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Bereavement

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I am going to lose Mum soon, next few hours

147 replies

marmitecake · 15/01/2022 20:54

I've never really been someone to start posts and have been on MN for ten years but tonight I need to reach out. I'm with my beloved DM in her nursing home and she has only a little time left, maybe a few hours. She's so young really - in my eyes, just 78. I knew it was coming as she's been so ill, in and out of hospital for three years, but not so soon. I just don't know how I'm going to get over this as well as support my two teenagers and my DF in their grief. We've had such a close relationship over the years and she's such a fantastic mum and grandma. How on earth do you move on.

OP posts:
TopTabby · 16/01/2022 23:25

Sorry for your loss, she sounds a lovely woman x

StopStartStop · 16/01/2022 23:27

I'm sorry for your loss. Will say a prayer for you and your family and for your mum to rest in peace and joy.

shoebag · 16/01/2022 23:32

Sorry for your pain Thanks

Hugasauras · 16/01/2022 23:33

So sorry for your loss, but glad for you that you got to have that time with her. No better way to send her off on her next journey. Thanks

SRS29 · 16/01/2022 23:42

OP so sorry for your loss, your mum sounded like a wonderful lady Flowers

MoiraNotRuby · 16/01/2022 23:47

I am sad for you and your family, your mum sounds amazing. I am sure you will take care of each other as you grieve xx

JaneJeffer · 16/01/2022 23:49

I'm sorry for your loss Thanks

DramaAlpaca · 16/01/2022 23:52

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP Flowers

babbi · 16/01/2022 23:58

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐
Take care of yourself and take each day as it comes .
I’ll be thinking of you .

caringcarer · 17/01/2022 00:22

So glad you and your family got to be with your amazing Mum before she passed. Take things very easy. Don't make yourself do stuff too quickly. Spend a bit of time remembering your Mum. When my Mum passed I let DC have a couple of days off from school to come to terms with loosing their DGM. We went through old photos and DC chose some to go into one of those large photo frames with lots of little frames in to go into the hall.

thaegumathteth · 17/01/2022 01:26

I'm sorry for your loss @marmitecake sending lots of love to you

Kanfuzed123 · 17/01/2022 04:06

I’m so glad your last memories with your lovely mum were beautiful ones.

I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m sure the world will be a little bit darker without her in it. There’s is not right way to grieve her loss but it will get easier for you all.

When I lost my dad, this poem spoke to me a little bit, it’s quite well known but I’ll post it below.

‘ Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.

All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!’

You and your mum will have a right little giggle again soon enough

AlDanvers · 17/01/2022 04:38

Op I am so sorry for your loss.

You will be in my thoughts . Be kind to yourself and all look after each other. Flowers

2018SoFarSoGreat · 17/01/2022 05:10

Ah @marmitecake I'm so sorry. We are never ready to lose our mums. 💐

It sounds like you made it as good an end as is possible. That will give you some comfort in time.

UnUdderOne · 17/01/2022 05:22

FlowersFlowers

slapmyarseandcallmemary · 17/01/2022 05:28

Sorry for your loss.

Geamhradh · 17/01/2022 05:43

So sorry
As others have said, look after yourself now. One step at a time. Flowers

HereticFanjo · 17/01/2022 08:38

Sending you love OP x

Tomeeornottomee · 17/01/2022 09:08

I’m so sorry for your loss @marmitecake
I’m glad your mum passed peacefully. Thinking of you and your family 💐💐

BoodleBug51 · 17/01/2022 19:29

So sorry for your loss, but glad your Mum went peacefully and with dignity. Take care of yourself Flowers

marmitecake · 17/01/2022 21:30

Have been incredibly busy today phoning or emailing people, initial conversations with funeral directors etc., then reality hits you. It is difficult to eat too as stomach is in knots and a horribly gnawing ache.

The initial few days are very surreal after a loss. You can't quite 'be' in the world.

This is exactly how I am feeling this evening. Have made an unexpected visit to the pub with a dear friend, my oldest friend, who has travelled from Wales, whose DM was my DM's close friend and we chatted about their lives and laughed.

OP posts:
mama3bears · 17/01/2022 22:19

You'll probably feel like that until after the funeral. Until the funeral there's so much to do, decisions to make etc that you don't have time to think too much.
Once that's out the way it'll hit you so be prepared for feeling very low and down.

There's no normal way to feel, no normal way to grieve and no normal way to cope just do what is right for you and if you need to offload there'll always be someone around on here ThanksWine

Sideswiped · 17/01/2022 22:51

@marmitecake, that sounds quite normal, especially if you are heavily involved in plans for someone who has passed away (I hope you don't feel I'm being disrespectful to your DM).
Make sure you take the time to look after yourself (even if you don't feel like it!) It's important that you do take care as you're carrying the load. So, long baths, watching films, reading books - whatever allows you to escape for a little while. And make sure you eat.
Make sure you're getting enough sleep too.
Think of yourself too, in the circumstances, is what I suppose I'm saying. If you don't do that, ultimately it will impact on you and I'm certain your DM would never have wanted that.

sandgrown · 18/01/2022 06:22

Thinking of you @marmitecake. The period to the funeral is busy and surreal. I couldn’t start to heal and move forward until the funeral was over . You will never forget your mum and the happy memories will stay with you . I still feel my mum is watching over us and she died over 30 years ago x

marmitecake · 21/01/2022 18:31

I'm so very grateful for all the posts helping me through this earlier this week. I might join the other support thread for those who have lost a parent at some point.

Been such a busy week. Funeral all organised and the after service reception is being firmed up. Went to collect mum's personal stuff from nursing home today then cleaned the house for DF. Then it just hits you. Quite surreal. Shock. Thankful for the support from family, friends and MN.

Tomorrow I'm going to focus on DS's first driving lesson.

OP posts: