Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

[NoCleverNickname]

Dear @JungleZgok

I know what you're going through from first hand experience, unfortunately. You will get through this.

It's so beautiful that your darling, darling boy had MN at the beginning and also now.

It reminds me of "as it was in the beginning, so shall it be at the end".

There is so much love in this thread, it's absolutely heart-warming. Please don't think you walk this path alone; we are all with you, holding your hand and holding you up.

If you want to talk, please feel free to DM. My daytime is generally UK night time so I'm here in those dark hours when you need someone to listen but it feels like you're the only person awake and everyone is sleeping.

I pray for you ❣

[lovescats3]

So sorry.praying for you all

[Greyarea12]

I am thinking of you & your family today. Once again I am so very sorry for what yous are all going through. I am not religious in anyway but I am praying for a miracle for yous.

[Lsquiggles]

Thinking of you OP ❤

[runnerblade95]

@runnerblade95

@Dillidilly @vivariumvivariumsvivaria

I am glad that MN was here to hold your hand when you brought him into the world and that there is a legion of us holding your hand while you endure your anguish.

Isn’t it just? Just beautiful ❤️

Apologies @Dillidilly

This is so beautifully expressed.

This quote from you was supposed to be included in my previous post.

[NewtoHolland]

My heart goes out to you.i pray that you have the kindest comfort around you as you grieve for your son. Please know you didn't cause this and couldn't control it these illnesses are cruel and difficult. With much love.

[Femalewoman]

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and hoping you/he gets the help needed.

[NotAScoobyToBeSeen]

I dont know if you'll ever read this, but you and your family have been in my thoughts all day

[Itsabeautifuldaytosavelives123]

What anguish you are facing, I'm so so so sorry. I have a similar aged son and my heart is breaking in pieces for you, there are just no words. Mental health is just the absolute worst of the worst thing that can go so very wrong. I've had my own struggles and with even all the most supportive and lovely and loving people in my life I still struggle. It takes over in an awful way and there is no controlling it. I'm just so very deeply sorry for your pain. I really hope the supportive words on this thread give you some hand holding, and some support at the most difficult time of your life.

[FlissyPaps]

Thinking of you and all your family & your son’s friends today OP❤

I read your latest update & I feel an overwhelming immense sadness for you. I’m so sorry. & I know ‘sorry’ probably has a very empty meaning right now.

You sound like a fantastic mother. Compassionate, selfless, understanding, great inner strength. Same to your daughter, who is still sitting her exams. You both should be very proud of yourself in a time where life probably won’t feel real for a long time.

I don’t have anything else to say other than a quote I like to remember:

Grief is like the ocean. It comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes the water is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.

[Dipsydoodlenoodle]

I didn't want to read and not leave a comment.

Thinking of you and your family OP. We are all here for support if you want to talk at any time xx

[ThreeRingCircus]

I'm just adding my voice here OP as another Mumsnetter standing beside you and your family today. Sending you all my love.

[clarepetal]

Also sending love. X

[ninjaturtlesmum]

Sending so much love to you and your family.

[Halfling]

Sending love and prayers JungleZgok xx

[Silenceisgreat]

I'm so very sorry thinking of you and your family today xxxx

[CaptainNelson]

Like others, I'm terribly saddened for you and feel that it could be me writing your posts. Huge love for you and all your wonderful family xx

[MangoSmooothie]

I have been thinking of you all today. Sending you so much love at this incredibly painful time.

[pitterypattery00]

OP, I'm assuming you are maybe religious as you mentioned your lovely son had been given his last rites. If so, you may be familiar with the hymn 'Bind us Together'. It has brought me great comfort when faced with the loss of a loved one. It makes me imagine all of my family bound together by love, always, whether we are still on this earth or not. You and your family and your son are in my thoughts. X

Bind Us Together, Lord
Bind Us Together
With Cords That Cannot Be Broken
Bind Us Together, Lord
Bind Us Together
Bind Us Together In Love

[ShirleyPhallus]

I’ve also been thinking of you today and sending you my love at such a difficult time

Its really touching to read such compassionate and kind posts on here, I hope the OP is able to take just a tiny pinch of comfort from these here strangers

[Capricornandproud]

I am so so sorry. You must be bewildered, overwhelmed, in shock and numb all at once. Sending so much love OP xx

[Scottishgirl85]

Sending love, strength, time and hope to you and your family.
Your story has touched so many of us and we are all with you❤xxx

[Beachbreak2411]

You’ve been in my thoughts today. Sending you and your family my love and prayers.

[JetTail]

I'm so very glad your little boy (because is what they remain to us Mums) got the last rites.
It's a peace and a protection and forgiveness of all sins.
I'm a very lapsed Catholic but I occasionally put RC down as my religion at hospital lol.
If there is a soothing and a forgiveness, I will take my chances with it most of the time!

I'm pretty sure that last rites is a sacrament of Catholicism .

If so, in these awful hours and days, you might find this prayer soothing. Or not, sometimes. 🙂

www.ourcatholicprayers.com/prayer-to-st-jude.html I'm giving the link for the background. And this is the one that I find soothing sometimes, though there are two versions in the link.

Oh glorious apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered thy beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused thee to be forgotten by many, but the Church honors and invokes thee universally as the patron of hopeless cases--of things despaired of. Pray for me who am so miserable; make use, I implore thee, of that particular privilege accorded thee of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, particularly (mention your request), and that I may bless God with thee and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise thee, O blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor thee as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to thee. Amen

[bellalou1234]

Sending you and your family love and strength. You have been in my thoughts xxx