Too many suicides to cope..

[Becca19962014]

Long story short three people in my life very close to me have ended their lives in the last two years, am devastated. My physical and mental health has rapidly declined as well.

I've been told I'm "not well enough" for cruse or mental health team.

I don't understand why no one can get how devastating this is? I've no one left now. They ended their lives. I understand why (pain/depression/dementia) but can't stop thinking about how they're gone. And how others who knew them or I mention them to say to me it's what they wanted so I should be glad they're not hurting anymore. Two were last of my family (those left are abusive), the third my godmother and we were very very close.

Services are stopping supporting me because my mental health has got so much worse since this happened. I don't know how they expect me to just keep going as I did before. I can't.

I don't know what I want from this post I just need it out. Am exhausted but I close my eyes and see them. It's just too much for me.

Ask your doctor to refer you to a counsellor because nobody should have to go through what you have. Your doctor might also give you some antidepressant which will help numb the pain. You don't have to take them forever but they will take the edge of your pain.

Good luck ((((hugs))))

What you’re feeling is deep grief. Didn’t want to read and run. You must have loved them very deeply and I’m so sorry for your losses. You can call email or text Samaritans anytime of day or night. They’re trained to be there for people. 🌷

@oatmilk4breakfast

www.samaritans.org/

Im so sorry for your losses. Nobody should be ssying yo you that tgese deaths were ok because they chose them. Daths by suicide are devastating. My husband took his own life 18 months ago and im sure i look ok on the surface but it has changed everything.

Please see your GP urgently, even if you have seen them recently. Like you i dont understand how you can be too unwell for the mental health team, at least they could explain what's happening?

Have you tried contacting SOBS survivors of bereavement by suicide? They may have a group local to you.

I found the NHS booklet Help is at Hand quite good, but i was only dealing with one bereavement. Its available online?

I remember years ago I worked with a woman whose husband had been made redundant from his job. She would go home every lunch time to spend time with him and make him a sandwich. One day she went home and saw a note pinned to the front door asking her to use the back door. She entered the house went to the hall and found him hanging there - she was beyond devastated and quite honestly I didn't have a clue what to say to her. I do wonder if the people who kill themselves realise what kind of misery they leave behind for their loved ones, perhaps if they did they might not go through with suicide and get some help before making the people they leave behind go through a living hell.

You're all so kind for responding to me. Thankyou.

I can't have medication due to a neurological problem. That's part of the problem for the mental health team. All they could offer was mindfulness which made things even worse (I'll spare you the details!).

I see my gp frequently. They made a referral but the counsellor said I was struggling too much because of severe depression/self harm myself to see me and I needed to be more stable (which is what the mental health team are telling me as well).

I have rung the samartians, A LOT. Yesterday I rang twice and spoke to two different people who I'd spoken to before

SOBs don't have a group here - I'm very rural. I have rung and emailed them, again they directed me to mental health team, likewise cruse.

All three of the people left notes apologising for what they were doing. They'd all experienced suicide of loved ones before. Two were family who had been made to feel a burden to what remains of my family who are currently still fighting over who gets what of their inheritance which was all they cared about and the money they were "wasting" on care homes. My godmother had lost a family member to suicide and was rejected for crisis support from mental health because she was "just bereaved" and was on the six month waiting list for cruse when she died.

Yes my dh found mindfulness made his symptoms worse in recent years.

Could your GP request more advice from the neurologist? Im guessing perhaps you have epilepsy - maybe a change of epilepsy meds might influence your mental state or allow an antidepressant to be tried? Sorry if this is off beam.

I can't get to a neurologist. Eight hour round trip I'm too unwell to do. I'm not in meds for my neurological issues anyway (including epilepsy but not only that) as they worsened other problems.

Not to mention the mental health team refusal to accept I'm physically disabled anyway. They're all I see now as that's all that exists here and they want to discharge which means I'll lose my benefits when they're renewed.

GP this morning.
Another tough night but at least I've had confirmation from cruse I'm too unwell to be seen by them in an email which I've sent to mental health team.

I was thinking about your GP getting email advice from a neurologist, though its true they might want to see you i guess. Sometimes they will just make meds suggestions to the gp though.

Could you see if a Mind branch covering your area has benefits advice on the phone or home visit.? My dh had benefits restored with their help.

No they won't do that, I have to be referred and it'll take at least 18 months and my medical condition is deterioating fast.

Mind weren't interested when they found out I'm physically disabled and cannot get into their building. They don't offer help with benefits here. Turns out each mind is a separate business which I didn't know.

GP was frustrated. All they could offer was appointments as needed (they know I won't take them up on that) and suggest I wrote down everything that's happened in the last few years of my life, but she said she's worried it'll push me over the edge as I'm struggling so much. She knows of no services to provide support other than ... Mental health team.

It's terrifying that you have so little support. I hope you will see the GP often at least.

DH's suicide I know will be a defining event in my life and Ds's life forever. It's starting to seem a long time ago at the moment but when it comes back to me it's as fierce in its impact as ever. I can't imagine what it would be like to have three happen in a short time.

I was in the house when dh took his own life. I don't know if you have traumatic memories to deal with. I don't have images, which is both a shame and guilt to me, but also a relief. I do have sounds, which were bad enough.

OMG you poor thing. I've experienced suicide in the family once and that was horrendous. Sending you my very best wishes and hope that you get the support you need

I do see GP regularly but to be honest just feel in their way. They said to me they wished there was someone to support me

I just wish I could get the mental health team to understand I'm not deliberately not coping. It's just too much for me. The closest I've got to understanding is on this thread and I'm really grateful for that but I need someone in RL.

Unfortunately most mental health services are woefully inadequate. It is important though that you keep checking in at least with your GP. Samaritans are good (I can say from personal experience).

I don't understand mental health team to be honest. They've taken all the funding from primary care - im not meant to see GP for mental health as funding was given to them to provide a drop in, which is them giving leaflets about helplines and mindfulness and offering a four week mindfulness course. And a lot of complaining they've no money/resources/staff.

Except according to their social medica accounts in April they were given millions as part of the governments rural mental health initiative which as far as I can tell is being spent on mindfulness courses for nurses.

That's it. You want more, pay. And I can't.

Last Samaritans phone call ended abruptly after the volunteer told me if my godmother had really wanted to die she wouldn't have bothered to ask for help. I hate when people say that. If true why bother having any kind of anti suicide initiative at all or even Samaritans for that matter. Certainly the coroner didn't agree.

Jeez that's a crap Samaritans volunteer. I think the reality is for most places there's no "new" money

Had three funerals this year already, last one was a few weeks back, and was a suicide.

Not the first suicide I've had in my life, a school friend's father completed suicide, when I left secondary a school friend completed suicide. Then my best friend completed suicide when I was twenty.

I'm very suicidal. And I do have an issue with something a PP said: I do wonder if the people who kill themselves realise what kind of misery they leave behind for their loved ones, perhaps if they did they might not go through with suicide and get some help before making the people they leave behind go through a living hell

Trust me, this is one of the things we DO think about constantly, which ADDS to the guilt, sadness and shame we feel, 24/7.

People wouldn't do it if they weren't genuinely suffering themselves.

OP, what I can tell you, having been there particularly when it was my best friend, is that it does eventually feel... Not OK, or better, but the feelings about it and thoughts get separated from you and it's like you carry an invisible box with you everywhere with their memories and sometimes you look in the box, but the rest of the time you just have the box with you. Not at the front of your thoughts anymore, but not forgotten either.

I wish I could hold your hand for a while and give you some company. And I am shocked that you're being passed from pillar to post, this is disgusting. I am so sorry. I never got the bereavement counselling I was put on a list for eight years ago this October.

Use the Samaritan's textline when you need to. They've helped me not to go through with suicide myself. I have to be strong for my two children and they really helped when I was severely isolated and alone.

I must have missed the last bit of your last post regarding the call to Samaritans. There must be a different organisation if they weren't helpful.

I’m so sorry for your losses, OP, and other posters. OP, I think you may benefit from working with a counsellor who is experienced in working with trauma. Some work n helping you feel more stable in yourself could be really beneficial right now, but talking at depth about what has happened may not be helpful right now (as in conventional talking therapies). That said, if contact with a sympathetic listener helps at times, keep using phone lines when you need them.

The mind is such a terrible thing, to feel so hopeless and despondent that death feels the only option left is heartbreaking.

We all know there isn't enough support for metal health and that what we are doing now just isn't working. But there is also a lack of support for those left struggling to cope after the suicide of a loved one and this is often ignored.

The frustration is immense - it isn't cancer or some incurable disease that's causing these deaths. These deaths were completely preventable had there been the right support in place but I don't think we actually know what that support is yet and how to effectively offer it quickly enough to impact people feeling so low that dying feels like their only choice.

The 'what ifs' that plague you afterwards and the responsibility you feel for failing the person you loved starts to make you feel inadequate and consumes your days, your nights and even your sleep.

Op I think you are incredibly brave for posting and getting people talking about this. Hoping you find some peace and sending you love

I think it's that they all died within such a short space of time (20 months) and were the last of my family.

It's not like I have anyone else. I literally don't now.

Only one of the deaths was put in the paper and that was against HDR family wishes (godmother) - on all occasions not put in dye to shame and disgust. My family now deny these people ever existed. It's like they're just invisible now. Both times it was family I had to notify everyone because my family were too ashamed and, disgusted. For me the holes left are huge and gaping.

Literally lost every person I was close to to suicide in a short period. I've no friends. I'm virtually housebound due to my conditions now. If I had counselling that'd mean another day with no food or medication.

I'm suicidal myself and have been for weeks, literally all im hearing from mental health team is its "just bereavement" - they saw no use in seeing me on suicide anniversary. They're lying to charities that I'm fine really to trick them into speaking to me to get around safeguarding and then I get accused of lying by charities for the attention and am hurt even more.

The last person I spoke to there accused me of making "meaningless threats to manipulate" how can I approach them for any help after that? They apologised after I snapped how dare you but it's been said now.

Ok if they don't want to know but why are they lying to people that they're supporting me when all they do, literally, is whine it's hard for them? It's not hard for them. They see me for 30 minutes or so once a week. I live this every single day for 24 hours a day.

I dream of them.
I see them everywhere.

I appreciate Samaritans are people as well and maybe that person was having an off day. I'm just not in a place where I can cope with other people. Every day is horrible.

I'm sorry if I've not answered any questions, I'll try pop back later as struggling today.

I'm so sorry for you. Could you try this or search for similar online free councelling?

www.professionalhelp.org.uk/grief-chat/

Hope you find a ray of sunshine.

Please don't listen to anyone who is trying to minimise your feelings as 'just bereavement'. These feelings you are having are raw and real and painful. I'm so sorry that when you've asked for help you've been failed.

Losing three people you loved to suicide is a pain that they are failing to understand the depth of. I hate the term 'commit suicide' , people commit crimes and the shame that others you mentioned in your post are attaching to your loss of the people you loved only deepens the pain.

Have you tried some specific charities that are dedicated to supporting family members affected by suicide? They often have volunteers that have lost loved ones and can truly understand just how devastating it is.

I don't know where you are OP but if you are anywhere in the NE of England and want a coffee, a chat or just someone to stay quiet so you aren't alone pm me.

There's nothing that anyone can say or do to change this situation but please don't give up on looking for support. The right support will make all the difference in getting through this pain and finding a way to cope.

Don't stop posting x