For Anyone Needing Support After Losing A Parent. Very Supportive Thread

[Mummylin]

Luckily I was keeping my eye on the thread so it would of been ok. Hopefully this new thread will once again bring comfort to newly bereaved.
To the newest posters, I wish you all the best in the coming weeks / months.
And to the longer term posters, thankyou for being such a support to each other. 💐

I lost my mum just over a year ago while i was pregnant. I feel devastated still.

@cushioncovers I have so much sympathy for you. It’s very tough anyway but particularly hard at the moment. I’m 2.5 weeks on from my DF’s death after a long illness and I am trying to see it as a release for him. I think the good memories and the friendship you had with your DM feel so painful now but they will ultimately be a comfort. Take care of yourself.

@nw80 what a very difficult thing it must be to lose your mum when you’re pregnant and to be dealing with new motherhood and grief during this last year. I really hope that slowly but surely you are able to feel a bit better.

for both of you

Youokhun Thank you for your kind words. I hope you're are coping ok as well.

All my very best to you @cushioncovers This must feel like such strange and difficult territory to navigate. I remember these first few days as so difficult and almost dream-like. Do you have support in RL?

@nw80 I'm sorry you're hurting. Have you had any kind of counselling? Do you think that might help? I was wondering about it myself and I'm not sure, perhaps others on here could offer their thoughts as to how useful they'd found it. I'd be interested to know.

Thank you. Yes I have support in RL. It doesn't feel real. I can't believe that I will never see her again or hear her voice for as long as I live. 😞💔

@nw80 the exact same happened to me I am coming up to the 1st anniversary. It's changed me forever it's brutal x

Can I please join? Although I really wish I didn’t have to. My beautiful mum has passed away this morning after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January. My whole world has fallen apart. She is my best friend, the most perfect mum to me and nana to my 5 year old son. I know it’s very early days but I feel like I’ll never be happy again. I shared my whole life with her and no one is as interested or cares about you like your mum. I don’t really know why I’m typing all this, just feel in shock and terrified of living the rest of my life without her. She was only 66 and I’m 33 but I feel about 10 years old right now. I never imagined she’d leave me this soon.

I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry and know exactly how you feel. Felt so child like myself when it happened like how can I not have a mum ? @Hellomydarling33 huge hugs

Sorry to all those who have had to join us. Sending you all strength and fortitude.

@Hellomydarling33, I lost my mum 6 months ago. She was a few months short of her 65th Birthday. It gets easier in some ways (the grief) but I still feel like a little lost soul a lot of the time.

I expected to have my lovely mum for so much longer. Sending you lots of love.

• She was a few months short of her 66th (she was 65 when she died)

Hello. You have my heartfelt condolences. I know what you mean about feeling like a lost child. I'm 50 my mum was 70 and I still feel like ive been left an orphan. I know it sounds obvious to some but I've never had to be alive without my mum being close by.

I have sprayed some of her perfume on a muslin cloth I have so that I can smell it whenever I want to. It's been 5 days since she passed and I can't even look at photos as it's too painful.
Why the fuck has Mother Nature designed us to feel such painful emotions when a loved one passes. 🤷🏻‍♀️😩

Big hugs to everyone

Thank you all for your replies and I'm so sorry for your losses and the fact you are on this thread too. It is true that you cannot fathom how this feels until you go through it and my heart goes out to you all.
I've always had anxiety issues but mum was always there to hold my hand and help me through. I feel completely adrift now. It feels wrong to even think about carrying on without her but equally the thought of leaving my son and him feeling this pain is unbearable. I feel trapped and lost at the same time.
I know the majority of people will have to endure the loss of a parent but it just seems so premature and like we've been robbed. Particularly because my mums mum is still with us at 93. It's just bizarre to me that up until a few months ago, mum was absolutely fine but in a matter of weeks she deteriorated and now she's gone.

I hear exactly what you're saying. My mum was my rock she was there during post partum depression, divorce and severe anxiety and depression again. She never wavered in her support.

Since her passing I've also thought about 'not carrying on' but I know deep down that's so unfair to put my children through what I'm going through. Also my mum had a strong faith and would be furious with me if I did that. I would certainly get a very frosty reception from her on the 'other side' if I ended things. 😏

My mums mum is also still alive at 90 years old.

I'm glad I found this thread.

Hello Hello
I shared my whole life with her and no one is as interested or cares about you like your mum
I get this. I lost my Mum at the end of 2019 and she'd been ill off and on for a few years. It's so hard as they get more and more unwell and there is less and less you can do about it, you're reduced to finding a spoon of something tasty that they'll eat or digging out an amusing anecdote to make them smile, until you're sat at the bedside holding their hand through their last moments.

One of the things I could do, you see, was to have a good life and share it with her - look Mum you don't ever have to worry about me - you did a good job - I have a safe happy life and I'm doing you proud etc.

It feels empty that now I'm living my life just for me - I know that sounds really peculiar! but I think you guys here will understand.

And I want still to ask her stuff - how do you decide what to keep and what not, of the furniture and personal effects you inherit? It never occurred to me to ask when she was alive, which is daft really as she was very good and had PoA, wills , Advance Directive etc etc all sorted and wasn't afraid to discuss these things, and she'd lost (and inherited from) her grandmother, mother, and aunt, while I was a kid. I didn't have kids so all the stuff that has meaning for me (e.g. stuff hand-made by long dead relations, books of hers I grew up with) is not, I know, special to anyone else. So it's entirely my choice as to what to keep, nobody else minds either way.

I do actually have videos and recordings of her but cannot bring myself to watch them. It was bad enough that I was going through some old papers I had from my uni days 30+ years ago and found a letter from her. Read it once and then put it away again. I think I'm afraid that I'll end up remembering watching videos/reading letters rather than remembering her IYSWIM.

She died a few months before the virus hit so I think part of my primaeval animal brain thinks I just haven't seen her because of lockdown, and we can meet up now! Yes, we should start planning a meal out / visit to flower show / concert / afternoon buggering about a stately home! This bit of the brain still goes on at me in this vein, still, now, completely ignoring the fact that I was with her when she died, organized her burial and wake, executed her will, planted up her grave twice, and have just been sent a photo of her nearly-finished gravestone. It's oblivious. I swear I could have had her stuffed and put in the corner and it wouldn't be any different!

Fluffy, ‘Mum* is the first entry on my phone contact list and I can’t bring myself to delete it. I think it will always be there. Part of me sometimes thinks I might be able to call it and she will answer the phone like she always did and everything will be OK.

Hello to everyone, just checking in.

Hoping everyone is doing alright?

It's been a strange week for me. We're close to the 7 month anniversary of losing mum and this week my brothers wife had a baby boy. The only grandchild (of 13) that she never got to meet.

The lovely news bought an odd sadness for us all. I'm so utterly overjoyed that my brother is a father but I'm so sad he doesn't have his mum here. I feel guilty that I had 10 years more with her (I'm a decade older) and that she met all her other grandchildren. I feel that mum's absence this week has been so profound and obvious.

Don't feel guilty @Crunchymum it isn't your fault. It's so unfair though of course that he doesn't have your mum as a grandma . It's the 1 year anniversary a week tomorrow I just don't know what I think or feel anymore
Life just makes no sense I wonder if she's watching me all the time then I think how can she be

Oh gosh @mrssunshinexxx

You must be feeling horrid. I know that 1 year anniversary is going to be very difficult. I know I'll be a wreck.

Do you have anything planned? Anything to commemorate your mum, in a positive way. I'm sure that's what she would have wanted? Maybe take a day trip somewhere beautiful? I know I'll make all these grand plans and in reality I'll sit at home and cry.

I think a huge part of my sadness this week is that it's another thing Mum is missing? And a whole new chapter of our lives that she'll never know.

That makes total sense. Even the tiny little day to day things you just want to tell them ? @Crunchymum yeah I think sitting home and crying will be on the agenda I don't want to make a fuss. I've only been to her grave once when we spread the ashes and don't want to go back then I feel guilty but I hated it it made it far too real

@Crunchymum that is so true. Beautifully put.
I've been away a while working on dealing with all this. Trying to.
Sorry to read new people to the post...I feel for you whole heartedly.

I haven't been on here for a few weeks but I hope everyone is doing as well as they can. To the new posters, I'm sorry for your losses.

It's my dad's first anniversary tomorrow. I don't know how I feel. I thought I was doing ok but I'm not sleeping well at all and feel really distracted.

I'll go to the grave but I don't know if it helps me really. Mum is there now too and that's still quite recent, so it's a lot.

I’m sorry for everyone’s losses. It’s been a few months since mum died of covid and the panic and raw grief that plagued me most of the day has subsided. I still feel tearful and miss her terribly but it’s not a constant ache and I’m sleeping again. This makes me feel guilty. I also don’t miss her constantly nagging me (she had anxiety and control issues) and have felt a certain level of freedom from that side of her, which also makes me feel very guilty and not something I can voice in real life. I’m busy with the family and work which probably helps but she was a huge part of my daily life. It’s so true that no one else is as interested in you as your parent. You feel alone on some level, no more mothering.

@Onandoff it's normal to feel guilty as different stages come and go but try not to beat yourself up. Agree, I always think it's so sad to say I don't have a mum anymore

Well this day last year was the last time I ever say my lovely mum alive, didn't even hug her. Bastard covid