Handhold for sobsanta

[ArabellaScott]

The other thread was full, so this is for sobsanta - somewhere in case you want to post or people want to post support.

We are all thinking of you today, and sending love and .

I've followed but not posted @sobsanta as I haven't had the words.

I found comfort in this little verse when my mum died suddenly. I hope it doesn't offend as obviously losing a mother is the natural order of things and losing a child is not. But this verse means a lot to me.

I have nothing but admiration for you. You are showing such grace, poise, dignity and courage whilst suffering the cruelest of losses. It says a lot about you as a human and as a mother. Your children are lucky to have you. X

Sending you all of my love @sobsanta
You sound so brave. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through everyday. I hope that one day you get the answers you need as to why your gorgeous little girl was taken so soon. I'm a massive believer in spirituality, your beautiful little girl will be with you everyday holding your hand.

Checking in. Not doing so well so trying to keep distracted. Have first counselling session on Thursday face to face.

I'm sorry things are hard today. Do you want to talk about it?
Could you all go out, just for a little walk?
I'm thinking of you every day

Been thinking about you and your family for weeks. My heartbreaks for you all.
I can't begin to imagine what you're all going through.

Sending love from Swansea

Sobsanta I hope the counselling helps. You have a tough path ahead and while tragically nothing can change the past, I hope and pray you have support alongside you every step of the way. So many of us are holding your family - all of you - in our thoughts too.

I'm sorry to hear that, sobsanta. I'm glad you're getting counselling - but I understand that itself might stir things up.

It's wintry and dark here, today, hope you have some brighter weather very soon. [cuppa]

@sobsanta I hope your first counselling session goes as well as it can and you find it helpful in some way. Thinking of you all ❤️

Hope it goes well today, sobsanta. Remember there's no rush and you can take your time with it.

Still thinking of you and your family every day @sobsanta

Checking in. Counselling went as well as can be expected (I cried - a lot) and lockdown has started to really worry me despite the fact we're less than 24 hours in. Anxiety is at an all time high so I'll be checking in with the GP tomorrow.

Hope everyone is well. I can't wait for a dry day to go to the cemetery.

Yes, it's a difficult time for anxiety. Hope the GP is supportive and able to help.

Weather here (Scotland) is to be mixed but not bad for beginning of the week - hope you get a dry day.

The brainpickings newsletter this week is on loss, I was just reading it and thought of you. Will find a link if you like.

Hmm ... not sure I quite know how to share it! But there is a link here to subscribe, if it's if interest: www.brainpickings.org/newsletter/

Thinking of you and all of your family sob there will always be a handhold for you at any time from someone here.

www.brainpickings.org/2020/12/16/megan-devine-okay-not-okay-grief/

Maybe this will work.

Bit of a weird suggestion, but you can supplement with magnesium for your anxiety. It reduces physical anxiety symptoms e.g. a racing heart and can help you relax and sleep better. Only take a third to half a teaspoon at first though because more can have a laxative effect!

Epsom salt baths are good for magnesium. Vitamin B also worth checking after stress.

What are you supposed to do at a grave? I'm genuinely asking because I have no idea. We went, we laid down flowers, we cried and we stood cuddling each other for around ten minutes and we left. It was too hard. Does it get easier? Am I doing it wrong? I see people with flasks of coffee stood together talking and I wonder if their loss was so long ago it's helpful to stand there. I want it to be helpful.

Dear Sobsanta, mum of Wyatt and your two older girls ... there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ Wyatt was a happy, lovely child who knew nothing but love. That’s what matters. I have no experience of losing a child, but I think for now just let yourself feel whatever emotions emerge... grief, love, anger, confusion. Whatever you feel is valid.
One of my children was very unwell at birth and for a while, survival was uncertain. One thing I read which helped a lot, when I was feeling despair, was a book by Susan Hill, the author. She had a daughter who died at a few weeks old, and in the book she quotes something a friend wrote to her: ‘You will think about your child every single day for the rest of your life. Take comfort from that.’

Sending love

Oh, sobsanta. I'm so sorry. Nothing you are feeling is wrong, nothing you are doing is wrong.

I'm sorry, I can't offer any advice, but a listening ear/shoulder is here, if you need it.

Wishing you and your family a peaceful Christmas. Will be thinking of you all.

I'm so sorry, I've be following but not posted. You may find being by her grave means you feel close to her, or a safe space to talk about her, but you may also find you feel closest to her somewhere else, a park, a room. My aunt is buried in one place, my Mother used to go to a completely different grave yard as that's where she feels closest to her.

You might feel tending to her grave makes you feel like your looking after her the best you can, you may not. It'll vary, you all have to do you.

Similar to the other replies I really feel there is no "right" way for you to navigate this. It may be that her grave isn't the place you feel closest to her or there's another place that brings you most comfort. And that might change depending on how you feel which is also OK. I think the most important this is that you are gentle with yourself ❤️ really thinking about you all and I hope tomorrow is bearable. Sending lots of love to you and your girls

Sobsanta, I am sending you and your family as much strength as I can.

I haven’t been on the board for a while and am heartbroken to have found this thread.

There really are no words.

Sleep tight little Angel and may God bless your beautiful family

I think I would have found it equally difficult, but perhaps someday in the future when you have more time to yourself, you might like to sit for a while and feel close to her. If it doesn't seem positive to visit her yet, then don't feel compelled to. You are allowed to do what you feel is right in your own time. After all, she is right there with you in your heart, the last thing you see before you fall asleep and the first thing you remember when you wake.

I find myself thinking of you all and little Wyatt so often. She may have been small but her legacy is the immeasurable amount of love that she left within you and all of us. Stay strong tomorrow, Sobsanta, and may there be glimmers of light through what will doubtless be the hardest day of all.