Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

I am so sorry

I’m so sorry you are going through this. You have done the best you can as a mother he knows that he really does. Theres absolutly nothing you could have done to prevent this nothing at all.

I am so sorry to read your update - Sending you & your family so much love and strength, there are no other words x

Oh Jungle I'm so sorry. I've been refreshing the thread and hoping and praying for better news. My heart goes out to you all, I lost a wonderful friend to suicide three years ago, I also have a son with mental health problems, the thought of the two coming together gives me physical pain.

You are an amazing mum, your beautiful boy may just be too good for this world. Hold him tight.

I am so sorry to read your latest post and my heart breaks for you. I truly hope the doctors are wrong. I'm so sorry that I don't know what to say but know so many strangers are thinking of you and hoping for a miracle for you son.

Prayers for you and your lovely son and your family. I’m so sorry.

I have no wise words of empathy, and no experience from which to offer advice, but I can tell you that I am thinking of you and your family tonight. I’m so sorry this awful situation has happened.

I can't find the words. So desperately sorry to read the update. Sending love to you, your son and all your family.

It's a privilege to sit with you on this day OP.

Precious boy.

It's so awful for you it's beyond comprehension op. You and your family are in my thoughts x

I've been thinking about you all day. I'm so sorry. More than that actually but there aren't words to make this in any way less painful. Just know that he loves you. You gave him the best and it was enough, there was nothing more that you could have done. At all. You did nothing wrong either. This was bigger than him and bigger than you.

And it's utterly, horrifically unfair.

I'm thinking of you.

I've been thinking of you and your dear boy all day, and I'm continuing to hope. He knows that you love him. Please continue to post if it helps, I'm sure the whole of Mumsnet is behind you and ready to help if we possibly can

So so sad to hear your boy's story. I am sad he thought he had reached the end. I am heartbroken for you. Wishing you all strength and love. I'm thinking of you all .

I'm so, so sorry.

I read all your updates ready to launch into something positive and hopeful. Read your last update and, tears dripping, I can only offer you a hand hold. What words are there for this?

What everyone else has said. Thinking of you and your family. So, so sorry. I too hope the doctors are wrong.

@JungleZgok I'm praying for a miracle for your precious DS keep holding his hand and keep talking to him, he knows you've always loved him and always will and he'll always love you too and always has... you sound like a fantastic Mum and a close family but sadly these awful situations can happen to anyone... please don't lose hope as I believe where there's life there's always hope... God Bless xx

Thinking of you, I'm so very sorry

Thinking of you, I'm so very sorry

I am so desperately sorry to read your update op.
There are no words.

I'm so incredibly sorry for you, your son and your family. God will be holding you close as you walk through this pain. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

I am truly sorry to hear your update, I really hope things turn a more positive corner. Love and best wishes. 💔

I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this. No words of wisdom here, I myself struggle with mental health problems. It’s so awful… it sounds like he had plenty of support from you, so you done all you could.

Gosh, it's so very hard to know what to say, it's a situation you never thought you'd be in and now here you are. If we could take even a little bit of your pain away and share it amongst us all we would. Your boy sounds so lovely and those of us with boys the same age know that you feel exactly the same way about them at that age as the day they were born. They are just as precious, it's a tragedy that their illness makes them unable to realise it.

I'm sorry. Thinking of you and your family.