For Anyone Needing Support After Losing A Parent. Very Supportive Thread

[Mummylin]

Luckily I was keeping my eye on the thread so it would of been ok. Hopefully this new thread will once again bring comfort to newly bereaved.
To the newest posters, I wish you all the best in the coming weeks / months.
And to the longer term posters, thankyou for being such a support to each other. 💐

Thanks for tagging me in.
I'm here.
And so sorry to read more stories of loss. Yet they are all stories of love.
Love never dies.
@Mummylin thank you for starting this thread all those years ago. This has been a place of understanding for me.
I can't always be here, as sometimes it is too painful. Today I keep feeling stressed which then worries me as I always get pains in my chest when I am very stressed.
Self prescription of sleep, daily yoga, and mindful breathing!
Sending you all love.

I lost my Dad to cancer on 27th January, I had been grieving for him for months before he actually passed away. Cancer is such a long cruel painful way to die.
It's his funeral tomorrow, I don't know how I am going to get through it

@Shockedandspeechless and @terraclutter I'm also so sorry for your losses. It's an utterly shit club to be part of.

I'm getting the occasional 'how are you?' text from friends and I don't know what to say. After Dad died I found that if I answered honestly people would just get really uncomfortable, which makes me wonder why they bother asking in the first place. I do appreciate them thinking of me, but some of the things they say just make me want to scream. I don't know if I'm being irrational or not.

@GalaxyAddict I'm so sorry about your Dad. I posted earlier today about my mum's funeral last week, I felt exactly the same leading up to it but once the time came it was ok. Or at least as ok as it could be. It actually felt a bit surreal.

Thanks @Cherrycee, I have been prescribed beta blockers because I have been okay ish because I was grieving for so long before and I don't really think it has sunk in yet, but when I do get upset I literally can't breathe, it's like a panic attack. I could have had Valium, but I may drive and not allowed to drive on Valium, in case I have to run out in the middle of it, and come home

@Cherrycee @Shockedandspeechless @Crunchymum thanks so much.
Been down at my parents house today as we have to clear it all to sell.
It's just so sad. I just wish things could have been better for both of them.
I'm also going to try and be more minimalist going forward (ha we shall see as I'm a major hoarder and keep bringing more and more back from my Mums) x

@terraclutter 😔 I can only imagine how hard that is 😢

I'm so glad I found this. I posted today on another thread, saddest birthdays. I feel silly because its over two years ago now. It was just an old picture in my laptop today. I st July 2018. My graduation, cap and gown. it wasn't the picture but who wasn't in it. Mum died a few months before. Gran was Ill that day. I had one picture other than group and did one. Other people had family there, hugging, happy. I think this year there's been to much time to think. I'm sorry its a stupid rant I mean people on here have lost children. Does anyone else get triggered by little things? On the firestick rolling screen saver there's a tree on a limestone pavement. Pretty sure its Malham, mums favourite place. We used to picnic under that tree I'm sure. The lonely tree mum called it. Two days ago I was great and now its pants. Its like it never gets better and all time can do is help you get used to it not being better. I've taken enough of peoples time any way. Thanks x

Hi all. I lost my Mom almost 3 weeks ago. I wasn't especially close to her but we video called at least once a week for an hour or so.
It hurts more than I ever expected it to and I miss her more than I was expecting too.
I feel very strange.
I can't get over the fact that I'll never see her again.
I'm taking Dad (my step dad but love him as much as my Dad) to the church tomorrow to see the Priest and plan her service.
This is too fucking hard. She won't ever see my DC grow up.
She was 60.

I'm very sorry. Those first weeks are like walking around blind. Its hard to feel anything. Worse this year. I least I got to be by mums side. It was harder for my little sis I think. She was only thirteen. I had the distraction of her and Uni. With the way things are your mom would get the send of she deserved. Big love x

I had my Dads funeral today. The service was really nice, but I sobbed the whole way through, luckily wearing face masks is a good thing when crying!
I am so ANGRY at cancer and the painful long death my Dad had, no one deserves months of decline & pain like that, that's what I am finding so hard right now!

@GalaxyAddict also had my dads funeral this week. Also lost him to cancer. It is a truly evil disease. It takes so much from the person. I don't know what or how but I feel like going forward I want to do some sort of fundraising. I have to feel like I'm doing something to fight this bastard.

I hope you're doing ok. Our funeral went ok. I was extremely anxious before but during I felt quite numb, didn't really cry. It was strange.

@DazedandConfused27 my Dad was cared my Marie Curie on his last two nights at home. The nurse sat and held his hand so my Mum could try & sleep. My little dog is doing 100 miles in February, he wears a dog fit bit. He has raised over £1,000!

Hi. First time poster. My dad died last Friday. My heart hurts. Like you @cherrycee I'm in Ireland so I know what you mean about the funeral. It makes it so surreal. I can't believe I'll never get to chat to him again or even just see him smile.

@cherrycee thank you. The last 3 days have felt like an eternity. I don't know what to do with myself. Family & friends have been so good checking in, bringing food & leaving food on the doorstep. When they ask how I'm doing i don't know what to say cos I just don't know if that makes sense? Sorry. I waffle alot.

@Needshugs I'm so sorry about your Dad, the first couple of weeks are just so strange. A PP said it's like you're walking around blind and I think that describes it really well.

@Shockedandspeechless Same here. How do you even attempt to reply to "How are you?". If I answer honestly, people don't know how to react.

Something really strange happened yesterday. I went to the grave with my sister (Mum was buried this day last week). We stayed for a few minutes and left some flowers, and then instead of getting in the car we decided to walk to the other end of the graveyard, along the same row mum and dad are on.

Mum was addicted to Turkish Delights (the Frys ones with the pink wrapper) and her favourite drink was Heineken. She didn't drink that often but for Christmas, birthdays, etc, we always made sure we had some for her.

Anyway, we walked to the end of the row and the last grave had a can of Heineken on placed on it. The one beside it had some stones that had been painted in different colours, and the biggest one in the middle was painted with a Fry's Turkish Delight! It was done so well and in so much detail.

I'm not one for signs or superstitions but that seems too on the nose to be a coincidence!

That's really special @Cherrycee

Sorry I usually post a lot on here but I'm really struggling it's my mums birthday on Saturday and we are going to spread some ashes (doing the rest in a ceremony in a couple of weeks but I wanted a private moment ) it's nearly 10months on and I know every one says this but I can't really believe she's gone. I'm 28 I don't have a mum anymore my baby will never meet her grandma she deserved the world it's so unfair. I have never suffered before but since losing her I think I have been suffering with anxiety and it's horrible
@Cherrycee couldn't agree more it's easier to just say I'm ok or change the subject I worry if I said how I'm really feelimg someone would respond with something that would piss me off or they wouldn't know what to say at all. I feel I suppress so many feelings and emotions. I still cry daily usually multiple times even that in itself lack of sleep and tears daily for almost 10 months and looking after a baby it's exhausting emotionally

@cherrycee I agree with mrssunshinexxx

@Brillig I find myself worrying about my DH and thinking that he’s all I’ve got left now my mum has gone. I’m sure it’s normal, although it’s not very pleasant.
Same, I clutch him in the night like a baby monkey. Luckily he is a tiny bit of a hypochondriac so I never have to chivvy him to eat veg/exercise/see the Dr.

Like PPs I have pretty much no family on my Mum's side now - one sibling who stopped talking to everyone years ago. So all the family history, the stories, the inherited odds and sods, when I go I guess it will all be cleared out. Sigh. Gran was one of 5 sisters and this big family of women and now I'm nearly all that's left...

I miss Mum.

Awwww big hugs to everyone.

Grief is the gift that keeps on giving?

Would have been my mum and dad's 43rd wedding anniversary today. I've shed a few tears.

My dad didn't even realise the date until I told him....bloody old goat said "well I didn't have mummy here to remind me" (said in good jest and not sadness!). I couldn't be more proud of my lovely dad. He is dealing with being alone for the first time in his life, in lockdown. And he is doing remarkably

and yes I'm a 41yo who's dad still refer to her mum as Mummy. Mum referred to my dad as Daddy as well

I feel everything everyone’s saying.

I’m just so tired of it all. Grief is exhausting, isn’t it? Every morning I wake up and it feels as though a kind of grey blanket is over me and I’m just aware that mum isn’t here any more. It’s as though, despite the fact we lived far apart and I worried constantly about her the more frail she got, and had to make long journeys more and more often to help her and stay with her, the mere fact of her existing seemed to be a fundamental reassurance in my world.

Now she’s gone, it’s like some vast tectonic plates have shifted and nothing is right. I know that sounds absurdly dramatic but that’s how I feel. I don’t want to feel like that but I do.

@Brillig

I feel everything everyone’s saying.

I’m just so tired of it all. Grief is exhausting, isn’t it? Every morning I wake up and it feels as though a kind of grey blanket is over me and I’m just aware that mum isn’t here any more. It’s as though, despite the fact we lived far apart and I worried constantly about her the more frail she got, and had to make long journeys more and more often to help her and stay with her, the mere fact of her existing seemed to be a fundamental reassurance in my world.

Now she’s gone, it’s like some vast tectonic plates have shifted and nothing is right. I know that sounds absurdly dramatic but that’s how I feel. I don’t want to feel like that but I do.

Its the most horrible feeling in the world. I remember this slow cruel countdown. Then she just stopped. I had Nan and little sis. It didn't hit me until my graduation. xx

My dad died over 16 years ago and I ve lost many other relatives since so grief's an old companion but I had my son in November (we gave him my dad's name as his middle name) sometimes I look at him and although I ve had so long to accept he wouldn't meet his grandad it still makes me a bit sad at times.

He's only 3 months old so got time yet but I still don't know how I m going to tell him that his mummy's dad died when she was only 9, I ve been tested and given the all clear for his condition but I don't want him to ever worry about something happening to me.

@1990shopefulftm

My dad died over 16 years ago and I ve lost many other relatives since so grief's an old companion but I had my son in November (we gave him my dad's name as his middle name) sometimes I look at him and although I ve had so long to accept he wouldn't meet his grandad it still makes me a bit sad at times.

He's only 3 months old so got time yet but I still don't know how I m going to tell him that his mummy's dad died when she was only 9, I ve been tested and given the all clear for his condition but I don't want him to ever worry about something happening to me.

That's really beautiful. Your dad carries on in him xx