Hello i wanted to reach out and tell you my experience. My mum also died due to kidney failure caused by sepsis. This started due to a cellulitis infection in her leg. I fought for her like mad, got 2nd opinions, wouldn't back down, tried with every single bit of fight in me to get her diyalisis but they never agreed. Said she wouldn't survive the treatment, critical care couldn't support her being out on a respiratory, said she'd never come of it. In the end we were told that mum was going to died and either she would die in comfort surrounded by her family or she would died on the operating table if they attempted diyalisis. Faced with being told that information what option did i have but to back down? Any attempt to continue pressing them would appear cruel and looking back this was what they were implying.
Since then there are legal proceedings ongoing regarding mums care at the care home and their failure to get medical help earlier. There has been an independent medical report obtained by a renal expert advising which states that in his opinion should diyalisis have been given mum would have made a full recovery. Jesus that was a kick in the face reading that report.
I've had the care inspection into the care home and my complaints upheld. It truly is an emotionally exhausting journey. Noone is accepting any responsibility for their decisions. None of it can bring my mum back but am still fighting for her.
Am just telling my mums story because even if u had shouted from the roof top, once the medics made their decision theres not much scope to change their minds. Guilt i found the most challenging of emotions after my mum died. Going over and over the whats and if and whys. All i can say is please, do not be hard on yourself. I work in health & social care and i put my trust in the staff at the care home to look after my mum and they let her down. I would imagine with your medical background you would have also been entrusting these professionals with your dads car. Sometimes our hands are tied and we put our faith in those in charge. Its different faced with such a highly intence emotional situation in your personal life compared with being in the professional capacity.
Am just over 2 years on and the legal battle continues but personally i have given myself a break now with feeling guilty. I keep telling myself that my mum would not want me to punish myself. I know she didn't want to die, she was scared in the hospital i could see that when she was awake but you cannot take on the responsibility of your dads treatment its not fair on yourself. In time hopefully you will be able to let go of the guilt. You never find peace because our parent has died but with some help and i got grief counseling from Cruse Bereavement, you can let some of that guilt go and feel thankful for having such an amazing parent, this is what i try to focus in now a days.
The anger towards those involved stays with you but it doesn't over come you as much as it did in the beginning. This is what i have found anyway but still am not giving up in the case just yet. Its the last thing that i can do for my mum and i don't want to let her down.