My son is dying

[blindspots]

This is fucking cancer. He is 2. We are only 3 months from diagnosis and we are out of active treatment options.

I hate cancer, I hate the pandemic disrupting our world and keeping us from people we love.

He has been so tough she and strong and there is nothing more they can do, the cancer just keeps coming back.

I would give everything to keep him

Shock is protective, I think, OP. It sounds like it all happened so fast. Have you plenty support around you?

I am so sorry OP.

I am so so sorry. I can't imagine the pain. Life is SO unfair.

It must be mind blowing how fast it has all happened. Keep your candle burning bright for your beautiful boy. We're here if you want to talk about him.

Thinking of you

Everything you are feeling and will feel is the normal process of grief,don't think about time frames for emotions just get through each day and gradually you'll process everything in your own time and way,just remember to be kind to yourself..if you need a sleep in the day or a longer bath etc have one and just take time out to process your thoughts in your mind when you feel overwhelmed,its all a big shock to your system but time will help x

Today I am leaving the house where we have been having the wake (which has continued for 10 days now) for the first fine to visit other friends for lunch.

It's actually a little overwhelming, but I think I need to.

I used to dislike the gig economy (and still do, I'd rather everyone had job security) but thank goodness for all the Uber eats drivers who have gotten my family and I through this! As well as our friends who have been bringing food to us. We have been so looked after.

I also turned to Amazon for birthday presents fit my child; I'm really not ready to face the shops yet.

Have had a few chats to the palliative care team social worker too which has helped

Watched an old video of him on my phone last night for the first time. Blew me away to be honest.

He was such a lovely little boy, so so loved. I'm still not entirely sure how I've found myself in this position??

Logically I know what happened but the rest of me finds it quite inconceivable still

Oh op I'm so very sad to read this. I read your original post when you first put it up but just didn't know what to write. There are no words to express how utterly unfair it is that your little man has been taken from you. It's a truly vile disease. You sound an amazing family and have some wonderful friends who have been looking after you and will continue to do so. I hope you can find some support groups as well. There will be other mummies out there who will know exactly what you are going through. Please check in as much as you need to.. There will always be someone here for you. Sleep tight little man xx

I'm so sorry OP. I'm so sorry you lost your precious little boy. I hate cancer.

I am so sorry. I have nothing else to add but couldn't pass without posting.

No words, just thinking of you.

It's my middle child's birthday tomorrow. She is turning 4.

The friends we saw yesterday had organised a cake and party hats and balloons and presents and she was so happy.

I choked up when we sang Happy Birthday to her though, still full of grief for my little boy, that it is the first birthday without her little brother.

I miss him so much

When I lost a family member I found it really hard to see life going on all around me when mine had stood still. It will get better, but getting through all the 'firsts' is tough.

I'm glad you have friends around you who are stepping in to help you through your middle child's birthday.

How lovely that you have videos of your beautiful boy to watch.

Thinking of you and sending you a hand to hold

That must have been tough for you all. Your friends sound lovely which will help in the weeks ahead. Take care.. another virtual hand hold

Have been following your thread and also want to say how sorry I am. It feels so cruel as life carries on without them doesn't it. Lots of love.

Happy birthday to your DD today x

I know how ironic that is to say. Wishing you all the strength and love possible . You probably feel you're just going through the motions but I think you're doing brilliantly, don't know if I could do it .

Happy birthday little girl I hope you have the happiest day you possibly can.

Love to you blindspots, wishing you strength to endure.

thinking of you. Hope you don't mind but I was in work (a church) today and was thinking of you so lit a candle. Supporting families is part of my role, still hard to hear

Thank you all. I still have a candle lit every day,

I think she had a good day, thank goodness for our friends (who have been far more supportive than our families TBH).

We talk to him every day, it still seems like we blinked and he just disappeared.

I think the speed at which it happened - effectively 5 days from being told there were no further treatment options (but that he had a couple of weeks blah blah etc) to he was dead in our arms means that it will take a long long time to process it.

We still haven't been home either. Two more weeks and we will be in our house with all of his things as we packed up and left it 4 months ago to go on a work trip before cancer was even a thought. That will hit hard and the memories will come flooding back I'm sure.

I'll probably wish for the numbness then

Oh OP. We all put our arms around you and our shoulders are all here.

I physically miss him today. I miss his little body. I miss not being able to give him a cuddle

I’m so sorry blindspots, this is heartbreaking. He sounds such a beautiful little boy.

So sorry

I am so, so sorry. I'm thinking of your family.