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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My lovely husband died today. He was 31.

276 replies

gillybean89 · 01/01/2023 20:18

My sweet, kind, wonderful husband died this morning. He was on his way to meet me and our children and was involved in a car accident. He was 31 and we have 2 DC aged 5 and 2. I am broken and lost and don't know where we go from here. He was my best friend in the whole world, my rock, my voice of reason, and the best dad I could have wished for for our children. Life is so cruel.

OP posts:
Original poster
gillybean89 · 02/01/2023 20:22

@Parroteets I think I've had about half an hours sleep. My mind is whirring.

I have no idea how I am going to raise 2 young children alone. I miss him terribly.

OP posts:
Windy1234 · 02/01/2023 20:36

I'm so so sorry to read this, my thoughts are with you and your dear children

Villagetoraiseachild · 02/01/2023 20:41

Dear gillybean, I'm thinking of you and sending prayers. I hope you get a better night tonight. You're probably still in shock and your brain is trying to process it. One day at a time.
A hot water bottle, a warm bath and lavender oil might be soothing...
Go for soup if other food too difficult.
These are just words.
Wishing you strength.

Lockupyourbiscuits · 02/01/2023 20:43

So sorry to hear of your terrible loss
You are in shock and need to let your friends and family help you
Your husband sounds like the most wonderful human and he lives on in your beautiful children
Take each hour at a time and in this shock let people take over and help you - I’m sure many many people loved him too let them help
i would advise contacting your GP to get something to help you sleep

sending you strength and condolences xxxx

GiuliaGiulia · 02/01/2023 22:11

I am so so sorry

I lost my husband very suddenly almost 2 months ago. It is simply awful, the sheer emptyness

I wish you lots of strength and I hope that you have people who can support you in person.

The sleepness nights are awful. I have a little notebook next to the bed and I write memories, things my husband liked or did in it when I am lying awake.

Parroteets · 02/01/2023 22:50

gillybean89 · 02/01/2023 20:22

@Parroteets I think I've had about half an hours sleep. My mind is whirring.

I have no idea how I am going to raise 2 young children alone. I miss him terribly.

Gosh, I am sorry. Can you ask your GP for something to help you to sleep?

I can understand you not being able to sleep or even not wanting to sleep (for fear of waking up and momentarily thinking that things are all ok) but you'll become exhausted.

I don't think that anyone could imagine the future and raising children after the shock that you have had. Right now you just need to get through the next few hours. Literally take each hour at a time. X

Mehmeh22 · 02/01/2023 23:02

Was he a paramedic? This story is in the local news if so. This story has really resonated with me. I'm so sorry for your loss. One day...minute....second at a time.

Original poster
gillybean89 · 03/01/2023 05:17

@Mehmeh22 he was a paramedic. I have seen the local news and everyone just has nice things to say, which is not surprising as he was the nicest person I have ever met. He used to receive compliments in the post from NWAS from patients he had helped. He always wanted to throw them away as to him he hadn't done anything special. But I kept them all and filed them away, I would tell him how proud I was of the job he did.

I have managed to sleep a bit more last night, I am awake now so need to have a cry before the kids wake up.

This just shouldn't be happening. I am broken.

OP posts:
HowVeryBizarre · 03/01/2023 06:42

How awful, I am so so sorry for your loss x

Mehmeh22 · 03/01/2023 08:18

To have touched the hearts of so many in his short life really says something. There really are no words for this pain. Your kids will help you through. Take care!

Screwedupworld · 03/01/2023 08:22

I am so so sorry OP. Sending you love and support. Cuddle your babies.

MrsWhites · 03/01/2023 08:32

i’m so sorry for your loss, I think I must be reasonably local to you as I heard about your husbands passing in the local paper. Sending my love and prayers for you and your children.

Ginger1982 · 03/01/2023 09:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know there are many Mumsnetters who have been where you are and can offer support. I think @babdoc might be one of them?

I'm someone who lost a parent when I was a child. I know it's probably trite to say this now but you and your kids will be fine. You can do this ❤️xx

maeveiscurious · 04/01/2023 01:24

I am sorry for your loss, it's unimaginable and your life ahead

Have you thought of contacting

www.winstonswish.org/?gclid=CjwKCAiAwc-dBhA7EiwAxPRylCsrpZecvsWmZNlyni5ZE7MgefIFNGmV4H96U770vDxQI9A5rfErFRoCFA4QAvD_BwE

They are supposed to be very helpful with children and support.

almondfinger · 04/01/2023 01:58

Oh OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. xxx

mishmased · 04/01/2023 02:02

I'm so sorry for your loss, sending you and your family lots of strength ❤️

WitchDancer · 04/01/2023 08:58

Just popping in to see how you're doing GillyBean. How lovely you kept those letters, what a fantastic thing to show your kids when they're older Flowers

Original poster
gillybean89 · 04/01/2023 11:29

@WitchDancer I'm OK. Just getting through each day really. Sometimes I feel like I might be OK, sometimes I fall apart. It has been a blur of visitors, police and sadness. I worry about the kids, they are struggling at bedtime. I know it's very very early days yet. I am just so sad and so tired. Thank you for checking in.

OP posts:
WitchDancer · 04/01/2023 12:50

It is early days and all you need to do is keep breathing and take each minute at a time. There's is no right or wrong way to do things, so please be kind to yourself Flowers

BucketofTeaMassiveCake · 04/01/2023 13:04

Oh my dear, I'm so sorry. All the cliches - take it one day at a time, be gentle with yourself, contain some truth to them. If you have family, friends or good neighbours do let them help you. Don't be afraid to cry.

It's so very raw at the moment but one day you will smile and laugh again and life will still feel like it's worth living but it will never be the same. You will learn how to cope with the grief. It feels unbearable just now but it's like a heavy bag - one day you will learn to carry it better. Flowers

LuckyAugust · 04/01/2023 14:22

I'm so sorry for your loss. Its total agony. My partner of 16 years died unexpectedly a few days before Christmas. Me and our children are heartbroken. He was only 42.

Sending love and hugs your way

Original poster
gillybean89 · 04/01/2023 16:41

@LuckyAugust I'm so so sorry to hear this. The worst sort of pain. I hope you are managing to get through each day as best you can.

OP posts:
AuntieJoyce · 04/01/2023 17:53

Flowers to @LuckyAugust as well as gillybean. How awful for you both. Do keep posting @gillybean89 if it helps. You are in our thoughts

LuckyAugust · 04/01/2023 22:28

Thank you Gillybean and AuntyJoyce. It still doesn't feel real, I know I need to keep it together for my kids but its so hard.

Gillybean- hope you have lots of support x

Elderflower14 · 05/01/2023 15:35

I'm so sorry for your loss.... I'm sure other people have mentioned it but Winstons Wish offer support to bereaved children. They helped my ds2 when his Dadda died... Winstons Wish

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