For Anyone Needing Support After Losing A Parent. Very Supportive Thread

[Mummylin]

Luckily I was keeping my eye on the thread so it would of been ok. Hopefully this new thread will once again bring comfort to newly bereaved.
To the newest posters, I wish you all the best in the coming weeks / months.
And to the longer term posters, thankyou for being such a support to each other. 💐

Know what you mean about the world keeping turning first time I saw snow drops I cried she will never see a spring, no baby lambs, birds tweeting, the sun on her skin, floating in the sea, eating a roast dinner I could go on and on.

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since Mum passed and I'm still waiting for the big 'breakdown'. I can feel it 'stuck' in my chest as a 24 hr a day sense of anxiety. I've shed tears off and on but that 'big cry' just won't come.

I posted on the last thread that Mum was 98 with advanced dementia, but her cause of death was Covid. I do consider her death a 'blessed release' but I do still feel grief at her death. I just can't get the grief out.

My dad was April last year too (20th) and I can't believe it's been nearly a year. With him it was very sudden and with mum she went downhill gradually, so we've experienced both. I don't know which is worse for the people left behind. Both are shit in their own ways.

@mrssunshinexxx she died on the 5th. It was a horrible traumatic experience, I struggle everyday because of it. The first few months felt like a blur, I can’t really remember much of it. I still find her things round the house, until recently her coat was still hung in the hall just as she had left it. I have her perfume on my dressing table and it brings back all the memories of her. She was too young to die, 60 is no age, I wanted her to have an amazing retirement. Life is cruel sometimes.

@Cherrycee i agree. I lost my Dad 18 months before my Mum, from cancer. Utterly heartbreaking as he was in so much pain and he knew he was going to die. Both ways are awful, I never got to say goodbye to my Mum, not properly. I will never know if she knew I was there holding her hand or brushing her hair when she was in ICU. No one can compare deaths and what is worse, losing anyone is shit.
I like to imagine she is somewhere better surrounded by her dogs, out of pain with plenty of cakes!

I feel EXACTLY the same @Glitterb
. Do you have children ? Mine was 63 like you I wanted her to have so much fun and travel and I hoped to look after her when she got elderly. It's so so so heart wrenching my heart physically hurts. We spread her ashes yesterday and I just looked at them in my hand. I have no idea what the purpose of life is when the good people get dealt hands like all of ours on here and our beloved parents having their lives cut so cruelly short

@mrssunshinexxx I wish I could help you 🤗 sending hugs x
All of you... So much love sent. It is awful to watch a love one suffer and then die. Led me to lots of questions as you said... What's the point.
But... I do feel a point, so I am glad. I am glad for the strong days.
We will all have them. Their love doesn't die. It is eternal.
And I personally believe they don't either. Physically yes.
But anyway, that is me. Those moments you feel your loved one with you... Are precious.

@Spiritwriter xx

Hi all

I fell off the thread when it filled up & started afresh. Hope you’re all managing as well you can & am sending love.

Dad’s funeral was on Friday evening. It was just the five of us - really intimate, dignified and frankly, couldn’t have gone smoother. But it was still just so hard.

The anger is hitting me now and it’s so overwhelming at times that I can barely breathe. I pride myself on being even tempered normally but I feel just so out of control. I sobbed for 5 and a half hours the other night, after letting rip at my husband for not being supportive enough.

@UncomfortableBadger I am so sorry to hear this. All understandable. That feeling of barely breathing... I know that. It's awful.
Sounds like you really needed that outburst followed by the sobs.
I hope your husband takes note. Has he lost a loved parent, or does he not know what it's like?
Sending strength and love.
It is rough. We're all here for each other in here x

@fourandahalfkids I can't see anything but my Dad being so ill with cancer, I actually find it really upsetting seeing photos of him from before he got ill and looking so health.
It's been nearly 4 weeks since he died, and I am so angry about cancer and how it makes you suffer with pain & the horrible, undignified slow death it causes.

Sorry I know not typically on topic but just wondered how everyone feels about the road map plan out of lockdown
I know there are huge positives but I have read even with this plan there wil still be another 30000 deaths before June 21st and that just seems entirely wrong and avoidable ?!
I also don't look forward especially with family (in-laws) as I am very anxious and for a year now this has been out life and all of my babies and she isn't going to be passed around like a parcel as the risk is very much still there this virus is still there. I think my anxiety definitely stems from losing my mum so fast and totally out of the blue I am very much of the mindset that anything can happen. I am looking forward to a couple of days out with baby and hubby hopefully to a farm and the beach. It lifts completely a week before babies 1st birthday and I just don't want a big fuss hoping the irritating people in my life will just back off

It's very difficult @mrssunshinexxx, and I can totally see how conflicted you must feel. I normally stay away from the Coronavirus boards on here because I find them quite hard to take, especially when people argue for restrictions to be lifted very quickly.

Sadly, Covid isn't going to go away, it hasn't been eradicated and there will still be infections and deaths. But conversely, I can see that some sort of lifting needs to happen, with caution.

Those of us who've lost beloved family members (especially those who've been bereaved because of Covid) will of course be more wary and anxious. I think you'd be totally justified in wanting in-laws to understand and respect that. I hope you get some time away with DH and your baby, you need a break.

I agree. I want to scream when I see some of the comments on the restrictions. Some people clearly think lives don't have value over a certain age, or if there's an underlying condition involved. It's disgusting and selfish and I'm certain they'd feel very differently if they were the vulnerable ones.

I'm back at work and finding it really hard. All my work has piled up while I was out and I'm getting yet more stuff chucked on top. I'm also finding it really hard to concentrate which doesn't help. It's like the moment you're back they think everything is normal again.

Thank you @Brillig

@Cherrycee it's amazing how quickly people start treating us normally again.
Sorry that you are under a lot of pressure at work

@mrssunshinexxx I cannot wait for restrictions to be lifted, this year has been horrendous! I live alone so have been forced to grieve alone and handle most things by myself. Solicitors and other organisations have been quite frankly appalling, we are finally getting somewhere nearly a year later. I do not dispute that corona will not to away but I am unwilling to live in fear for the rest of my life. I have lost both my parents aged 32, neither from covid but both from ‘one of those things’ this alone has opened my eyes. Life is precious and it can all change so quickly.

I want to see what is left of my family, see the world, go to rugby games and make memories (and maybe have a nice cold pint of cider in the pub) I don’t want to be sad anymore, this lockdown is making me plunge into depression and I don’t want that. I want to smile when I think of them both, not be flung back to them long months in hospital preying for a miracle that didn’t come.

How is everyone ? I feel like I have had the best 2 days since mum died no idea why just feel the most balanced and stable I have since she left me. Then the guilt creeps in about why I feel so ok. Occasionally this happens where I feel a little better then it all comes crashing down a couple days later so I am expecting that again which is fine. Keep getting the urge to watch my wedding dvd but it's probably too soon to see her actually living and moving. Pictures are totally different

It's ok to be ok.
We'll all never be quite the same again but we'll be Ok.
Sorting out a Mother's Day card for my stepmum just now and thinking about the pop-up-flowers cards I would get Mum in hospital because real flowers were too germy and not allowed. I feel like all my grief is like a huge body of water stuck behind big steel doors rusted shut with just a tiny crack at the bottom so it seeps very.slowly.through.
I am doing stuff on Ancestry but I can't do too much at once as it somehow stirs something up, all the thinking about the past.

Ladies do you mind if I ask a bit of a difficult question? It's something I've been wrestling with.

Jointing. I've just lost my sad. So fucking awful. My mum died just over a year ago. I feel bereft.

Do you have a good relationship with your step mum @FluffyFluffyClouds

@Shockedandspeechless yes ask away x

@solicitoring so sorry do you want to tell us about him? X

May I join in?

I am in my early 30s. My dad died 14 years ago of a brain tumour. I was very close to him and I miss him every day. It hit us really hard and I guess we never really got over it (DM, DSis and me). We have always been very close, and my DM and DSis are my best friends.

3 years ago, DM was diagnosed with a degenerative illness. And 3 months ago she started developing dementia. She is now bedridden, and doesn't remember me or my sister. I can't cope with the situation, despite being alive, I miss her more than anyone! She was my best friend. I spoke to her every day at least a couple of times. She has always been there for me, and I can't believe that I have lost her already.

I find it really unfair to have lost both parents at my age. Everyone I know have both healthy parents. I have 2 DC, but DM is not aware of my DS who was born 2 months ago.

I cannot stop crying. When I am not crying is because I force myself not to. I hate this life, I think it is not worth living without them. I know I am not the only one in this situation, but of course I don't find any relief from knowing that.

That truly sounds heartbreaking it was my worst fear for my mum to develop Alzheimer's or similar in old age and not know who I was. I don't really have any advise but couldn't ignore you. Does your sister live near ? Is your dh supportive? I am glad you have your sister that bond will keep you going x

Can I join too! My mum died of dementia at the end of august not COVID. I'm 36 with a 8, 5 and 4 year old. My dad died when I was 16 so without my mum I just feel so alone. I'm married and am never actually ever alone but I suppose I'm just a bit lost and Lonely my mum hadn't known me fo 3 years so I feel silly for missing her so much. I only moved out of home when I had my first baby 8 years ago and she got ill around a year later I can't help thinking that it's my fault for leaving home ( I was 27)! Grief is so cruel xxx

Thank you @mrssunshinexxx for your kind words. I am the one who lives far from them, but I talk to my sister daily. Without her I couldn't find the strength to live.

I totally get you, @ivymummy, my DH is the best, but I still feel so alone and hopeless without my parents, and I sometimes resent him for being happy ( I know that it's not his fault and would never tell him that!)

I have always had anxiety, but being my mum a doctor she always put me at ease. I can't bear the thought of talking to a doctor, as in my mind it would be sort of a treason. It sounds ridiculous, I know.

Would this get any better?

I also feel guilty for my DC, they should have a happy mum, and not one that is constantly crying.