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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (March 2022) )

983 replies

Crunchymum · 28/02/2022 13:23

I hope no-one minds me starting a new thread, the old one is almost full.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/4352163-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-a-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread-September-2021

As always lots of love and strength and support to you all xxx

OP posts:
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Brokendaughter · 19/02/2023 17:40

I don't normally have the radio on, but the charts were on in the background while I was busy when Pink just punched me in the face with her song "When I Get There?".

I don't know how to deal with unexpected reminders & in a few days it will be my dads first birthday since he passed.

It's a beautiful song, but I really wasn't expecting to be in bits again today.

Ttc42nearly43 · 19/02/2023 22:12

mrssunshinexxx · 19/02/2023 14:10

It would of been my mums birthday tomorrow I just can't believe she's not here

I hear you, birthdays are rough even your own birthday its just a stark reminder that our mums are gone. Do you have anything planned for tomorrow or are you letting the day pass quietly?

Ttc42nearly43 · 19/02/2023 22:24

Brokendaughter · 19/02/2023 17:40

I don't normally have the radio on, but the charts were on in the background while I was busy when Pink just punched me in the face with her song "When I Get There?".

I don't know how to deal with unexpected reminders & in a few days it will be my dads first birthday since he passed.

It's a beautiful song, but I really wasn't expecting to be in bits again today.

Sometimes this happens, you go about your day to day life then wham you are back at the beginning, then it passes again until the next time. Sometimes i have whole days where i slip backwards into the sadness. I think the deeper the loss felt the greater the love we had with our parent. Sometimes i think how would my mum have coped if i had died, sounds dramatic i know but i think about that often and wonder how would she have managed to get on with her life. I try to raise my children like my mum raised me and my sister it is at keast something that i have left of her to pass on.

Similar to yourself song can bring back a flood of memories. Its really hard isn't it we just want them back with us again.

DelphiniumBlue123 · 20/02/2023 09:04

Back to work this morning after DF died last weekend. I'm all over the place. Have to lead a meeting with my team this morning. Feeling so peri menopausal too. Wishing I could go back to bed frankly 😢

mrssunshinexxx · 20/02/2023 14:39

@Ttc42nearly43 just letting I'd pass would of liked to put flowers on her grave but with a one and two year old it's too difficult to be able to reflect even for 10 seconds! And my husband is away x

Honeyroar · 20/02/2023 15:50

@ButnotforLola donr feel like you have to get everything done quickly. You don’t. My dad died in September and I’ve been the only one having to deal with everything. I also care for my poorly mother and run a little café. I just didn’t have the time to do everything quickly. You have six months to get probate applications in. They’ve suspended his council tax until it’s granted and they’ve even paid his winter fuel payment, which has meant his house can be warmed a little and left to tick over. We’ve been gradually sorting and emptying his house (a huge job. This is a small holding and you wouldn’t believe the stuff he has. Seventeen different drills, seven lawn mowers, three pairs of skis from the 70s, for example….!! I think we’re going to have to lie the things we don’t want our in a field and have our own car boot sale.

It might sound weird, but I brought the flowers from his coffin home, they were just too lovely to leave at the Crem. Initially I had them in the arched window of his barn conversation home, then I put them surviving flowers into vases as most died off. His funeral was early October and the last flower (orchid) has died today. 19 weeks! Just as that died the first of the crocus that he planted poked its head out today. I don’t know if it makes me smile or want to cry! Five months without him and it still doesn’t feel real. He used to go sailing for a lot of the winter about a decade ago, so it just feels like he’s gone on another jaunt and will be back soon.

Honeyroar · 20/02/2023 15:52

@mrssunshinexxx could you plant something in your own garden in her memory that you can go and see when you haven’t time to get to her grave? It doesn’t matter if you go, you’re thinking of her…

Ttc42nearly43 · 20/02/2023 20:43

Honeyroar · 20/02/2023 15:52

@mrssunshinexxx could you plant something in your own garden in her memory that you can go and see when you haven’t time to get to her grave? It doesn’t matter if you go, you’re thinking of her…

Sometimes i light a candle when my kids are in bed next to some pictures i have i my dining room. I like looking at the light and thinking of my mum. I have a metal lantern at her graveside too which i sometimes take a candle up too and light one for her.

mrssunshinexxx · 20/02/2023 21:10

@Honeyroar @Ttc42nearly43 thanks , nice ideas , it's not our 'forever home' but this is definitely my plan when we move. It's a weird one as she's shares her headstone with her mum and 2 sisters so it's not just my mum there x

Namechange1377 · 22/02/2023 11:04

Hi everyone
i'm not too sure if i've posted on this thread before but am finding great comfort in having a read.
unfortunately i lost my dear Dad in October very out of the blue. he was only 61.
i find myself angry and intensely jealous when colleagues talk about their parents (still alive) or even passing in their late 70s or 80s.

as others have said, i am so sad my son will grow up without a grandad, he was only 4 when he passed although we have plenty of photos and videos of them together.
glad to have been comforted this morning xx

ButnotforLola · 23/02/2023 18:02

Thank you @Honeyroar for your advice.
Being back at work means that I'm having to not be so hasty about things which is probably a good thing in a way.

Looking forward to the weekend. Work has been hard this week. In one way it has been a good distraction but I've also had to deal with difficult messages to my team this week which haven't gone down well. Roll on tomorrow!

Ttc42nearly43 · 04/03/2023 11:21

Tomorrow is the 2nd year anniversary if my mum dying cannot believe that its been so long since i was sat next to her holding her hand and she was still alive

Crunchymum · 04/03/2023 20:19

Anniversaries are always hard. Sending you lots of love and strength for tomorrow @Ttc42nearly43

The love never goes away. The memories never go away. The pain sadly never goes away. 💔

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 05/03/2023 16:51

It was 5 weeks on Friday since Dad passed away.

It's so so raw. I'm functioning, going to work and life goes on but my god it hurts. I'm slowly ploughing through his things as we have to hand his flat back in just over 2 weeks - he was a terrible hoarder and there are just boxes/containers/drawers full of random stuff that really is rubbish but it feels awful to be throwing it away. I took a full car load to the tip earlier, ended up bringing some of it home and sobbed my eyes out. Please tell me it gets easier Sad

monicagellerbing · 06/03/2023 11:14

Can I join. My dad died this morning. I'm heartbroken

Honeyroar · 06/03/2023 12:46

I’m so sorry Monicagellerbing. It’s horrible.

And for you Badger. It is added pressure that you have to clear the house so quickly. My dad was a hoarder too, but with a small holding- so we’ve barns and sheds to sort as well as the house. We’re five months in and barely made a dent. I’ve found getting rid of things he hoarded but didn’t use first made it easier, then the local food bank appealed for shoes in his size and coats, so that spurred me into sending a lot. I don’t know if it gets easier or you just get more resigned to it. Down days rush in from nowhere. But I feel like I have good days where I remember him with a smile too. The crocus he planted have just appeared, for example.

FerreroRocherAreAmazing · 07/03/2023 21:42

Can i join?

My mum passed away this afternoon after battling lymphoma and then contracting covid last week. It was peaceful but god does it hurt so much. They have just taken her to the directors and its just so devastating.

Tiredoftoday13 · 07/03/2023 22:58

My Dad died over 6 years ago and to say I'm not coping is an understatement. There's been various issues/family concerns/sickness going on, so always another reason not to deal with it. However, now I'm thinking I need to deal/accept it as it's not only causing me pain but also difficulties in daily life. I know it's not going to be easy but has anyone got any suggestions of websites/books etc to help with this

monicagellerbing · 08/03/2023 17:10

@Tiredoftoday13 I've just ordered this one off Amazon, has good reviews.

For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (March 2022) )
Bluemat · 08/03/2023 21:10

Can I join?
I lost my Dad two weeks ago tomorrow. I thought I was coping but I'm not. He had a really quick illness. Diagnosed with cancer beginning of February and gone before the end of the month.

I adored my Dad and I cannot believe he is gone. I spent weeks battling for him to get the care he needed, all the time thinking he would at least get treatment to prolong his life. Now he's gone and I'm just lost. I feel as though everyone thinks I'm coping but I'm not. He's on my mind all day and next week we have to say goodbye and I don't know how I'm going to do it.

Badger1970 · 08/03/2023 21:54

I'm sorry that we're all in this boat.

@Bluemat it's just awful isn't it? I felt a sort of shock/apathy for the 1st couple of weeks whereas now I'm just honestly devastated and really missing Dad. I can't look at photos without sobbing and it's starting to feel horribly real. And I'm so sick of waking at 4am and can't sleep. People are already moving on, and treating me like it's in the past and it's so bloody not.

Tiredoftoday13 · 08/03/2023 21:59

@monicagellerbing thank you for that.

I think unfortunately or fortunately not quite sure really its in my head and my stubbornness to accept hes gone. It's quite bizarre really cause as an adult and logically I know he's gone but emotionally I keep thinking if I'm better at something he'll come back.

@Bluemat sending you a massive virtual hug, it's just the worse feeling every isn't it.

Ttc42nearly43 · 11/03/2023 17:46

FerreroRocherAreAmazing · 07/03/2023 21:42

Can i join?

My mum passed away this afternoon after battling lymphoma and then contracting covid last week. It was peaceful but god does it hurt so much. They have just taken her to the directors and its just so devastating.

How are you getting on there? I lost my mum 2 years ago very unexpected. Do u want to tell us a bit about your lovely mum talking can help

monicagellerbing · 11/03/2023 22:04

I'm so fed up. He only died on Monday this week but I feel like I've been sad forever, I've stopped crying as much but I'm just going through the motions of day to day things, looking after the kids etc, he's all I think about and I feel like I have a black cloud over me. I just can't fathom how he's never coming back, I'll never see him again. It feels alien

FerreroRocherAreAmazing · 12/03/2023 18:36

She was a lovely woman. She suddenly last April got these lumps on her neck and behind her ears and they did a biopsy and she had lymphoma. They did chemo but she relapsed in January this year after collapsing and becoming paralysed because a tumour was in her spine.
They gave us weeks and they were right. It's just awful and I have now become a zombie with it all.

I'm sorry to @monicagellerbing . Its so rubbish what we are going though. It's like quicksand and I am exactly the same.
Massive virtual hugs to you .

Tommorow we have a meeting with the directors and we shall see what's going to happen.

Thank you @Ttc42nearly43 . It hopefully will help xx

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