For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (March 2022) )

[Crunchymum]

I hope no-one minds me starting a new thread, the old one is almost full.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/4352163-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-a-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread-September-2021

As always lots of love and strength and support to you all xxx

@Purpleavocado - Thanks for the heads up! I find James Blunt very depressing anyway so he’s definitely someone I’d avoid at the moment. How are you doing? x

@Purpleavocado

That is funny actually (I think). It’s weird, it all feels a bit soon for a stone setting to be planned. My Dad only passed what feels like ten minutes ago and now we’re talking about all of this. Thank goodness we don’t have to do the whole burial thing again, it was too much for me having to use the spade etc and put the soil in. It nearly broke me watching my two son’s having to do it xx

Is it OK if I join this thread? I lost my dad in August last year after he was diagnosed with lymphoma in March. I also had twins boys in February and I don't really feel I've had the chance to grieve properly yet. When it was all happening I just felt totally numb, it was like it wasn't even happening. Even now my main feelings around it are guilt, guilt that I wasn't able to help him, that he had to go into a nursing home for his last few weeks. I just keep thinking how alone he must have felt. I always thought I'd look after my parents when they needed it but it didn't occur to me that at that time I'd also have two four-month-olds who needed me 24 hours a day.

@Strathyre - of course you can join. I lost my Dad in September, just a month after you. Totally numb and feeling like it’s not all happening is something I totally relate to. My Dad died totally unexpectedly two days after my birthday, so it’s been 6 months just over and I still can’t believe it’s actually happened or that it’s real. I felt totally numb all through the funeral. It just doesn’t feel real, even now. I don’t know when it will. Do you feel like that?
You say your Dad went into a nursing home at the end, did you still go and see him there? You shouldn’t feel guilty if you saw your Dad but couldn’t be there 24/7, when you have children, especially young babies it is hard. But I know my Dad knows how much we all love him and miss him and I’m sure your Dad knows the same about how you felt.

How is everyone doing tonight? @Motheranddaughtertotwo - How are you doing? What’s this weekend been like so far, and how is your mum?

@Purpleavocado - How are you?

@iklboo - How are you?

Please try not to feel guilty @strathyre I'm sure that's not what you Dad would want. My best advice is to think about the good times you had. The many years you had together are what counts, not a few weeks at the very end.
I'm doing well @LucyintheSky21hope you are okay? I'm thinking of getting some nice flowers to plant in our garden as my parents both loved their garden, just need the weather to warm up a bit!

@LucyintheSky21 now I almost feel like I don't know whether it feels real or not. Sometimes it does, like we had a family funeral recently and it just felt so wrong that he wasn't there, because he used to be really good at events like that. But most of the time I just don't think about it. I don't think covid has helped with this, because it's meant not seeing him kind of feels normal, particularly as he had a very weak immune system the whole time he was ill so was basically shielding until they said it was terminal. It's hard to remember he's not out there somewhere still living his life.

I did see him a bit at the end, I had a nanny come two days a week, but there was such a queue of friends and family wanting to visit, and my mum didn't want to tire him out. And we didn't know it would be so quick, so I didn't push too much. I feel bad he didn't get to see the babies more, but they weren't allowed in the home and he was deteriorating so fast that we kept planning things and then he was too weak for them. Eventually they made an exception and I took them in to see him but he was so weak by then I don't think he got much out of it. I've ended up really resenting my parents in law and I think it's that I'm just so sad they are getting to play with them and cuddle them and he never will. Is anyone else finding parents in law tough?

@Purpleavocado I'm planning the same, I really want a nice garden like he would have made!

Hi everyone, I’ve had a horrible week so not been on much. My youngest caught a bug so have been stuck inside for a week. It’s so frustrating and I’m exhausted. I keep thinking he’ll be better tomorrow so mentally plan things but he isn’t so we still haven’t done anything Easter-y at all. Oh and he’s missed most of holiday camp that was paid for and he loves. I feel so bad for him.
I’ve felt dads lack of presence so much these last few days. Normally in school holidays Dad would be planning all these lovely things to do with my kids. When they were ill he’d always call me and ask what shopping he could do for me or what help I needed. Even if I didn’t need anything I would feel better knowing he’s there. DH is great but he works hard and I feel so alone dealing with things sometimes. @Strathyre I know exactly what you mean, my in-laws are older than my parents and I get so upset that they can do what my dad is missing. My in-laws aren’t as close to my kids and my parents so my kids are missing out on so much. Mum isn’t the same either so I feel like they’ve sort of lost both my parents. @LucyintheSky21 how is your mum? How are you getting on?

Hi everyone,

@Motheranddaughtertotwo - So sorry to hear about your youngest being poorly. Is it your youngest who is 8? My youngest (who is nearly 8) had a tummy bug the week before they finished school for Easter. It’s awful when it happens and it’s the holidays, especially as you had the camp organised. Does this mean you have spent less time with your mum this week? I’m sorry that you’ve not had a good week. Is your DS starting to turn the corner and is this the second week of your Easter hols?
We went to see my parents in law yesterday. This is for you and for @Strathyre -
My mother and father in law are both ok, don’t get me wrong. They’re not the warmest of people and also a lot older than my parents and yet I know (I really do just know) that they will live until they’re really old. And while they are ok and we went to a playground with them yesterday so they could see my two boys and they took us out out for tea before we came home, it was all nice enough but they’re not close to my kids like my mum is and like my mum and dad always have been. It’s a totally different relationship. We only ever see them every 2-3 months as they have busy lives and always on holiday etc and they’re involved with different things. So my two boys have really lost so much. They still have my mum and we see her all week and weekends but like you say, we’d have been doing days out this Easter holiday with my mum and dad and we can’t now. It’s just so hard and I hate it. I struggled yesterday being out with my mother and father in law as they’re nice but just no patch on my Dad as a grandad or anything. What I’d give to bring him back. I miss him so much and I am really struggling at the moment. I feel like just everything is a struggle and hard work and a huge effort that I just can’t be bothered with.
I don’t resent my mother and father in law as such, they mean well but there’s just not the same closeness or anything like the connection we all had and miss with my Dad. I can’t get used to mum being without Dad. I hate it. I hate the whole thing. I keep thinking when will this all change and when will my Dad come back.
Something else which is breaking my heart is that my sister who hasn’t spoken to me since the funeral. My nephew’s feel sad and confused because she has cut herself off. It’s just such a heartbreaking and horrible place to be right now xx

Hey @LucyintheSky21, sorry you’ve got so much sadness. How old are your nephews? My sister has one child a couple of years younger than my son as much as I can’t stand my sister we all miss my nephew.
I haven’t been able to see mum this week other than to drop of her prescriptions. If dad was here Id know she’s ok at least. Like you say, one without the other is so sad.

@Motheranddaughtertotwo - Hiya, how are you today? Is your son any better?
I’ve just read my last post back and realise I’ve made a typo. I put my nephew’s are really sad, I meant my two boys are really sad. My sister just has two nephew’s (my two boys) and by her cutting herself off from us, it also means that we have no contact with my sister’s children. She has four children, three girls and a boy. I think my two boys, mainly my older one who is ten is very confused and I think misses his auntie and his cousins. It’s really sad how kids are affected by this kind of stuff and it’s all through the selfishness of adults. I’m confused myself over my sister as we haven’t even had words or any kind of fall out. We stuck together with my mum when my Dad died for the first couple of weeks and we’re with her every day organising the funeral. Then as soon as the funeral was over, she went back home and sent me a really hurtful message about wanting no contact with me and that also means my children. And she’s not been much support to my mum. It crosses a line for me though when someone hurts my children, who are innocent, if that makes sense.
One without the other is very sad. I hope you’re ok and your son is feeling better xx

Morning everyone,

I’ve not posted on here for a while.

I know it’s a bit early, but how is everyone feeling this morning?

I have been feeling terrible this week. I had been feeling a bit better the last few weeks, as I went to see our local vicar for a chat. I know not everyone believes, but I was just so desperate for someone to tell me I will see my mum again and she seemed certain I would (she believes we will see all our loved ones again). However, this week it seems to have hit me again. I think a lot of this is hormonal, as I always seem to feel worse at “that time of the month”, but to be honest, I am not feeling much better than when my mum died nearly 6 months ago, so it seems to be veering into “complicated grief”. I don’t really have any friends who understand what I’m going through, my dad is too elderly and tired to keep dealing with my grief and other family members don’t seem to be visiting much now. I wish my mum’s remaining family lived closer to us. We live up north and have family up here who have been good, but they obviously did not have the same closeness to mum as her family, who live down south. I’m going to try and keep in touch with them more though.

Another problem is that my work is now pressuring me to go back. I can’t blame them really. I have been off nearly 6 months now, although they are claiming I am not entitled to any further sick pay so must either return or give my notice in. I don’t believe they are right, as I understand I am entitled to 28 weeks sick pay and I haven’t even had 20 weeks yet, as I did not go on to sick pay until December. Does anyone have any knowledge of this? In desperation I applied for another job this week, as I was not happy at my current firm anyway for various reasons. My dad is also pressuring me to go back for financial reasons. I am also considering paying for private counselling and obviously need money to do this (I don’t ideally want to use my savings). I had a few free sessions with a bereavement charity, but I think it was too short term to do much good.

I have an appointment with the GP later today to review my medication and I will ask her for a sick note to the end of April. I don’t feel ready to go back to work at all, but can see I have no choice. I know a lot of people think it helps, but I think it depends on the job you do (mine is quite low level but stressful). I feel like I’m letting mum down by not going back (for this and many other reasons). My dad says she would be furious that I am still off work after this length of time and that I am letting her down by not carrying on as I promised her I would, but it is easy to say you will carry on when someone is still alive, much harder when they are actually gone. Every day is such a struggle and I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next 30/40 years without her. The only thing that keeps me going (apart from my dad and cat, who are both now elderly) is the thought that I will be reunited with her one day and that she has been reunited with her parents.

Sorry for the long post so early, sometimes I just need to get it out. Any advice would be welcome.

Morning everyone

How are you all this morning? It would be nice to hear from someone to chat.

Hi @Poppy04

Sorry that I so my just read your post. I would have been more than happy to ‘chat’ this morning but we booked a special day out today for my two boys, I thought we could all do with a treat and a bit of cheering up. The kids enjoyed it, but I’ve got to be honest and say that I just felt so low the whole day, walking round in a world of my own thinking about my Dad.
It’s six months since my Dad went, so same
time as you lost your mum. Do you feel somehow worse now than when it happened? I feel like at the time I was so shocked by what happened as it was so unexpected that I was in shock and numb to most of it. But now, I just feel like I can’t bare to think about my Dad too deeply because the agonising ache inside to see him and talk to him is too much. I hurt so much, I don’t think anything will ever take it away or make me feel better. I don’t even need to close my eyes and I can see my Dad in my head and I can hear his voice and even imagine a conversation. But I can’t bare the thought that I’ll never actually see him again or talk to him. Like you, I am also up North. And like you, I don’t have any friends who understand what I’m going through. I have friends, but none than get this and I feel myself getting annoyed all the time with things they say which I find thoughtless. I don’t say anything to them but inside I feel angry. One d my close friends has her Dad coming to stay this weekend. I’m like ‘I was I was seeing my Dad this weekend’.
I wish I had some sort of support group in real life that I could go to. I don’t mean counselling either. But like on here, I feel a lot of support and comfort from everyone on here but it’s such a shame we can’t be sat having a cup of tea or coffee talking about our mum’s and our Dad’s and how we’re feeling.
Some days are worse for me than others. Some days I feel not as bad and then some days I feel rock bottom. Most days I feel rock bottom but I do a good job I think of making people think I’m coping. I take my kids out, I see friends and talk about ‘normal’ things and I paint on a smile but I feel like I have no interest in anything at all or anything anyone wants to tell me. I feel like nothing matters really anymore now that my Dad has gone and my life so knew it with him has gone. The only real support I have or person who truly understands is my Mum, but se is going through it too worse than me and I have to support her and not make her feel more depressed by telling her how I feel.
God, actually reading your post again you could be me. You feel exactly the same as me. You’re not in Leeds are you or anywhere near and fancy a meet up? The only thing that keeps me going is the thought or the belief that I will be with my Dad again and that also he is with me wherever I go and watching us, just that we can’t see him. I’m not elisions but I do think we all end up back together in the end. I believe my Dad is waiting for us. I’m just 40 and like you say, I thin to myself all the time, I don’t want 30/40 years without my Dad in my life. I can’t stand it. I also have a cat, 3 actually and I do feel they understand me. I know that sounds barmy but I mean the can sense how sad I am. If you fancy a chat, let me know xx

@Poppy04

Sorry for all the typo’s xx

@LucyintheSky21

Hi, it’s nice to hear from someone. This thread has been so quiet the last couple of days. I suppose it is to be expected with the school holiday/Easter and people being busy. I don’t have kids so sometimes forget when it is school holidays.

My mum’s death was expected (bowel cancer) so it wasn’t too much of a shock when it happened, although it did happen much quicker than we had been led to believe. She had cancer for almost 2 years. She had an operation to remove the tumour and for a few months was fine. We then found out it had spread to her liver and shortly before she died to her brain, which altered her personality, affected her memory etc. and caused her to be quite nasty to me and my dad, which is one of the things I am struggling with now and which is compounding my grief, as I don’t know how much of it was the illness and how much was her true self talking. She didn’t tell me when she was told her cancer was terminal (only a month before she died) despite her telling me she would always be honest with me about her illness and I think that finding this out was more of a shock than her death itself. I have been through all sorts of emotions since then, the usual ones you hear about - denial, anger, guilt, depression. From what I have read it is acceptance that takes the longest time to reach. I can go for quite a while feeling I am just about coping but I do find like you that I am now feeling worse for some reason. It isn’t helped by the pressure of the work situation. I had a GP telephone appointment yesterday to review my medication and started crying, which was a bit embarrassing, although she was very sympathetic and said this suggested to her that the medication isn’t doing much good apart from helping my migraines a bit. She did say I should consider trying counselling again. As I said previously, I did have a few free sessions with a charity and am considering carrying this on privately. It has not done a lot for me so far, but I think that is more because it was very short term and the counsellor was not the right “fit” for me. I think if you can find the right person it can be helpful and something you or anyone else may want to consider. My aunt has been having it for quite a while, having lost her parents quite close together and is finding it helpful. I think in the end though it is probably true that the only thing that really helps is time. It is just so hard to believe at the moment though isn’t it. 30/40 years (our entire lives over again) until we are reunited seems so far away. I know it’s wrong to wish your life away, especially when people like my mum fought so hard to live. It is not what any of our parents would have wanted for us, so I guess we just have to struggle on the best we can and hope it gets better in time.

I don’t know what I would have done without my cat and I dread the day I lose her. I have had her since she was a kitten. She is nearly 17 now but in good health for her age (touch wood) and I hope she makes it into her 20s. I would really like a dog too, as I think it gets you out walking more etc., but I think that will have to wait until I’ve retired.

Unfortunately I don’t live near Leeds or it would have been nice to meet up, but it still helps to chat on here anyway.

Hope to hear from you soon.
x

@Poppy04

Hi, sorry it’s early. It’s nice to hear back from you. Everything you say really resonates with me. Obviously you don’t want to wish your life away like you say, but at the same time, the thought of 30-40 years without my Dad (or your Mum) in your life is such an unpleasant thought. I have two boys and a husband and 3 cats. My two boys, the youngest is nearly 8 and the oldest is 10 and a half. I think it really is because of them that I have kept going. And because I still have my mum to support, like you have your Dad. It’s also very hard for me because my two boys were very close to my Dad. My oldest boy broke my heart when my Dad died when I heard him say ‘I’ve lost my bestfriend’. They used to do everything together, my Dad was like their second dad, closer than a lot of grandparents are. That’s why when I had seen my Dad die in the hospital with my mum and sister, my husband came down to the hospital and brought my boys to say bye to my Dad. I know some people may read that and think they were too young to do that but they wouldn’t ever have forgiven me if I hadn’t let them see my Dad one last time and say goodbye. It makes me really angry that I always thought my kids would get to probably 20 before the lost either my mum or Dad. We speak about him every day in almost every sentence, there are pictures of my Dad now all over and I wear a locket that I don’t take off. But none of this is enough, if you know what I mean. I think you’re right that the only things we can do are believe that we will be back with them when our time comes, and without wishing it away, no-one knows how long that will be. For my mum, she’s half the person she used to be and I find that adds to my pain because I love my mum so much and I wish I could make it better for her. Nothing I do can make her feel better. How is your Dad coping?
Like you, most of the time I think I’m just about coping and I think I have suprised myself with how well I am ‘coping’. When I say coping, I mean I still get up each day and see to the kids and take them to school when it’s not holidays and I do the things I have always done. I do a lot more with my mum and see lots more of her. I have always seen lots of both my mum and dad, but I have continued that. I cry still but sometimes it’s just a cry on a morning when the kids are doing their own thing or a cry in the bath or I might have a cry when I’ve taken them to school or before I go to bed. But I’m not sat about crying all day long unable to get dressed, if that makes sense. But then, I think the only reason I’m sort of coping most days is when I try not to think too much about it. It’s very hard. I’ve also read about the stages of grief and shock and denial seem to be the first two stages, I don’t think you necessarily always follow an exact order but shock and denial have been the prominent two stages for me, I am still in that stage of shock and disbelief that they happened and I think that’s largely because of how it happened.
Dad had a heart attack from nowhere. He was fine in the morning in that Thursday in September and that evening he had a big heart attack and went into cardiac arrest. How does that happen when someone was perfectly fine just hours before and I had seen him that morning as well?! I can’t get my head around it. I also find myself in shock because you hear about these things happening to other people but you never think it’ll happen to you. I feel sad that my children haven’t had longer with him, but at the same time I know they will never forget him. He was too big a part of their lives and of all our lives. I just never ever thought he’d go so soon and it aches so much inside.
Your cat sounds lovely, and let me tell you, my oldest cat is turning 20 this year and going strong. You’d never know he was that old and he saw the vet for his booster last week and even he said he’s got a good few years left yet in him. They never know obviously but tough wood he’s great. He’s like a rock to me as well as he’s been there longer than anyone in my life. I had him before my children and when I lived on my own nearly 20 years ago. I have had him since he was actually a few days old. My other two, one is 7 and the other we took in 4 years ago so can’t be sure exactly how old he is but the vet thinks maybe 10. I love them all like my children and they are a big support to me. Cats are very clever and they know when you’re feeling sad.
Do you have somewhere you can go like your mum’s grave where you can sit and talk to your mum?
What do you have planned for this weekend? Oh and you don’t sound like you’re ready to go back to work, so don’t rush back if you’re not ready. I think it does help to keep busy and do things but not sure that rushing back to work when you’re not ready is the right thing. xx

@LucyintheSky21

Morning,

It’s nice to hear from you. It does help to hear from people who are going through the same thing. It also makes me feel reassured that it is common to still be feeling this way several months down the line. Like you I don’t cry all day, just briefly once/twice a day at the moment, and do get dressed and do things.

I really don’t feel ready to go back to work, but they are putting pressure on me now and at the same time I feel I need more in my life to keep me occupied and that I am letting my mum down. She would be heartbroken and angry to see me moping about crying and not getting on with my life, and I think it would do me good to be around other people more. I also need to for financial reasons/future security, as I only have my income to rely on. I have an interview for another job on Wednesday, but don’t know if this is the right thing. People have said it is better to stick with what I know, at least for now, but at the same time I feel like I need a fresh start and work is something else I associate with mum - coming home and telling her about my day.

I don’t really have much planned this weekend. I had intended to go into town and do some shopping, but to top everything off I had a problem with my car yesterday on my way back from the supermarket and have to wait until next Tuesday for it to be looked at. It just seems to have been one thing after another since my mum went downhill last year. I miss her so much. She was my best friend and we did so much together. I still have my dad, but I have never been as close to him and we have always had quite a difficult relationship (although I know deep down he loves me as much as she did but doesn’t know how to show it/talk about his feelings). My mum always used to back me up if we got into a row and now she has gone I feel so lonely, without purpose and that nothing matters any more. The good weather makes me feel worse as I think we should be out somewhere enjoying it together.

I will probably see some of our family who live locally at some point over the next few days. It is dad’s birthday next Tuesday too.

I was also going to e-mail my mum’s brother, who lives down south. We haven’t seen much of him since we moved up here 30 years ago and I’m not sure how much of a relationship he wants with me, but he was close to my mum and they spoke weekly, so I would like to get to know him better, as he and his wife are the only close family I have left on my mum’s side now.

Enjoy your weekend as far as you can.
x

@Poppy04

It does definitely help to talk to people who are going through the same. Feel free to message me anytime, we’re all unfortunately on this painful road together. Try and enjoy your weekend if you can, are you seeing your Dad? I do know what you mean when you say your mum was your bestfriend and who you used to do everything with. My mum is the same to me, she is the closest person in my life and my bestest friend. I must ring her 3 times a day at least and we see her many times a week and on the weekend. I have always been really close to both my mum and dad but it’s a different closeness with your mum, and I do know what you mean. I love my Dad equally but it is a different closeness. We saw my mum and dad every weekend as in with my husband and my two boys, but mum and I much together just the two of us as well. It is hard and there’s no easy answers. I genuinely think you carry that pain around with you forever but that you just learn, with time to carry it around easier if that makes sense. Or you get used to carrying it around with you. You might find you become even closer to your Dad now. You haven’t said how your Dad is coping, how is he doing? If it had been my mum who had gone first I know my Dad would have kept busy and coped better than my Mum.
I hope you get your car sorted, things like that are a pain as well because you’d normally call your mum about it. I hope you still get to go shopping. Shopping does help to cheer us up, I think. We’re actually going out for a meal for Easter tomorrow with my mum. It’s not something we’d normally do to go out on Easter Sunday actually but it’s a treat for my mum. I think it’s a lovely idea to try and reach out to your mum’s brother. My Dad only has his brother left on his side and unfortunately my Dad and his brother fell out years ago and hadn’t spoken for 30 years.
Let me know how you get on with your interview next week as well. You must go with your heart I think and do what you feel is right as regards the job. If you stay with the job you already do, would they agree to you just going back and seeing how you find it? I am a firm believer in better the devil you know, but at the same time if we never try new things then we’d never try anything at all xx

@Motheranddaughtertotwo

Hi, how are you?? Is your son feeling better? It would be lovely to hear from you xx

@LucyintheSky21
My dad likes to pretend he is coping but really is just bottling it all up and gets cross when I want to “keep going over it” when he just wants to forget about it, and when I cry. I think it is partly a generational thing (stiff upper lip and not showing your emotions) and partly his nature. I think it also comes from fear that I won’t be strong enough to cope when he has gone too. He is 84 next week so it is not likely to be many more years.

I think in my case my mum would have coped better than dad, mainly due to the fact that she was 13 years younger and in good health before she had cancer, whereas my dad has various health problems.

I also miss asking mum’s advice on things such as my job situation. I’m pretty sure she would advise me to stay where I am for now, but now she has gone I feel I need to decide for myself what is best. I can see there are pros and cons to staying and leaving, but will keep you posted.

I hope you enjoy your meal tomorrow.
x

Hi @Poppy04, I’m so sorry you’re having such a shit time of it. Acceptance took me a year and I’ve been feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck, I now truly believe that he’s gone and it’s an awful thing to really realise. Grief is so messed up, you come out of one part and think it’ll get easier but it’s just different. My mum is also my best friend in the world so I can’t imagine how awful you feel to have lost her.
Hey @LucyintheSky21 I’ve been thinking about you. How’s your week been? Are your boys both ok? My youngest is finally better so trying to cram in as much family stuff as I can before school. It seems to be back to 100 miles an hour and my anxiety is through the roof. I got to visit dads grave alone today and just as I was sobbing telling him I needed him a white butterfly appeared. It sounds silly but I swear dad was telling me that he’s here. I’m still really struggling with running two households. I’m always on the phone or sending emails and it seems relentless. How are you coping this week?

@Motheranddaughtertotwo

How are you doing?
I’ve been thinking about you too. I’m glad your son is better now, it really spoils things like holidays when they’re unwell, and it’s such a shame. I hope you’re managing to do some nice things before it’s time for them to go back to school. My two boys are ok but I can really see that my oldest (10) is struggling without Dad. He’s very emotional and I can see he has a wobble about things that he wouldn’t normally be bothered about. He misses my Dad terribly, it’s all he talks about. We had a nice family day out yesterday and it was nice for the kids but I have to tell you this because it is exactly the experience you had with the white butterfly.
I 100% know that was your Dad letting you know that he was there with you. It sounds bizarre to people not in our situation but I understand it. You might not see your Dad, but he is there. I had the same thing happen yesterday with a Robin redbreast. When my Dad died, it was about a week later when I was stood in my kitchen near the window and I was alone just staring out and tearful and feeling lost and broken. And all of a sudden a Robin came to my window and stopped outside the window on the wall looking in at me for about two minutes. It was my Dad’s way of saying he was there, he sent the Robin. I just knew the moment it happened and I even took a picture of it. And there are not many robin’s around in September. The same thing happened yesterday when we were out. I felt low all day while we were out, I just couldn’t get thoughts of Dad out of my head and we were walking together at this adventure place and a Robin came and perched on a wooden fence in front of us and it stopped and was looking at all of us. We all said straight away, it’s Dad! I can’t remember if I told you, I saw a spiritualist about a month after my Dad passed. I don’t know if you believe in things like that but when my Nan died 5 years ago someone told me about this woman and said she was amazing. She doesn’t advertise or anything, and I was sceptical at first but I rang her and went to see her after my Nan died and she knew nothing about me. And she told me my Nan was there (she didn’t even know my Nan had died, it could have been anyone) and all the stuff she knew was impossible for anyone to have guessed or known. It was all spot on accurate.
Anyway, I was feeling so low that I decided to see this woman after Dad had been gone about a month. I was desperate for anything fro my Dad, any kind of message from him. She was amazing. It made me cry and cry but she said straight away that my Dad had come through, my Nan as well and she knew every detail about my Dad and how he died etc. She said a lot of things which I’d happily tell you if you’re interested in a DM but she said my Dad would come to me in the form of wings. And this will be throughout my life. And so far, there’s been at least 3 times when a bird has come to me. Twice has been robin’s and one time was a few weeks ago when I went for a coffee with a friend and we were sat in the coffee shop when a bird appeared in the coffee shop above where we were sat on the ceiling! You just know when these things happen, so when you mentioned the white butterfly, I completely know what you mean. And it’s lovely to get signs. I just wish we could have the real thing, and have our Dad’s back. The spiritualist I saw told me that me and my mum would both get signs from my Dad and my mum’s signs would be in lights. I kid you not, the number of times I have been at my mum’s house and the light has started to flash on and off for two minutes and then stop. She’s even had the oven light come on and go off, without the oven even being turned on! So yes, I really do believe in signs from them that yes they are still here with us.
My oldest has been a bit upset recently about my sister. His auntie hasn’t even sent them an Easter egg this year. We’re going out for a meal with my mum tomorrow but we never go out for an Easter meal so it’s something different but of course not the same without Dad. I’m planing on going to my Dad’s grave i the morning before we go out to eat.
What have you got planned for this weekend?xx

Mum's wake yesterday. It sounds odd but it was really nice. Lots of shared memories & lovely stories, lots of laughing. I'd got some photos printed of when mum & dad were younger, including a wedding photo & everyone was taking pictures of them.

Fifteen people in all turned up - mostly family and a couple of mum's friends. Some no-show people said they had covid / vomiting but, but then posted pics of themselves out & about in parks etc. No problem, I understand they'd rather have family time, but I wish they'd have told the truth. I honestly wouldn't have minded.

Still, the important people were there. The buffet was HUGE, even for the number of people I'd asked to cater for. So much so people took trays of sandwiches home, and we said to take stuff into the lads in the vault of the club.

My cousin made the mistake of trying to wind DS up (jokey type not malicious). DS owned him! It was really funny seeing cousin lost for words for a change.

The other night I had a dream I was at someone's house and they gave me an embroidered family tree with all our names on. Then my grandad (who I adored, died when I was 14) came in from the kitchen with my mum & dad with a huge cake. I felt really happy & emotional.

Hi all I haven't posted on here for ages some people I know some new and all struggling with the loss of our parent/parents.

I have a funeral tomorrow first since my mum died last month. Am dreading it and really hope that I can keep my shit together. Already feeling emotional just thinking about standing next to a graveside burial it's going to bring it all back not that you ever forget.