Too many suicides to cope..

[Becca19962014]

Long story short three people in my life very close to me have ended their lives in the last two years, am devastated. My physical and mental health has rapidly declined as well.

I've been told I'm "not well enough" for cruse or mental health team.

I don't understand why no one can get how devastating this is? I've no one left now. They ended their lives. I understand why (pain/depression/dementia) but can't stop thinking about how they're gone. And how others who knew them or I mention them to say to me it's what they wanted so I should be glad they're not hurting anymore. Two were last of my family (those left are abusive), the third my godmother and we were very very close.

Services are stopping supporting me because my mental health has got so much worse since this happened. I don't know how they expect me to just keep going as I did before. I can't.

I don't know what I want from this post I just need it out. Am exhausted but I close my eyes and see them. It's just too much for me.

Unfortunately I'm in rural Wales, there's nothing here by way of help other than cruse but they've said I'm hurting too much for their input. I appreciate your support.

I've spoken to SOBs but there's only so much support they can offer by email. Phones are diffiicult given signal issues being so rural.

All anyone I've approached as done is direct me back to mental health team as I'm struggling so much and all they do is say I'm lying about being so distressed. It's impossible really.

Becca

Your post is making my blood boil and demonstrates the lack of resources available for people genuinely struggling from the impact of losing someone to suicide.

For anyone in the mental health team to accuse you of lying is disgusting. Mental health resources are chronically underfunded, and it's heart breaking that you are reaching out for help and hitting brick walls.

I see people post all the time on fb - my door is always open, it's ok not to be ok but in reality if someone knocked on their door what could they do? That cuppa isn't going to fix it. I'll be honest I have no idea what resources are even available in my local area or who I would call first.

I'm so sorry I can't give you any better advice please try your GP tomorrow x

Sorry. I didn't mean to make anyone angry.

I simply don't understand. It was a staff member who found my godmother (they met at her house once a month for tea and a chat, they vaguely knew each other) and they've had huge amounts of support from staff, no ones demanded a death certificate from them or told them it's just bereavement or to just phone cruse as it's just bereavement.

I just don't understand. Trying not to become bitter and twisted over it but it's so hard. The world has tilted. I'd never noticed how many people "normalise" suicide until this happened by saying things like "it's what they wanted" and "they're happy now". Meanwhile I'm asking is it what they wanted of were they so exhausted from struggling/pain/exhaustion they just couldn't carry on, are they happy and released now? How does anyone know what happens after death, as Christians I know what they (and I) believe ...

There's funding for so many things for those who meet their criteria but that's a tiny amount of people - worked out its less than 1% of the population the rest get told no money or resources so tough.

Got a notification someone replied. No idea why!

Anyway, had nightmare about godmother. I never found her but the local paper put so many details in about her death that I know exactly what and where etc. Dreaming about her

Hope you don't mind me rambling here.
Tried Samaritans was waiting over ten minutes, then got disconnected.

I have a suggestion, though it is a bit sticky plaster. Cariad Lloyd has a podcast about grief. Its called griefcast. Its free, all you need is an internet connection. She interviews other comedians about death so it can also be quite funny. The episode with Aisling Bea deals with suicide.

And I fucking hate mindfulness.

I really hope you feel better soon

Becca ramble away I'm sorry to hear about all your losses and that Samaritans have been disappointing. I think it must be the luck of the draw, I've been lucky when I've contacted them.

I can't begin to imagine the pain you must feel from multiple deaths by suicide. Wish I could actually help.

People have no idea how traumatic it is. Since yesterday morning I feel like I'm in one massive panic attack. Autumn over the last 6 year's have been horrendous, terrifying, devastating due to OH's massive mental health crises (inc near successful suicide attempt) and relative's suicide last Sept which has caused ptsd in my son. I should probably get in touch with my GP.

Keep posting.

red I have actually heard that podcast, thanks for mentioning it as it might help others reading.

Glad you hate mindfulness as well. I feel like I'm the only one!!! It cost me a huge amount to even try emotionally as I lost my religious community as well leaving me even more isolate and that too was a bereavement for me, albeit one no one actually understands as it wasn't done to be mean but rather because of the conflict it was causing me to end that. I don't have years to study to go back again so it's end of the line for that support for me which is devastating as well.

colouring I feel for you and I know what it's like as it becomes "that" season. If it would help then feel free to talk about it on this thread. It took me months, literally, to make this thread as I was so nervous about how to do it. Do try your GP they may be able to help you, it's important to know that different areas work in different ways as well. Don't be put off because of my shit experiences.

I've PTSD diagnosed for other reasons but definitely have it from the report into my godmothers death. It's hard to cope with. If your son was to find it got to a point whereby he needed help he'd very likely get it. Round here men are prioritised over women (not sure why).

Got to sleep at 7am and all I dreamt of was dr who rolling down mountains [confusing] and woke after repeatedly hearing my godmother telling me to get up - so I woke to the devastating reality that I wasn't staying at her house and she wasn't waking me up for a cup of tea like would sometimes happen.

My brains a mess!!

Now I've got to get food..

Thanks Becca I appreciate that a lot. Today is proving awful. My ds starts secondary school tomorrow and I'm really struggling to function at all

Mindfulness is not advised for people with ptsd/trauma as it is often retraumatising. Yoga is ok - which I do once a week and it does help.

I know that feeling well, unfortunately. Do your best and try not to beat yourself up if you're struggling.

No I don't take my own advice. I find it impossible. But it might help you.

I don't understand why mindfulness is all they offer here.

I can't do yoga (it's really bad for my condition).

Have you thought about making a formal complaint to the community mental health service? It seems like you should be under their care if Cruse have deemed you too unwell and that they should be offering you more than mindfulness, especially since you have already tried it and didn't find it helpful. Do you have an idea of what you do want? (Counselling, medication, EMDR, DBT, something else?) They do have a responsibility to properly investigate if a complaint is made.

Formal complai

Formal complaint was when I was told that seeing me was wasting their time and I was to be assigned student once a month and told my godmother would still be alive if staff weren't wasting time on me during supposed crisis (didn't die so seen as supposed crisis) they didn't know at the time she was my godmother and when I became hysterical having been lied to that it was a coincidence they then tried to lie they didn't mean that.

They did.

They're getting rid of me for getting too much worse for them. That's what they've told me. Meanwhile telling other organisations I'm fine to trick them into seeing me.

I'm not well enough for counselling, I can't have meds or EMDR due to severe neurological problems and DBT is mostly mindfulness here which I've already said is very unhelpful to me (appreciate you may have missed that!). I don't have functioning to waste on crap that's made me worse and I don't believe "wanting" mindfulness to work would make it better.

All I want is for the pain to stop and someone I can trust but I can't trust anyone, I won't risk letting anyone in again. My godmother died because I asked for help. It was my fault.

I can't even walk down the street without having panic attacks. There's no help for me. Nothing. Not well enough for cmht.

I didn't realise that mindfulness was a component of DBT, sorry. And that you've already complained. It sounds like a very difficult situation and the service where you are doesn't sound that good. Sorry

It's ok.
I'm sorry I was defensive.

"Why can't you just cope?"

"You've got to change to fix this - try harder at mindfulness"

"Mindfulness is 100% recommended for people who have trauma you're looking for excuses"

Today's appointment at mental health team.

Totally ignored the two safeguarding calls, as they know better than I do.

Evening, OP. We're so sorry to hear you're having such a horrible time. And so sorry about all the losses you've had in your life recently.

We don't want to patronise at all and it sounds like you've tried lots of avenues but we just thought we'd post our usual link to organisations that can help in case there was something there you hadn't yet thought of. You never know.

We really hope you get the help you deserve though. It sounds like you've been incredibly strong in the face of some horrible events.

Thank you for the link hebe

Angry on your behalf. There are MANY sources that warn of risks of using mindfulness to treat trauma. Here's a few to start with. I'm so sorry your local services are so shit.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-science-behind-behavior/201604/the-little-known-downsides-mindfulness-practice%3famp

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jan/23/is-mindfulness-making-us-ill

www.google.com/amp/s/www.goodtherapy.org/blog/mindfulness-meditation-and-trauma-proceed-with-caution-1021154/amp/

www.acesconnection.com/blog/meditation-may-aggravate-trauma-mindful-action-is-a-better-alternative

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5353526/

www.thescienceofpsychotherapy.com/is-mindfulness-safe-for-trauma-survivors/

www.madinamerica.com/2018/11/mindfulness-complex-trauma/

www.mindchwf.org.uk/our-services/mindfulness/

MIND advice from that link "Mindfulness may not be suitable for people who have experienced severe trauma..."

www.mindchwf.org.uk/our-services/mindfulness/

stopping now

The local mind are very very pro mindfulness for everything. When I reached out to them all they went on about was the miracle of mindfulness. Having said that I didn't realise the local branches are actually totally independant of the main.

I wish I could link this to social services. I could maybe make them understand then. Then again maybe not. Afterall the cruse email has been utterly ignored.

I wonder if the huge enthusiasm for mindfulness is influenced by a chronic lack of funds...

Take Cruse email to local MP? (maybe clutching straws...)

It's everywhere now. Can't can even get shopping without having mindfulness magazines at the sodding till. All saying how great it is for anxiety and other mental health issues. I bought one once they all say it can make things worse and to seek professional help if makes things worse, so obviously a possibility. They don't say what to do if the professional help tells you to just try harder though!

It's even available in our community centre during term time for £80 a term. No warnings it could make you worse, the person doing it has no mental health qualifications.

I feel like it's stalking me!!

I did try MP, got standard reply about how underfunded the NHS is especially here and have I thought of applying for PIP and paying private for something else. Private won't accept someone struggling as much as I am.