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Anyone had success trying to contact a dead loved one?
88

Cafeaulait27 · 20/04/2022 20:11

It’s a bit woo woo and normally I’m not like this but I lost my dad very unexpectedly recently and I am overcome with grief and sadness. I want to talk to him so badly but obviously know that’s not possible, but also at times I feel so desperate that I look into psychic mediums.

just wondered if anyone has ever had any success contacting a loved one either through a medium or other means, or has had them visit in some way?

I feel like I’m going mad but I’m literally desperate to see him again x

OP's posts:
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Puppylucky · 20/04/2022 20:21

Hi
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my father a long time ago now and the pain was awful. I also explored various ways of getting in touch but decided in the end that it wasn't for me - not because I don't believe but because I think it makes you vulnerable to people who may not have your best interests at heart. Regardless I have felt connections with my dad over the years and have never stopped loving him.

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Radaradar · 20/04/2022 20:22

I’m sorry about your dad.

Please don’t give money to these charlatans. They prey on vulnerable, desperate people.

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CloseYourEyesAndSee · 20/04/2022 20:22

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm also sorry but people who have died cannot be contacted. Anyone who claims they can talk to them is lying and taking advantage of your grief.

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Puppylucky · 20/04/2022 20:29

@CloseYourEyesAndSee I don't believe that anyone can say something like that definitively.. In my experiences I saw and heard things that were not explainable but it is still true that people will take advantage which is awful for the bereaved.

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JustBkind · 20/04/2022 20:32

I lost my dad 4 years ago this May and he was my best friend. I couldn’t do the medium contact as I just wasn’t ready for that but my mum did it several months after and she went to see a fabulous medium who couldn’t have possibly known the things she did. However, she did say that my dad (she didn’t know that of course..some gentleman to her who had recently passed but she described his passing and his appearance and mannerisms perfectly) couldn’t come through clearly because it was too soon since his passing and they need a good period of time to be strong enough to truly connect with us once they’ve passed. She said he was using his mother’s energy (my grandma, his mum, who died years ago) to let us know he was okay and free of any pain.
Then covid came and we haven’t been back since, but we will, when we’re ready. I think what I’m trying to say is don’t go too soon because they need time to get used to their new surroundings too. We’ve had loads of stuff happen since he passed though that has let us know he is here…robins every holiday we go on, lights flickering when we mention certain things, strong smells that we associate with him, white feathers appearing from nowhere and no explanation, songs on the radio that were his favourite etc. and yes some will say it’s coincidence… there’s no such thing as coincidence. Stay strong and keep talking to him, he can hear you, he’s right there beside you. Xxxx

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WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 20/04/2022 20:33

These people can cold read really well, and they will tell you what you want to hear in order to get money from you.

I do believe that if our loved ones are out there somewhere they come to us in our dreams when we need them.

Your dad wouldn't make you go to a medium and pay a fortune for a short, vague message. If he can send you a message somehow, he will.

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JustBkind · 20/04/2022 20:35

@CloseYourEyesAndSee In your opinion.

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StillWeRise · 20/04/2022 20:38

I'm sorry for your loss OP
And I'm sorry but you can't contact your Dad. These mediums are very clever (some have been known to research their clients) and combined with our urgent need for comfort, this can convince people that contact has been made. If you read someone like Derren Brown he explains how it's done. And if I'm being generous there may be mediums who use these skills unconsciously, who believe in what they do and want to bring people some comfort.
Think about what your Dad would have wanted. Would he have wanted you to be exploited like that? Think about the ways in which he is still with you- your DNA in you and your children if you have any. The things he taught you. The memories you made together. The good he did in others' lives, maybe some you don't even know about. Those are the ways in which he is still with you. It's hard but in time you will value those and accept that he's not with you physically any more.

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MadameDragon · 20/04/2022 20:41

I’m sorry for your loss. Please be very careful with these people, they prey on the bereaved. One got many thousands out of my widowed aunt with cold reading.

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MintyMoocow · 20/04/2022 20:42

If dead people could return my dear friend would have come back to see her kids. No doubt of that!
They live on through you and your children and on your memories and that’s okay. You will accept that in time, it’s not so bad.

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toomuchlaundry · 20/04/2022 20:46

Of course coincidence exists @JustBkind

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WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 20/04/2022 20:49

@JustBkind I am so sorry about your dad but couldn’t come through clearly because it was too soon since his passing and they need a good period of time to be strong enough to truly connect with us once they’ve passed. is one of the things these people are taught to say for repeat business. It's also true that out of every 5 or so things they say they get about 1 correct, but people only remember the correct thing. Once they have a few things confirmed it's really easy to narrow things down so they seem really accurate.

It was a job I had in my youth (no judgement please, I was homeless and young and desperate) so I know their tactics very well. I can still cold read people I meet at parties and such pretty accurately by reading body language and making educated guesses.

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Tania64 · 20/04/2022 20:49

My daughter ( amongst others) has been in touch with me through mediums (both paid & unpaid). The mediums that advertise are usually frauds. Only communicate with recommended ones or the ones that are at spiritualist churches.

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StillWeRise · 20/04/2022 20:52

This poem by Brian Patten is very comforting, I find

How long does a man live after all?
A thousand days or only one?
One week or a few centuries?
How long does a man spend living or dying
and what do we mean when we say gone forever?

Adrift in such preoccupations, we seek clarification.
We can go to the philosophers
but they will weary of our questions.
We can go to the priests and rabbis
but they might be busy with administrations.

So, how long does a man live after all?
And how much does he live while he lives?
We fret and ask so many questions -
then when it comes to us
the answer is so simple after all.

A man lives for as long as we carry him inside us,
for as long as we carry the harvest of his dreams,
for as long as we ourselves live,
holding memories in common, a man lives.

His lover will carry his man's scent, his touch:
his children will carry the weight of his love.
One friend will carry his arguments,
another will hum his favourite tunes,
another will still share his terrors.

And the days will pass with baffled faces,
then the weeks, then the months,
then there will be a day when no question is asked,
and the knots of grief will loosen in the stomach
and the puffed faces will calm.
And on that day he will not have ceased
but will have ceased to be separated by death.

How long does a man live after all?
A man lives so many different lengths of time.
Brian Patten

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ZebraInaTeapot · 20/04/2022 20:55

Yes there are fakes out there (a lot !!!) trying to make money from grieving people

But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing after death and no way for communicating. Nobody can ever say for certain that it’s impossible - just because you haven’t got proof of something yourself / haven’t experienced it yourself doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

OP I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it’s tempting to try to find a medium but sadly the vast majority will not be genuine.

What I will say is reach out to him, talk out loud or in your head it doesn’t matter. Nobody lost is ever far away. Listen carefully and you might hear what you need to, you may dream of him it could even feel real. Use those quiet moments and I hope you find some comfort x

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JustBkind · 20/04/2022 20:57

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno They (singular) gave us a recording of the whole reading and I can assure you that EVERYTHING they said (not 1 in 5) was correct. They even knew that a loved one still living had unconfirmed dementia and described them perfectly and low and behold we found out a month later from the doctors.
Please be assured that I’m not trying to get you to believe, to convince you whether this is right or not, that doesn’t matter to me, you either believe or you don’t! I am telling the OP my experience of something that they have asked about.

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JanePrentiss · 20/04/2022 20:57

No. They're dead. Gone, are no more.

And before anyone says I'm being unkind, I have had very close bereavements and know the pain of losing so eone.

Read The Burial Shirt by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm (yes, the Grimm brothers) which is a very short but lovely very comforting story about bereavement.

Sorry for your loss op but don't let someone manipulate your grief x

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Janedoe82 · 20/04/2022 21:03

I went to see a spiritualist/medium a couple of years ago when I was I suppose quite vulnerable. At the time she told me things I found hugely comfortable and which I honestly don’t think she could have known. (Parents name/ cats name/ where loved one was buried and location of grave/ how they died/ childhood memory/ best friends name and what we had just been talking about/ that I had booked a birthday party that week).
Maybe she was just a really good fraud- however at that time I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted as it gave me hope that there was an afterlife and I would see loved ones again. I haven’t felt the need to go back as I was so reassured.

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Janedoe82 · 20/04/2022 21:06

I should say- at no point did I feel manipulated- there was no follow up, no pressure, no hard sell. I was just given her mobile number by a colleague who had been and went several months later. She knew nothing about me beyond my first name and we come from completely different places.

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NarcissasMumintheDoghouse · 20/04/2022 21:06

Just, simply, just sit down quietly and talk to him as if he were there.

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donquixotedelamancha · 20/04/2022 21:06

Nobody can ever say for certain that it’s impossible - just because you haven’t got proof of something yourself / haven’t experienced it yourself doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

That's what humans used to believe. When we learned that the world can be understood by observing evidence and not just believing random nonsense we learned to cure many diseases which had plagued us for millennia, send rockets to the moon and speak to each other through websites like this.

If you willfully chose to ignore reality and switch off all critical thinking in favour of 'nobody really knows' you won't make better choices.

OP, don't give money to predators. It won't help and when you are stronger you'll be pissed off with yourself.

I feel like I’m going mad but I’m literally desperate to see him again

There is nothing any of us can say to make it better for you right now but it does get a bit easier with time.

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Tryingtokeepgoing · 20/04/2022 21:11

I had one of these lunatics trying to give out cards at my husbands wake - unbelievable! She was soon asked to leave but I can’t understand the sheer cheek of it. It was at a pretty fancy hotel as well, so I made my displeasure known to them too. And no, I didn’t get in touch. It’s all a load of complete rubbish…can you imagine how many dead people there are, and the chaos if they could all get in touch with people. Save yourself the heart ache and have some counselling instead would be my advice xx

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WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 20/04/2022 21:12

JustBkind · 20/04/2022 20:57

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno They (singular) gave us a recording of the whole reading and I can assure you that EVERYTHING they said (not 1 in 5) was correct. They even knew that a loved one still living had unconfirmed dementia and described them perfectly and low and behold we found out a month later from the doctors.
Please be assured that I’m not trying to get you to believe, to convince you whether this is right or not, that doesn’t matter to me, you either believe or you don’t! I am telling the OP my experience of something that they have asked about.

I do hope/believe that our loved ones are out there. I'm not trying to say that there isn't something beyond this life, I don't know.

I do know the tactics these people use, including researching people, cold reading, knowing certain things from a surname or age, body language is very easy to read, even calling for the appointment can give lots away, lots of subconscious clues, and the tactic of getting the person to come back was one of the things I was taught very early on. Another way they do this is by giving "messages" from someone else, who is "coming through strongly", so the person will return again, thinking the loved one they wish to speak to has something to say as well.

I think any comfort during the grieving process is amazing, but lots/most of these people give grieving people just enough to get them hooked so it's almost an addiction to keep coming back.

I did it for a year, I know the tricks, and that was, pretty much word for word, one of the tricks I was taught.

If its has brought your family comfort, then I'm really glad of that, and I'm not trying to diminish it at all, but your post rang some alarm bells for me.

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CharityShopChic · 20/04/2022 21:12

In the kindest way possible. You don't need a "medium" or a "psychic" who will fleece you for money. These people ARE frauds or are deluded in thinking they can speak to people who have died.

You are struggling to come to terms with a sudden death. Have you had bereavement counselling? Please look at the CRUSE website www.cruse.org.uk/ Call their website, chat with a volunteer online.

Take care of yourself.


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Luredbyapomegranate · 20/04/2022 21:13

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your Dad OP. It must’ve so painful right now, it sounds like you were very close.

You need a considerable amount of time to process this and come to live alongside it. He’ll always be with you in your heart, so there’s nothing stopping you talking to him. I’d also encourage you to think about some grief counselling sessions, just to help you process and have someone help you through the stages of grief. I’d avoid mediums if I were you - some people do find it comforting but I think they leave most people stuck, and can also pray on the vulnerable. A registered counsellor is a safer bet.






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