My dp mother died about half an hour ago and I just don;t know what to do to help.

[twinsetandpearls]

My tough northern man has become a blubbering wreck and I feel so helpless.

He was so close to his mother, at times it drove me mad, I want to help but I don't think there is anything I can do to help.

Just hold him or make him tea and bring him tissues. Listen and love him. Is all you can do, which is why grief is such a tough and lonely journey.

Sorry for you both x

oh I don;t think you can do anything.

tea/ stiff drink?

sorry for you both. just be there

thankyou, he is just such a reserved man, I have never seen him cry in our time together. I cannot begin to imagine the pain he is in,

Listen and love are wise words. May I ask how she died? Has she been ill for a while or was it sudden?

Say little. Love and hug lots, and as others have said, just BE there for him.

So sorry for you both

TS and p, my MIL died 10 months ago, its hard at first but you basically just have to be there and do practical stuff and hold him and tell him that she was a wonderful woman.

She has been ill for a long time, she was admitted into hospital with breathing problems on Saturday which was a lung infection. It was not a great shock although I did not think it would happen this quick.

his dad was killed in a fire about six years ago, his mum has a new partner but he is also in quite a bad way , we were carers for them both.

He does have a brother but dp was the closest to his mum so I would imagine he will do the funeral arangements.

He was at the hopital when it happened, is still there now, I am at home as I thought she was too ill to have too many people around her.

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

Am at my home, his mum and her dp lived about an hour away. I am at work all week, I don't think I will get permission to have time off as dp and I were not married so she was not a direct relative. I also think dp may need some space to grieve as he is a very private man.

I suppose anythin g that would take the pressure off him - like offer to call work for him tomorrow if he wants to have the day off, field calls, offer to call round his mum's friends.

Very hard situation.

Sorry.

There is nothing really that you can do Just be there with cuddles and let him cry, it helps such a lot to feel like you can just cry and let it out, also if he wants to talk - talk to him, so many people try to avoid the subject for fear of upsetting you but it can help to talk. Also somebody had some good advice on trying to help his Dad if he is still around - household chores are the last thing on your mind at a time like this and having somebody to do them really does help Sorry for his loss - I know how he is feeling

I will phone work for him certainly, I am worried that he will try to go to work, like me he hated having time off but he is in no state to be in work.

He must take time off work

I might make some meals that I can take over to his mum's dp house as well as have some things for dp as I know he will not think to look after himself.

Twinset, no real advice I'm afraid, like the others have said I guess there's not much you can actually do except be there and love him.

Thinking of you, sorry for your loss x

So sorry TSAP

Just to echo what everyone else has said. Just be there for him. You'll know when he needs you.

Thanks waswondering - I have no idea what to do about funerals although I suppose dp has been here before with his dad.

His mum was not religious and neither is dp although I am very religious.

Dp is still at the hospital which is about an hour away, I have offered to come down but he said to wait at home as it will take me so long to get there. I also know that hios family are there and I don;t want to intrude.

waswondering - I wouldn't bank on 5 days compassionate leave, my firm gave me 3 days when Craig died and were then on the phone asking me to come back - I am still not ready - Having said that most companies will allow compassionate leave even if you are not married