My husband took his life last night

[itsallabouttheponies]

I'm devastated - we have four children from 25 to 8, who are in pieces. We had been separated for nearly 3 years but had tried to make it work in the last year. He was a long term alcoholic but such a wonderful kind man when drink wasn't involved. I had applied for a divorce last week which was the trigger and my guilt is overwhelming. The children are simply devastated and I've no idea how we are going to keep going - thank you for listening

Im so sorry. Please dont blame yourself, he obviously had issues long before you applied for a divorce.
Please get some counselling for you and your children!

So very sorry

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your children. Please don’t feel guilty. It sounds as if he was on a path of destruction that no one could help him get back from.

I'm so sorry to the reading this. Please do not blame yourself. You cannot take responsibility for other peoples actions. Be kind to yourself x

(((itsallabouttheponies)))
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this.This is not your fault.

Once things settle you may find the following useful

uksobs.org/

www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/traumatic-bereavement/suicide

www.winstonswish.org/death-through-suicide/

If you need emotional support yourself - give The Samaritans a call x

I'm so sorry for you and your DC. There'll be barrels of different emotions hitting all of you right now. It's a cliche but just take it one day at a time.

It's a tragedy when someone takes their own life. And that is what he did. He chose to end his life. You are not responsible. Please be kind to yourself.

Really very sorry for your loss and the shock that this must be for you and your family.

As well as the other organisations mentioned, I wonder if the Al Anon helpline would help:

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/helpline/

As they deal especially with families of people affected by alcohol, they may understand more exactly what you are going through.

Sending you all love and prayers and I’m sorry for your loss.
It is not your fault, please don’t feel it is.

What devastating news, I am so sorry for you and your children's loss

As many of the other ladies have said, don't blame yourself.

Divorce by itself, is a very common thing and couples separate and lead a new life.

Alcoholism is a very serious condition and it sounds like he had such a constant uphill battle that he wanted to be at peace and not continue fighting.

Its so important that you and your children care for each other and yourselves. My thoughts are with you all

So sorry op. Winstons wish is a wonderful charity for bereaved children and their families. I hope you have family or friends to support you. He is peaceful now.

I'm very sorry for your loss OP and that of your DC.

Your ex's addictions and suicide are not your fault though. Those were HIS choices and not something that can be laid at your door. Please be kind to yourself and don't shoulder this blame - it really isn't yours

So sorry to read this. Please look after yourself. My BIL blamed himself for his DM's suicide, had he arrived earlier to visit her she would have survived the overdose, but he overslept after an arduous nightshift, and arrived later than usual.
If affected him (and his family for years) and was so distructive.
No doubt there will be an inquest and I would suggest if you can avoid it please do.
Both you and your DC's need some professional counselling, please seek it asap.
What he is done is truly awful but he wasn't in his right mind the alcohol and cannabis saw to that. please stop blaming yourself and do get help

How awful. I am sorry to hear that. Only time will heal and it will take time. Day by day, minute by minute it will get easier. Definitely seek some counselling for you and the kids to help process it all. And try to be around family and friends. You will need a lot of support. Be kind to yourself and make sure to still take care of yourself. Take walks, enjoy if you can the simple pleasures of life. Feeling the sun on your skin, listening to the birds etc. Experiencing the death of a loved one is so difficult.

Guilt is a natural part of the grieving process. But you were not responsible for this. You tried hard to work things out between you but his drinking and drug habit made that impossible. He chose them. The long term cannabis use probably fuelled paranoia and mental health problems. Honestly, you could not have done more and you must not blame yourself.

I am so so sorry.

It is not your fault. Nothing you did, or could have ever done, would have made things ok (as you know) and by the same token, nothing in your power caused or could have caused this either.

His addictions and depression killed him, it is as simple as that.

I am so sorry for you and your family, and for your husband.

I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you. My husband is an alcoholic and tried to commit suicide 2 years ago. He is also wonderful when sober. Very sadly I think it is only a matter of time so I have to keep this in my heart. He is ill and only he can help himself. It is his choice that unfortunately has devistating consequences on the people who love him. I know you will have spent your life trying to help him but it is not your fault, in the end the illness will consume them. You have to look after yourself because you matter. You did not cause this. Do you have a support network of other family members of alcoholics who will absolutely understand and be there for you.?

Another good organisation for your children is NACOA the national association for children of alcoholics. They help both young children and grown up children.

uksobs.org

I think this is an organisation which assigns you a support person who will check in and see how you are doing.

It is hard when you have children and your primary concern is for them. You need someone in your corner that you can speak to and answer honestly when asked 'how are you doing?'. Someone who won't judge, won't remind you of what you said and doesn't have any connection to the rest of your life.

You did not do this, you did not cause this, you are doing the best you can for your family.

I am so sorry to hear this, what a terrible shock for you and your children and the finality of it with no chance to help is hard to bear. My dad was (died of it) and alcoholic and my brother is (not drunk for 7 years) and alcoholic and the frustration of trying to stop them ruining their lives is overwhelming. Only time and perspective will allow you to realise that if he didn't want to be helped, he couldn't be and the decision to end his life was his. No one, not even him I am sure, would criticize your decision to request a divorce and in time you will accept that and forgive yourself. Thinking of you. xx

I'm so sorry please take care of yourself and your children and know that is not your fault

@itsallabouttheponies, I'm so very sorry.

Guilt complicates the grief horribly with suicide.
But it was not your fault; not your choice.
I think the guilt can be a way your mind tries to trick you that you're responsible so the world isn't so uncontrollable and unpredictable. But the reality is that you had no power to prevent this. When my sister died (also by suicide), I sometimes had to actually chant this under my breath to block out the self-blaming. Whatever it takes to get you through each day.

I'm very, very sorry for your loss.

The shock to you and your family must be tremendous. I'm so sorry for you all.

So sorry to hear this but do get counselling to help you through these feelings. It is never anyone else's fault if a person decides to take their own life, as long as they are not being actively being coerced into it, because that person always has a choice. It is their responsibility if they choose to end their lives.

definitely not your fault or responsibility