For Anyone Needing Support After Losing A Parent. Very Supportive Thread

[Mummylin]

Luckily I was keeping my eye on the thread so it would of been ok. Hopefully this new thread will once again bring comfort to newly bereaved.
To the newest posters, I wish you all the best in the coming weeks / months.
And to the longer term posters, thankyou for being such a support to each other. 💐

I’ve just come on to welcome all the newcomers although I’m so sorry you have to be here
@Nurse1980
@Coronation
@ivymummy
@solicitoring

I’m so very sorry that all of you are undergoing such pain at parting from your mums and dads.

These first few days and weeks are full of terrible, raw, visceral pain. We won’t get over it but I hope it will get ‘better’, in the way a bad wound heals but leaves a scar and an ache. We’ll always love and remember them.

@nurse1980 I am so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine how hard it is.xx

I haven’t been on here for a little while but I just wanted to say hi to all the names of those I recognise & sorry to see you but welcome, to all you new faces.
It does get easier as the months pass, (It’s been nearly 9 months since my wonderful dm passed) but birthdays, Mother’s Day & so many other occasions make our grief so raw. I’ve recently got an allotment & still can’t get my head around she will never even know.
I don’t understand how some weeks seem ok, but others...
I haven’t been able to see my dad since August as I work in a preschool and he is too scared of catching covid to see me. We live too far to visit without staying so can’t even see him from the other side of a window. So not only have I lost my mum, due to covid I can’t see & help support my dad. We’ve still got so much sorting of my mums stuff to do & scattering her ashes.
I just miss my mum.

Sorry to see all the newcomers here and Nurse1980 I am so very sorry for your double loss. My heart really aches for you.

I hope in time you are able to find comfort in your parents being together and the joint funeral (although must have been doubly hard for you) is actually quite lovely.

It is us left behind who suffer, but the suffering won't be constant and the pain becomes interspersed with happy memories and new moments of joy (you then feel sad and guilty that you feel joy but it is good to know it is still there!!)

I don't cry everyday anymore but I still think of my wonderful mum many, many times a day and I see her face all the time [have my favourite picture of her on the mantlepiece].

It's amazing how we manage to cope. It's amazing how we find our way.

Just got the news today that my lovely little cat has cancer and can't be cured. She's 18 and had a good life but I just can't believe this is happening now. She was our family cat, mum saw the ad when she was a kitten. I was 17 when we got her. She adored my dad and was like his little shadow. She moved in with me 10 years ago when my parents moved and they weren't allowed to bring her with them. She's been with me through my whole adult life.

I feel cursed. I've lost my dad, followed by my mum, and now this. I know it's not the same but it still hurts like hell. Can everyone please stop dying on me?

So sorry @Cherrycee I can totally see why you feel like that it's so unfair like of course your cat is very old but why couldn't this happen next year or something to give you some time respite without yet more sadness pets really are part of the family and of course another link to your parents

Oh @Cherrycee I am so sorry to hear about your little cat. They become such a huge part of the family / our lives. It must feel never ending for you.

Just hold on to the fact your cat bought you lots of joy and you gave her a lovely life.

It is harder of course as the cat is bound with your mum and dad too. If you ever feel up to sharing any pictures, I'd love to see her.

I lost my cat (sudden illness and she was only 12 but we had to have her put to sleep) on 14th September and my mum died suddenly on 21st September. So in a different way my grief for my mum is intrinsically linked with the loss of my lovely cat. I hadn't even had time to process losing the cat before mum died and even now I struggle to think about the cat without getting really upset (oddly I do much better thinking about mum? Its so stange!)

We welcomed a new kitten around Christmas. I was hesitatant but it was really good for us as a family. I use a different vets now though, I found even the thought of going back to the one where we had our cat PTS was too triggering.

Sorry I've digressed. Just wanted to say please don't feel guilty and enjoy what time you have left with your lovely girl ❤

You poor thing, @Cherrycee - we feel the loss of our beloved pets so keenly. We lost our dear old cat (he was almost 19) soon after my dad died and there were times when I felt I was crying more about him than my dad - but tbh I think it was all part of the same thing.

13 years later we're just starting to feel we need another cat but there are no kittens to be had anywhere....

Thank you @mrssunshinexxx , @Crunchymum and @Brillig

When we took her home yesterday the vet said she could have a few weeks with a decent quality of life and she gave us medication for her. She's not doing well though, she's barely eating anything and has no energy. I think this is it. I'll be calling the vet in the morning.

She's such a sweet little cat. For a few days after mum died she would sit on me and brush my hair with her paws. She never did it before or since.

Pic attached. Devastated to be losing her but I know she had a good life, just have to keep trying to remember that.

Awww sweetheart, she is a beauty.

Wising you strength and fortitude to get through this ❤

Thank you crunchymum.

We lost her last night. The place feels so empty without her. There are memories of her everywhere we look, which is nice but also really hard. We just miss her so much already. I hope Dad is minding her again up there, silly as that sounds.

I'm sorry to hear that Cherrycee

I know its been a bit of a shocker but at least she didn't have to suffer. Our girl was poorly for a week (and very poorly, couldn't move towards the end) and seeing her suffer was awful.

I like to think she is with my mum ❤

Thank you, it's nice to think they're up there with at least some of their humans again.

Sorry if I derailed the thread a bit. It just feels like a shit cherry on top of a shit cake.

This weekend last month was when mum was really ill. This day last month was the last time I saw her alive, though she was unconscious and very ill. It actually feels like so long ago now.

I don't know how to cope with work, I've just had too much sadness and I can't focus at all. I'm only a few months in the job and nobody else can do what I do. I took six full days and four half days when mum died and I still didn't feel ready. I was then told when I came back that this was 'excessive' and I'd have to take most of it as annual leave. I just don't feel like I can cope with all this.

Oh gosh, I can't believe how shit your work have been.

I went back a week later but only as I WFH, I couldn't have gone into the office.

Is WFH a possibility for you @Cherrycee?

Or could you get signed off?

If you aren't coping then forcing yourself to carry on isn't going to work long term. You need to do what is best for your own mental and physical health x

I am WFH already which is good, but it's just so busy at the moment and I feel under a lot of pressure. And I know that if I take time off, I'll be swamped when I come back. If I keep feeling really overwhelmed I'll think about getting signed off.

Just keep an eye on things, your own emotional and physical wellbeing is paramount. Grief isn't a straight line with a set date you feel better - I really think people who haven't been there fail to understand this.

I know businesses can't give unlimited time but they should look after us and support us.

I can feel things bubbling beneath the surface for me.

I have had the kids home since December and I have been so busy and distracted I haven't had time to think / dwell.

But Sunday is Mother's day and the Sunday after is 6 months since my Mum died. I can't comprehend that I have done 6 months of my life without her. How? How am I doing this? How has life trundled on without her?

I lost my Dad to Covid last spring. It was very tough.

I started the probate paperwork pretty soon after but then came totally off the rails with it in August when I was hit by a series of family disasters. The dust is starting to settle and I’ve been torturing myself mentally for weeks knowing I need to get the paperwork done. I feel Dad would really sympathise with the horrendous time I’ve been through and be telling me I was doing fine. I want to get this done for him and I’m pretty sure there’s a deadline looming.

Unfortunately my sibling has made it more difficult although not intentionally, I’d prefer to believe. I’ve tried hard to do the right thing but there’s not enough of me to go round.

I’m having a hard time with grief. I’m hiding it as much as possible because I have other demands on me. I feel exhausted a lot of the time.

I really sympathise over the exhaustion, @21growbags. I feel like curling up into a ball until everything goes away. I'm a grown adult and I feel as though I've lost all ability to deal with anything. I can barely comprehend how anyone runs their life on any level, I'm getting a bit frightened by how incapable I now feel of doing anything at all.

It's a combination of lockdown and grief, I suppose.

Yes Brillig exactly.

@Crunchymum Life just carrying on as normal around you is one of the hardest things, while you feel stuck in some sort of horrible bubble.

@21growbags I'm sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to my Dad last April. It sounds like your tank is empty, and when you feel like that the task in front of you seems even bigger. Is it possible to get some time off to just rest for a few days before trying to tackle it? Do you have friends who can give you a hand (if not with paperwork, then things like shopping or childcare if you need it)?

Morning ladies, just checking in, seeing how everyone's doing?

I’ve just found this thread, I lost my mum to cancer in January and it’s been 8 years since I lost my dad. It doesn’t feel real, i can’t get my head around the fact she’s not just a short drive or a phone call away. I’ve found it hard this week with my DD back at school, I was too busy all day to stop and think before then.

Just saying hi. Reading through.
The sadness 😔
The loss of my mum is bound up with the loss of my dog. So I know what you mean. However, I do take comfort that they are together. My dog, Molly, used to 'talk' to her 'nana' and say how the old girls needed to stick together. It made my mum laugh. She used to talk back to her and say, 'I'm not going to answer you, I'm not that daft.' and things like that. Whole conversations.
I miss that. 😢 I'm glad I had it.
I still want it. I'm... Working on that. Working on acceptance. I don't think I'm there, but that's OK. It has to be.
Sending you all my love.
It is hard.
One really good thing I always feel when I come here, though, is the amount of love. Parental, unconditional love.
Take care, everyone.

@Everyotherday I'm so sorry for your loss. It would be hard any time, but there's an extra layer of weirdness to grief at the moment when our routines are so disrupted.

@Spiritwriter I love those kind of memories. I found some photos the other day of my Dad playing with the cat when she was little. Hopefully they have each other now. Would you believe her name was Molly too!