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Bereavement

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Original poster

My dp mother died about half an hour ago and I just don;t know what to do to help.

78 replies

twinsetandpearls · 16/09/2007 21:19

My tough northern man has become a blubbering wreck and I feel so helpless.

He was so close to his mother, at times it drove me mad, I want to help but I don't think there is anything I can do to help.

OP posts:
Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/09/2007 21:33

I am a teacher, I don;t know what the law is to be honest. I will ask what dp wants me to do.

OP posts:
Waswondering · 16/09/2007 21:33

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/09/2007 21:34

I will need a day off for the funeral but other than that I am not hopeful.

OP posts:
Mummy2TandF · 16/09/2007 21:35

Not yet - but am going to the doctors on Wednesday to ask for something to help me sleep - haven't slept properly since it happened, I will ask to be signed off then - sorry for the slight hijack

Waswondering · 16/09/2007 21:36

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/09/2007 21:37

Please don;t worry Mummy2TandF
That sounds awful, I hope you at least get the sleep sorted.

OP posts:
Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/09/2007 21:38

waswondering, I will go to church very quietly on my own tomorrow, I ahve a good relationship with my priest,

OP posts:
pinkbubble · 16/09/2007 21:39

Just be there for him and hug when necessary, when DH father passed, it was so sad, as DH didnt know how he felt, hardest thing was telling DC!

Thinking of you!

Just be really sweet to DH, He will appreciate it in the long run!

lilolilmanchester · 16/09/2007 21:42

so sorry to hear this. I lost my MIL last year, all I could do was hug DH when he needed it and realise that sometimes when he was being off with me, it wasn't me, it was grief. So be super tolerant for a while. I'd also try to get compassionate leave for the funeral if you can - worth asking, in this day and age employers do tend to respect non-married partnerships at a time like this. Grief is such a personal thing, hard to know how your DP will react in days/weeks to come - just be there for him and do whatever is necessary at the time. And talk to us when times get tough, as I'm sure they will.
Take care.

kindersurprise · 16/09/2007 21:47

So sorry for your loss

DANCESwithTheMorningOff · 16/09/2007 21:49

My FIL died about almost 2yrs ago and it is scary to see your partner so helpless and in pain I remember. For my dh I just tried to keep everything ticking over as smoothly as possible at home so he could come and go to his mum's and deal with all the legal stuff without coming home to chaos and grubby children. Also just be there with hugs and tea whenever needed. I think it helped but no-one can take away his pain at the moment. Time will heal him

Sobernow · 16/09/2007 21:49

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/09/2007 21:49

We haven't even rold dd that his mum was very ill, she is used to her coming in and out of hospital though.

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 16/09/2007 21:49

So sorry to hear this TSAP

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/09/2007 21:51

THanks Gobbledigook

OP posts:
Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/09/2007 21:52

Mummy2TandF I ahve just seen your thread and I am so sorry what I am going through does not even compare to the difficulties you are facing. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

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lomondgal · 16/09/2007 21:53

So sorry, all you can do is be there for him, it breaks my heart to see a man cry. Try and be strong for him x

northender · 16/09/2007 21:55

Sorry to hear this twinset. Think I'm local to you so if there is any practical help I can offer......

tori32 · 16/09/2007 21:56

So sorry for your Loss I think all you can do is listen when he wants to talk and be tolerant.

Donk · 16/09/2007 21:58

TSAP - red book conditions are (I believe) one day for funeral of 'close relative' (mother/father/brother/sister/husband/wife/son/daughter' - but most (sadly not all) headteachers/governors will be more understanding than that and give you a few days (probably, but not necessarily, unpaid). You can but ask.....

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/09/2007 21:58

That is very kind northender.

OP posts:
Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/09/2007 22:00

I think tbh my head would give me a few days off but I don't want to put him in that situation unless i really need to. I have also just taken on a new management role and there are things I need to be in school to do at this crucial time. Of course it goes without saying that if dp came home and said he wanted me to stay at home I would do.

But dp is a very private man and I think he will want time on his own.

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Budababe · 16/09/2007 22:14

Sorry to hear this TSAP. It is hard seeing your partner upset and grieving.

Hope the next few days go as well as can be expected.

Mummy2TandF · 16/09/2007 22:15

twinset - thanks for your message, I am sure that your dp will go through a range of emotions, please try not to take anything personally, I know that I have found myself shouting at a shopkeeper and I would never do anything like that - If I had somebody here with me I am sure I would be taking it out on them in someway - so understanding and turning the other cheek might be needed - also you say dp is a private man, you may find that he will want to talk it out with you and I am sure that you will but listening really helps, even if you don't say anything - people who have just listened to me ramble and allowed me to sob have been of great comfort

WideWebWitch · 16/09/2007 22:16

Just be there for him. I am sorry.

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