My son is dying

[blindspots]

This is fucking cancer. He is 2. We are only 3 months from diagnosis and we are out of active treatment options.

I hate cancer, I hate the pandemic disrupting our world and keeping us from people we love.

He has been so tough she and strong and there is nothing more they can do, the cancer just keeps coming back.

I would give everything to keep him

Fuck you cancer. I can't believe you took my baby from me.

I still can't quite believe he is gone

Oh @blindspots my heart aches for you and your family and your sweet, sweet boy. I have read the whole thread and I am beyond devastated for you. Wishing you strength to get through the days/weeks/months/years ahead without him. I'm so, so sorry for your horrendous loss.

I am so so sorry. Words are so inadequate. But you are in my thoughts.

Life is so cruel at times.

I am so, so sorry.

I am so, so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and your family ❤

Fuck cancer. So sorry OP, theres just no words.

I thought about your son with a heavy heart while reading Dear Zoo with my son today OP. I will now always think of him and you when we read it. Sending you strength to get through this difficult time x

I am so sorry you have such a wait for the funeral, I hope there are people irl to support your lovley family

So incredibly sorry you lost your beautiful boy.

Sending love and tears. He never lost his darling mummy I’m so so sorry you lost your baby.

Your little boy will always be with you. He knew only love. I'm so very sorry for your loss

Love, like starlight, never dies

@blindspots I am so so sorry for your loss. Cancer is so fucking cruel and the pandemic is even crueler on top. I am so so sorry you are without your baby, this shouldn’t happen xx

I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you and your family. It is shit and unfair and nobody should have to go through this. Hugs to you and your whole family.

It still doesn't feel real. I know it's my brain protecting me from the shock and trauma of the past 3 months and especially the past week but it just doesn't seem real.

Instead I find myself in a fog feeling like it's all a dream. And that scares me as I know the real pain is still there waiting for me.

We chose photos and songs today and met with the funeral director. We cried a lot but it was good to look at the photos sad remember there was a life before cancer. He had a great life.

I bet he did. He had a great family, it shines out of your posts. This world is so cruel.

We chose some favourite pieces to put into his casket and some for a table display. How weird to do all of these things.

It almost feels like I never even had a little boy at times I feel so detached from my body.

Nobody knows what to do or say. What the fuck in life prepares you for something like this?

It’s because it shouldn’t ever happen OP. Tragically it does but what are parents supposed to do, how are they supposed to carry on?

My heart breaks for you OP. You will be in my thoughts for the rest of the night I can assure you. ❤️💙

I know some people throw themselves in to some kind of charity/fundraising after they lose a child. I assume it’s as much for their own sanity and to give them a focus/distraction from their reality. Obviously not now or anytime soon but when the time comes that you feel able, perhaps that’s an avenue to explore.

It’s so so tragic that it’s the worst thing that could ever happen to a human. I hope you’ve got some good people around you at the moment because you’re going to need it OP. I would even consider getting medication from the doctor as an option if you feel it could help.

You take care OP and I hope you find a route out of this rocky dark path that you sadly find yourself on. I hope you find a way to get through this and are able to function at the very least, in a new reality for xxxx

I can remember that feeling. I was numb for a long time.
Take care

❤️

@blindspots at this stage it is so very surreal, and a lot of us just felt numb as well. I think its because we are still doing things for our child.

I found it hit most when my children's funerals had been arranged and done, and then there were no more jobs to do for my kids anymore. From the bereaved parents I have spoken to its pretty common to feel that way.

There is absolutely no right or wrong here, just do what you have to do to get through each minute, until you can start looking towards the next hour.

Please don't put pressure on yourself to fundraise etc, I had this suggested to me multiple times, and its a lot of pressure to put on someone who barely copes sometimes, us bereaved parents aren't due anyone anything, but people do seem to think we should all be out starting charities, and that the bereaved parents doing this are more 'worthy', they aren't, we all do what we can do to merely survive this hugely traumatic shitstorm.

Nothing anyone can say or do will prepare you for any of this, but I promise you will find your own way through this first, all consuming fog of grief, you will get to the point where you will look back on your precious wee mans life and smile sometimes, even if its through the tears.

MN is here for you

Oh @blindspots, I'm so sorry. I don't think anything in life can prepare you for the loss of your own child. It sounds like he was so well loved and cared for. I'm sure he was a very happy little boy that loved you just as much.

The numb feeling is normal, try not to pressure yourself to feel any particular way. It's positive that you're talking about it and there is plenty of support on here.

Have you thought about doing any bereavement counselling?

I am so very sorry. Your kids sound amazing. X

Oh gosh I'm so sorry. Your previous boy
Sending lots of love to you all.

Oh love, nothing can prepare you, nothing.

How are you today?