayed for a few days and made meals and put them in front of us at regular intervals and helped get DC to school and tidied up. My dad helped me prioritise the admin and phone calls and things that needed sorting out.

I also really recommend joining WAY. It found out about it on my thread here, and it has been a great support to meet other people in the same situation.

BrownDaisy · 08/01/2023 13:53

This reply has been deleted

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Mammyloveswine · 09/01/2023 19:02

So sorry... I've just lost my mam suddenly and at the same time my husband as left.

It's so shit and it's not fair that shit things happen.

Sending so you so much love. Cant even begin to imagine what you're going through. Flowers

ErinAoife · 09/01/2023 19:08

I am so sorry. Take care.

arcencielpoisson · 09/01/2023 21:13

@gillybean89 just checking in.

BrownDaisy · 09/01/2023 21:17

I am very sorry for your loss.
There is a collection for the bereaved family which is not difficult to find if anyone wants to contribute.
I tried to post the it but wasn't allowed.

Original poster
gillybean89 · 09/01/2023 21:55

@arcencielpoisson thanks for checking in. I'm very up and down. Numb, mostly, and still thinking he will come home. I'm trying to stay strong for the DC, they are keeping me going at the moment. I have joined WAY but don't feel able to involve myself yet.

OP posts:
whataballbag · 16/01/2023 20:29

@gillybean89 How are you doing OP?

We lost my children's father just before Christmas very unexpectedly. Whilst we weren't together, he was my best friend.

It's hard to navigate your own grief and your children's too. My youngest is 5 too.

If you ever need to talk my inbox is always open. Sending you lots of love Flowers

Original poster
gillybean89 · 16/01/2023 20:44

@whataballbag I'm sorry to hear about your loss, how are your children?
It's all just rubbish today tbh. We've been to the funeral directors and it just feels so wrong to be having to think about coffins and flowers when I should be having a cup of tea and chatting with my lovely husband right now. It feels like a dream today and I'm desperately hoping I'll wake up. It's just all so so hard.

OP posts:
whataballbag · 17/01/2023 12:22

@gillybean89 They are up and down, the grief seems to be coming out in their behaviour, my youngest in particular seems to get very angry very quickly.

I understand that completely. I went to see my ex in the chapel of rest and it just felt surreal. I took him some drawings that the children had done and thought, I should be taking these to his house and he would put them up on the fridge. I didn't understand how I was sat next to his coffin when in reality it should have just been the normal mundane 'what time shall I pick DS up' conversations.

WillTimeCome · 17/01/2023 15:20

Smallorangecat · 06/01/2023 00:31

I am so sorry.
My DH died 15 months ago suddenly and unexpectedly. My DC were 6 and 10. The shock of him going out, completely healthy, and not coming home, was immense. To be honest, part of me expected him to come home for most of the first year.
At this point ignore people who say take it one day at a time. In my experience one whole day feels huge and full of unmanageable things. Take it one minute at a time, sometimes that minute will feel impossible but just breathe a few times and you will have survived that minute and can face the next one. There will be better bits where you can take one hour at a time and that’s good but one minute at a time is ok.
I haven’t read the whole thread but I hope you have people around you. My mum stayed for a few days and made meals and put them in front of us at regular intervals and helped get DC to school and tidied up. My dad helped me prioritise the admin and phone calls and things that needed sorting out.

I also really recommend joining WAY. It found out about it on my thread here, and it has been a great support to meet other people in the same situation.

This has brought tears to my eyes, in fact reading most of these threads and comments do. I am sorry sorry for you all and I am full of hope the way some of you have commented on how you come to terms and have gone on to be happy again.

vickibee · 17/01/2023 18:43

I lost my DH in July 21 all of a sudden, he went to work on a Monday morning and never came back
i am still in shock and disbelief 18 months later, part of me died that day as well.
sending hugs 🤗 and I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling.

Hillcrest2022 · 19/01/2023 00:07

@gillybean89 your thread has been on my mind and I wanted to just say that I am thinking about you. I know it is too early to say you will smile again one day...

I wish you comfort and peace. I hope you are getting the support you need through this time....

Keep reaching out here and in real-life and accept all the help and support that is being offered.

Hillcrest2022 · 19/01/2023 00:10

@vickibee I'm so sorry for your loss. These things don't make any sense and it's so confusing and hard. I wish you well.

Perfectpeace · 19/01/2023 00:11

I am so very sorry for your loss 💐

GherkOut · 19/01/2023 00:28

@gillybean89 I share this with you only to give you a small ray of hope:

My DF died in an accident, I was 7
My DH died in a road accident, I was 24
My 2nd DH died unexpectedly, we have x2 DCs (older though)

I'm still standing.

There have been times when I wasn't, times when I didn't want to be. But I am.

When you're adrift in that sea of grief, the people who love you will be your life raft. Cling on to them for as long as you need to. Even if that is years. They want to help.

For now, it's one day at a time. Or one hour, or one minute. Don't think too far ahead.

Sending my heartfelt sympathy.
Everything will be OK.

Naughtybutnice76 · 26/01/2023 22:45

I am so very sorry for your loss 💐 I have no experience of this kind of grief but my cousin and his now wife were both widowed young and met each other through a group for young widows. The wife has very recently started a podcast about young widows and talks very honestly about the grieving process. I've found it very relatable even though my loss is not that of a partner. Here's the link to the podcast;

open.spotify.com/show/1vZ8otUVlns8dqtz7zwn1S?si=V8qtaAOcSLaHA5Zx2a2fvw

Sending love ❤️

Naddd · 11/02/2023 06:21

Hope ur ok x