My brother is dying

[CloseYourMouthLynn]

My brother is 41 and dying of terminal cancer, he only has a few weeks left. I'm going to see him this weekend in the hospice to say goodbye. How do I do that? How do I live without him? I'm heartbroken. He's my whole childhood.
This is so surreal and incomprehensible.
I'm rambling but hope others may have been through similar with a sibling and can identify.

@anothergrievingsister sending hugs

@meateatingveggie thank you for your story and I'm sorry you also lost your brother and your parents too, I can't imagine. The not deserving it is one of the hardest parts, why him? He didn't deserve to suffer in such a way, he was such a good person and yet he died in such a terrible drawn out way, but sex offenders continue to live, life is not fair and that's a bitter pill to swallow.
The grief still takes my breathe away. My husband is a lovely man but he cannot understand, he thinks I should be moving on now, but my brother will always be dead, that will never change. His loss will always be with me and remembering that he has gone will never cease to paralyse me.

@ArseMenagerie thank you for your kind message. I miss him so much

So sorry for your loss OP and all others going through this 😢

The thought of Christmas is so hard. my family is so broken and blown apart and for many complicated reasons we will not be together this year, and more than that, we will never have a Christmas like before as my brother is not here.
My only option is to spend it with my husband's family, but I know I will find it so hard as they are so naively happy, they have not lost one of them, and I will sit and watch him and his siblings merrily laughing with jealously and hurt at the knowledge that my brother has gone.
I know I cannot deprive my husband of time with his family or my children with their cousins. While I would rather have a Christmas with just me and the kids I know I cannot so I need to just grin and bear it, with the loss of my brother hanging over me the whole time.

@herbygarden thank you x

And I go back to work on Monday after being on maternity leave and am dreading all of the how was your leave questions from people who do not know about what happened and whether to tell them the truth: it was totally shit, my big brother died. Because I know that will make people uncomfortable and so I'll probably just say it was fine and smile while I'm crumbling to bits on the inside.

I am very sorry about your brother. Too hard. Is there a work colleague you can email in advance to let them know what has happened so they can possibly prepare the way? Or if not that, at least so you know there is someone at work who knows and who you can talk to if needed? Lots of work places also have access to telephone bereavement support/counselling which might help you? Lots of love.

This is just heartbreaking reading this. Thoughts and prayers for your lovely brother and whole family tonight xx