My husband died suddenly today- I couldn’t save him

[Etotheipiplus1equals0]

My 48 year old husband died this morning. We don’t know why but it was probably a massive heart attack. I found him face down wedged between furniture and making grunting noises. I called 999 but it took me ages to get him out and on his back as he is big and I am small. I did cpr and the paramedics worked on him for over an hour but there was no response. My poor kids witnessed a lot of this (9 and 6). I am lost. I keep imagining if I’d just got him out quicker and started cpr sooner he might still be alive. How do I stop picturing his face as he died? I miss him so much and the kids are so young. I’m just not sure I can get through it

I can’t sleep. My daughter has only just dropped off and now every time I feel myself drifting my brain jerks me out of it. My daughter said she’s worried about me dying too and then she will be an orphan and have nobody. I must stay physically and mentally well for the kids.

Thank you for the pm’s I have had. I will respond when I feel able to.

Thinking of you and the children.
I am genuinely sorry for your loss.

How utterly tragic.

I also came to say that the odds of surviving a cardiac arrest are very low even in hospital, never mind out of hospital. You did all you could.

Sending you peaceful thoughts in this awful time.

There are so many things I want to say to him

You can still say them, tell him everything you want to say. He’s an astronomer, talk to his stars @Etotheipiplus1equals0 he will hear you I promise.

I’m so completely and utterly sorry for his loss and the upset your family is now facing, nothing I can say will be eloquent enough to convey how sorry I am for you all, truly.

Make yourself a milky drink and just lie in bed so you are warm, don't worry about sleeping, you can catch up tomorrow. Try and keep to some sort of routine if you can, it will help the kids. Don't worry about responding to the PM's, everyone will understand.

Have just read this and I cannot even comprehend how you are feeling now, and the shear horror you have witnessed and gone through.
Can I just emphasise that most people do not survive an out of hospital cardiac arrest .
I really hope that you and your children are getting so much support and love 💐💕💐💕

Oh lord, I'm so sorry to read this - how awful for you all.

As others have said, it sounds like a massive heart attack and it's unlikely you could have saved him even if he'd not been stuck where he was. I've lost family members that way before and it's just so heartbreaking for the person who is with them and trying to save them, but always it's the same story - couldn't have done anything to save them at that point.

Wrapping you in long distance ((((Hugs)))) - I'm in Australia so if you need to chat through the night, I'm mostly here.

Omg I'm so so very sorry 💐

Please lean on others and gain strength x

I'm so sorry OP, be kind to yourself, sending a handhold

So sorry for your loss xxxx

I keep imagining if I’d just got him out quicker and started cpr sooner he might still be alive.

You did your best, you couldn'tve done any better. x

What sad news. I am so sorry for you and your children - it must have been a terrible shock. You all loved each other so, and you will continue to do so. I hope that gives you strength to get through these difficult days xx

I'm so sorry it's not the same but I lost my dad in his early 60s this suddenly from
a massive stroke in October. It's such a huge shock, I remember not really believing it had happened that night, despite crying about it and talking about it with people. Take care of yourself and be with your family in the coming days x

I am so sorry. He sounds like a lovely man.

I can’t read. I’ve tried playing games on my phone but I just can’t concentrate. I just keep scrolling on here and news sites to keep my brain occupied. If I stop i really have to think about it and I just can’t bear it.

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Your husband sounds like a wonderful father and partner.

I woke up and thought of you, sorry you are finding it hard to rest, though it's completely understandable of course.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss OP, he sounds wonderful. I dont know if anyone has said already, but CPR only saves people a fraction of the time, there was nothing you could've done.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It is totally normal that you cannot focus on anything right now and are flitting from one thing to another. You have a lot to process. My dad died when I was in my teens and for the longest time I never thought I would get over it. But I did. Finally getting counselling for myself helped. Getting some for your dcs and yourself will help. Your dh knew how much you and your children loved him and he will have known you did everything you could. Big hugs to you all.

I too lost my husband, suddenly in October. He went into hospital, just for some tests, and because of Covid I couldn’t be there for him. I dropped him off and went home, then the hospital phoned asking me to make my way back to the hospital as he had taken a turn for the worse. He was dead when I got there! The hardest thing for me was that this was first time throughout his illnesses that I wasn’t there with him and, despite knowing that there is nothing I could have done, I still feel guilty that I wasn’t there!

I only get by because I have to look after our family. They mean I have to stay strong and you will have to as well. Our children need us to support them and to reassure them that dad may not be here any more, but mum is and she loves them and she’s not going anywhere. Your children are the reason you need to keep going.

Be kind to yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 🙏💐

So sorry for your loss,your husband sounds like a lovely man. As pp's are saying it is very very unlikely anything you could have done differently would have saved him.

When I had a traumatic event and couldn't sleep I used to put the rolling news channel on and the repetitive nature eventually let me drift off to sleep. Another way would be to put an audiobook on to listen to that you really know the story of because your brain gets tricked into allowing you to sleep as you know what's coming next.

I watched as my mother died while EMTs did CPR. It's been 6 years and I'll never forget how she looked. But as time has passed, the image doesn't stay fixed in my mind all the time.

I get pulsatile tinnitus though it’s been quiet for a year or so now (I had a scan and no cause found). It’s back and every time I think about him it gets so loud....

I lost my step dad to a massive heart attack in 1987 and still remember it as if it was yesterday. I'd paid for mum to have her hair done for Mother's Day and she wasn't there... if he'd passed 10 minutes later he'd have been on his own as we were all heading off that day while he waited for mum to return. He was 54 and a strong truck driver and the best SD ( our own dad died when my DB and I were 2 and 4) mum met our SD later in life. Although my DH was trained in first aid poor SD was 'dead before he hit the floor' then I was in my early 20s and had to tell DM when she came home after the ambulance had taken SD. I still remember my late DM reaction and how her heart broke. My consolation is both with my SD and my DH ( also in 50s and heart attack) that their last moments were spent with those who loved them, that will give you comfort in the weeks and months to follow. You will get sad, mad and even resentful but it's a process that you have to go through in order to heal and you will also find you will be strong for your children who's grief may come out on many different ways. I send you the biggest hug and strength as one who feels your pain. Xx