My son is dying

[blindspots]

This is fucking cancer. He is 2. We are only 3 months from diagnosis and we are out of active treatment options.

I hate cancer, I hate the pandemic disrupting our world and keeping us from people we love.

He has been so tough she and strong and there is nothing more they can do, the cancer just keeps coming back.

I would give everything to keep him

I still have no idea how to go on. I know I will and it will just happen but what on earth do I do now.

And if I think it's bad now what will I do when my children go back to school and I'm in the house alone?

How do I cope with it just the quietness but the stillness of a house without a busy 2 year old? That will be very noticeable

If you happen to be following Ashley Cain and his daughter I suspect she has a similar leukaemia to my sons. It's definitely an AML which he had, I'm just not sure of the subtype.

Our hospitals protocol was not to go to transplant/ conditioning chemo with leukaemia present though. In the end it didn't matter

I hope you are okay.

The worse thing that could happen has happened. Everything from now on is part of the grieving process I imagine.

I get what you mean about being able to "feel" your son more now you are home.

Your little boy sounds like he was beautiful and funny.

My heart really goes out to you.

Surround your self with as much support as you want/need. Be very gentle with yourself.

My heart breaks for you @blindspots, I'm glad you're finding some comfort in his presence in the house, please just try to take it day by day. 💐

I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm really just struggling and angry at the world at the moment.

Today is Rare Diseases day and I'm even pissed off at the cancer research charity pages plugging all the stories of the ones who survived. I know it's to promote the importance of donations to continue research but what about the children/ adults who don't make it? They tried just as hard to live!

I feel that my son will be forgotten because he didn't survive his rare cancer.

I know it's shitty thing to get annoyed about but it just shits me.

And the house is a mess as we are still
Unpacking and my daughters opened all
The boxes and got shit out everywhere and I just can't deal so I've called it and gone back to bed.

I don't actually have the energy to tidy up even though I hate it

Had a more productive day today.

Couldn't face the bus stop and coming home on my own instead of him toddling along next to me though.

Prepared the first meals (part of at least) for my family since about October when it all
Started

The "little things" (like the bus walk) must be so very hard to bear , and very unexpected.

I have not been in your position so I don't know what you are going through.

Do you want/feel able to talk about him ? He sounds wonderful.

I hope you can have a restful night .

Me too. Take care of yourself 🌷

Sending love xx

So unbearably unfair what you’ve had to endure. I’m so pleased you have a good circle of friends to support you and your family. Sending you so much love.

I’m so sorry for your loss . Sending love xxx

I'm so deeply sorry op

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. That’s utterly shocking. Sending strength x

I'm so sorry for your loss, this is heartbreaking

All these tiny things like walking home without him must be so hard. I hope these eventually become ways of remembering him and smiling at his memory.
Sending love to you all

"I am a mother. The best that I can be. And although you cannot see my son just know he's here with me.
He is with me when I walk and is with me when I cry.
He is with me when I smile and look up into the sky.
He is with me in the garden. He is with me in the car. I can always feel him..he is never very far.
He is with me whilst I work, and whilst I'm at his special place. Everywhere I am I can see his little face.
He is with me when I am with friends, and he is with me when I am with my family, and I know that they all love and miss him the same as me, so badly.
He is with me on my good days, and when I feel alone, I wish he wasn't an angel and I could bring him home.. but he is with me when I am in silence .. he is with me all the time .. and although he may not be here, he will ALWAYS be mine💙💙"

Op, I am terribly sorry for your loss. 🕯 💙

Hi, I just came across your post. I lost my son to cancer too 💔

My heart broke when they moved you in to the bigger room.. through my own experience, this is never a good sign ( you realise all this shit afterward )

I hated the palliative care team too ( I was such a bitch to them early on ) They truly are angles though.

I just wanted to let you know of a book I've been recently reading and found helpful. It's called 'the sixth stage of grief. David someone... I'll come back with his name. I listen to this on Audible as I wouldn't have the concentration for a book.

I'm almost two years in to this nightmare. I understand the absolute shock of it all.
Why him ?
Why me ?
How the fuck did this happen?
For me, I hate God.... it there is one... doubt it now after losing my beautiful baby to childhood cancer.

It gets a bit easier 💔💙💙

Sending loving thoughts to you blindspots and donann 🌹

Hope you have been able to rest a seat a little today

Rest and eat . Sorry

First time posting on this thread, OP I am so, so sorry. Why is life so fucking unfair? I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but you’re very much in my thoughts, as is your beautiful son. I’m sure he knew how very loved he is.

Please do keep posting if you find it helpful - we are here to listen.

Op and Donann heart breaking to read and I’m just sad this shit goes on