My son is dying

[blindspots]

This is fucking cancer. He is 2. We are only 3 months from diagnosis and we are out of active treatment options.

I hate cancer, I hate the pandemic disrupting our world and keeping us from people we love.

He has been so tough she and strong and there is nothing more they can do, the cancer just keeps coming back.

I would give everything to keep him

I am sobbing for you. I already love your boy and I never even met him.

No words just hugs xxx

My heart aches for you. There will always be someone here to listen

I’ve read this from the start and I just want to say I’ll continue to listen. You sound like www.facebook.com/BBCRadio4/videos/rob-delaneys-moment-of-light/388850699008380/ loveliest parent. He was loved. That is very, very clear.
This is worth storing for later..
www.facebook.com/BBCRadio4/videos/rob-delaneys-moment-of-light/388850699008380/

How are things OP?

I've been following this thread and am lost for words for you.

Lighting a candle for your beautiful boy 💙

It's just shit. I had a beauty therapist appointment today to get my eyebrows done (was originally booked two days after my son died so I rescheduled somewhere new).

Having the beauty therapist making small talk and asking me about my family/ children was painful. I don't really mind, and it's definitely not a personal critique of her - people aren't to know, but answering politely while trying to shut down the line of polite chat at the same time was tough.

I know I don't have to tell anyone and everyone and it's my choice who to expend that energy/ my story on but it's such an awkward question to answer now.

That's hard. Could you try something along the lines of 'not great actually, would you mind if we talk about something else?'

blindspots I can do relate to your last post. In the early days I felt I had to include DD in my headcount of DCs. I felt riddled with guilt if I didn’t, but invariably the conversation didn’t end well. Either the perfect stranger became uncomfortable, or upset, or I became upset and shared too much.
Now I answer for my living children out loud but always in my heart I correct the number and hope she would understand.
A little part of me likes the resemblance of the uncomplicated person I used to be.
We cope the way we have to. You will find what works best to get you through the day.

We are travelling again tomorrow, but not quite home yet (that's next week). We are staying in a hotel for the night before flying on Monday.

DH has booked us the same hotel and the type of room we stayed in as a family of 5 at the beginning of this nightmare - when we first arrived in Perth at the start of our October work trip.

It's only going to be a little triggering I'm sure... Seeing the room set up for us without his portacot there.

I know everyone's grief is different. Sometimes I feel like he just doesn't think though - the same hotel I could probably do but the same room?!

It's like when he drove past the hospital the night after he died. Just didn't think. I try to avoid the things I know will be grief triggering (to be fair there's a lot of them) whereas he just doesn't see them coming then gets upset. And I can't tell him in advance or he'll get upset and feel criticised

Thinking of you all @blindspots ❤️

It wasn't the exact room but it was the exact same layout. I fell apart

Thinking of you and your family

x

I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending love and strength to you

I'm so, so sorry for your terrible loss OP

Thinking of you and your family OP. How are you doing today?

I'm so, so sorry what you are going through after the lost of your beautiful little boy.
Every emotion you are feeling is a completely normal reaction to your grief.

You said in your post "he was so, so loved" its so obvious by your posts here that he really was. In the short time he was here he was blessed with amazing loving parents.

Without wanting to sound trite, sending you and your family all the love and strength in the world

We are home now. First time since we left in October on a 2 week trip

Thinking of you blindspots

So sorry xxx

I can't read this and not reply. I am so sorry this is happening to you, and your son, and your family. Life is not fair, but I do hope you get to enjoy every last minute and moment you have together, however long that may be.

You will be in my thoughts xx

I am so sorry OP

@blindspots words fail me, I'm so sorry for your loss❤️❤️❤️

What a sad read 😞
Sending peace and love your way

It is strangely comforting to be back home, see his toys and clothes and bedroom and his presence everywhere.

It was hard arriving though, I finally had the gut wrenching sobbing that you physically can't control even if you wanted too.

Entering the house was strange too but at least I can feel him here. After he died it was hard to feel him, it felt almost like it had all been a dream. Here it feels more real, which is both good and bad.

It was 4 weeks yesterday since he died.