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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

How to say goodbye to my baby

120 replies

CharlotteB86 · 03/02/2022 05:03

My beautiful baby boy is having his respiratory support turned off today. He was born prematurely and has fought so hard to stay here and been through so much over the last three months. I love him so much, and can't bear what is ahead for him, I don't know how I will find the strength to cope.

His consultants have said this is the end but when I look into his eyes I just can't bear what is ahead for him and us, and he has no idea what is coming. I've always had so much hope for him even when the bad news just kept on coming about his health conditions, and it's hard to not think but what if they try this, or does he just need more time. I know it's the right thing to do but it feels like the clock is ticking too fast before I have to leave my baby, my mind is spiralling ahead thinking about his funeral, after his funeral, whether I'll ever get back to the person I was before, and how our family will be in future. I'm thinking of all he could have been, of the amazing bond I know he would have with his big brother.

I've been so afraid all these weeks of him picking up infections that now I don't feel I've got close enough to him. I've spent the last 48 hours by his side, kissing him, cuddling him and looking into his eyes and it has been wonderful but so bittersweet at the same time.

OP posts:
YupNameChangeAgain · 03/02/2022 05:08

I am so very sorry to read this
Nothing I write can be of any worth but I must share all my wishes and prayers to you
And your beautiful baby boy

You’re right to hold and kiss him now. He will feel your love and this will be all he needs from you.

Hope you have support too. Love your big boy a bit extra to make up for his loss and talk about baby brother to him. He will stay in your hearts together , forever

Wishing you strength to go through this tough day

ShippingNews · 03/02/2022 05:14

Oh dear, I'm so sorry . What a sad, sad day for you . Your lovely boy knows that he is loved and will always be loved by you. Sending my prayers and thoughts to you , and holding your hand .

Howtotameyourtoddler · 03/02/2022 05:31

I couldn't read this and not reply. I am so deeply sorry, this is truly unimaginable.

He will feel your love and know that you are there. Sending love and strength to you and your precious boy.

BuddhaAtSea · 03/02/2022 05:34

Sending you love and strength. We’re here for you. There are no words, I’m so so sorry you’re having to go through this ❤️

Elderflower14 · 03/02/2022 05:56

I am so sorry... I've been through the same experience but my son was only two hours old.... I am sending you love, strength and prayers xxxxx 💐

Wiseupkid · 03/02/2022 05:59

Oh op, I am so sorry - what a truly horrendous thing to go through. I am so sorry.

Livebythecoast · 03/02/2022 06:02

Oh Charlotte, I'm so very very sorry. 💔. I cannot begin to imagine how you're feeling.

Would you like to share your beautiful boys name with us? Flowers

Perpop · 03/02/2022 06:09

Sending you love & strength. He will be looking back into your eyes feeling safe & loved x

tiredanddangerous · 03/02/2022 06:15

I'm so sorry Flowers

SquirrelG · 03/02/2022 06:18

I am so sorry Flowers Your baby knows he is loved, and he won't know his time to leave has come - that sadness belongs to those of you left behind. Sending you love and strength.

Bex268 · 03/02/2022 06:25

What a truly heartbreaking post. Look after yourself and grieve in whatever way you need to xx

MyOtherProfile · 03/02/2022 06:26

Heartbreaking. We are all with you in our thoughts.

coodawoodashooda · 03/02/2022 06:28

I am so, so sorry. Love him and pray. I am so sad to hear your news.

BigFkingRegret223 · 03/02/2022 06:30

I cannot begin to imagine your heart ache. Not too sure what to say that would give you comfort but seriously you sound like an incredibly strong person. Your beautiful boy is lucky to have you as his mum. I hope you have people around you to support you.

Feel free to share your happy memories of him.
Flowers

Lockdownbear · 03/02/2022 06:30

Sending love and strength to get through today and the hard times ahead. Flowers

I hope you are able to get bereavement support for yourselves and your older boy.

loveattheFair · 03/02/2022 06:31

I am so sorry op. Thanks

BigFkingRegret223 · 03/02/2022 06:32

@Elderflower14 Flowers

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 03/02/2022 06:37

I am so sorry. Wishing you all the love and strength in the world today. xxx

springblossom22 · 03/02/2022 06:38

I too couldn't read this without replying.

I'm so so sorry for all that you're going through. Please know that you have, and will always do, what is best for your little boy. All you can do now is wrap him up in a blanket of love and make all the memories you can. Sending you strength and love at this devastating time❤️

Pamlar · 03/02/2022 06:42

So very sorry.
Will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Take some pictures, even of his hands and feet.
He will feel your love and know that you are with him.

vickic89 · 03/02/2022 06:44

I am so sorry op 💐

NotMeekNotObedient · 03/02/2022 06:45

So sorry OP. Couldn't not reply. My heart aches for you.

There are no words I can say that will diminish this pain but I am sending you strength.

Being a baby in your mums arms must be amazing, feeling warm and safe and so so loved.

Cottagepieandpeas · 03/02/2022 06:49

I’m so sorry to read this. He will feel how much you love him.
Sending love and strength to you and your loved ones, today and after today. Flowers
There will be people here to listen and care after this most difficult of days.

Peanut82 · 03/02/2022 06:49

Utterly heartbreaking 💔
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sending you lots of love ❤️

loislovesstewie · 03/02/2022 06:51

I shall hold you and your beautiful baby in my heart today.