My husband took his life last night

[itsallabouttheponies]

I'm devastated - we have four children from 25 to 8, who are in pieces. We had been separated for nearly 3 years but had tried to make it work in the last year. He was a long term alcoholic but such a wonderful kind man when drink wasn't involved. I had applied for a divorce last week which was the trigger and my guilt is overwhelming. The children are simply devastated and I've no idea how we are going to keep going - thank you for listening

No wise words but much love heading your way. This is not your fault as everyone else has said. One day and even one minute at a time.

What others have said OP . It is not your fault at all .

So sorry for you and your DCs

I'm so so sorry. Wishing you strength to get you through this. Please don't blame yourself x

itsallabouttheponies so sorry to hear this. You have clearly been through a lot and the shock of your husband's death is hard, but you should in no way blame yourself.

Hang onto the fact you have four lovely children. Do you have any other family? If not, don't be afraid to ask your children for help, ie ask older one plan funeral with you (my DF died around the same age and it helped me to be involved), the younger ones can help by doing jobs for you. Distractions wil help them.

I also have experience in this tragic matter and send much love to you and your family

Just try to get through the initial days

Try to eat and sleep in as close to a regular fashion as possible

If you hear yourself saying or thinking that you should be doing this or that or you should be feeling this or that, take a deep breath and be kind to yourself

I once heard that those left behind after a suicide don’t typically seek professional help within the first year. They often feel it’s perceived to be too soon. Seek the help that feels right for you and your children when it feels right. Change the source of help as and when you need it

You can and will get through this but you need to be a team and there for each other

We can support you from the sidelines xxxx

OP, that's awful for you and your children and you must all be terribly shocked. Please accept my sympathies for your loss .

The feeling of guilt will be a natural thing bearing in mind the recent filing for divorce, but the guilt is absolutely unwarranted as your husband's decision was his alone, and solely down to his own mental health. I do hope you have some good support in RL to get you through this difficult time. Sending you a virtual hug!

So sorry for yours and your children's loss.
I can't tell you how you should or shouldn't feel but hopefully in time you will see it's not your fault, you are not to blame.

So sorry for your loss.

This is not your fault in ANY way. Please don't for a moment think it is.

I am not surprised you feel guilty but it really isn't your fault.

That's awful, in so sorry no words are going to ease this but I hope you all get through it. Suicide in male population really needs addressing I'm hearing so many horror stories just this year alone it's heartbreaking.

I’m so very sorry. What a dreadful shock for you all. Please don’t blame yourself, alcoholism is a terrible disease.

How awful, I'm so sorry for your loss.xx

so sorry. The kids will be ok but ensure you approach a child bereavement specialist service (most go up to 25) for help. My friends h took his life in eerily similar circumstances 8 years ago, it was so hard but they are ok now. Thinking of you

I’m so sorry for your loss OP it is absolutely not your fault. Be kind to yourself.

I'm so sorry. Suicide is so difficult- it ripped our family apart for a while. Please believe all of the people who are telling you that this is not your fault. It really isn't.

I’m so sorry OP. Alcoholism killed your husband, you are a victim here, as are your children.

Thank you for all the kind messages and thoughts, we are absolutely devastated, watching my children in pain is hurting so much. I need to hear I'm not responsible I think, I tried so hard to make our marriage work because the good times were amazing, but the bad time were really horrible and no matter what I did, there were always bad times. He was a heavy cannabis user as well which caused huge problems for us as well, I though the divorce would give me some peace from the rollercoaster of emotions but feeling a thousand times worse now xxx

I am so very sorry for your and your children’s loss.

OP, I wish to send you my heartfelt condolences. Please be kind to yourself. This will be a very difficult time for your DC and also for you as you all mourn what could have been.

Please do not blame yourself, you did not cause this. Is there someone IRL who you can talk to - perhaps seek counselling through one of the suicide charities?

You need to be strong for now for the DC, but remember you can only be strong if you take care of yourself so please try to find someone to talk to.

I am very sorry for this awful shock and all the feelings and guilt and what ifs. I would echo what others have said to her help for yourself when you are ready. And there is wonderful help for children out there too. Bereavement is so individual. There is no right or wrong to how you or the children feel. Sending a big hug. One hour at a time becomes one day at a time. Xx

Oh my goodness, how absolutely awful. And as others have said, your feelings of guilt are totally understandable but absolutely not justified. Just ask yourself, if this had happened to a friend of yours, what would you be saying to them? Would you think it was their fault? Of course you wouldn't.
I hope you have the support you need for you and your family. x

So sorry for your loss 💐

Don’t hesitate to seek help for yourself and your children if they need it. There are many bereavement charities who will help you all get through this.

I can't tell you how sorry I am to read this. I can do nothing but send love to you and your children. I am sure you will receive a log more practical advice here, but I will be thinking about you ♥️

Oh my dear I am so very sorry. You did everything you could and this is not on you. You will get through this, and so will your DCs. The darkest time is now, and you will slowly begin to take steps towards recovery.

Heavy cannabis use is also a known factor for depression and other MH problems, especially if he did it a lot when he was younger. It must have been awful for him, but what happened was not down to you.