DH has died

[Namehanger]

My husband died on Wednesday night after a three year battle against cancer. About two weeks ago they stopped treatment and we started to access palliative care. Bit the final end was much quicker than we anticipated, it happened in a day and was confusing and distressing.

We have 2 teenage boys, we thought we had more time. And although they knew he had cancer we had not briefed them that the treatment had finally failed. There dad did speak to them both briefly, but an hour later he was dead.

The eldest (17)is quite sanguine and does not appear to be too upset, whilst the youngest (15) who was close to his dad is shattered. Also they are due to do A levels and GCSE'S in May / June.

Doing my best to give them space and security, whilst grieving but interested in any experience.

Thanks for listening

Oh gosh, I have no advice but I couldn't read this and not send hugs to you and your boys. I'm so sorry xxx

Oh my lovely; I’m so so sorry.

As a practical thing for your boys; contact the exams officer at school and ask them about special consideration. They might be able to help

I am so sorry for your loss.

I hope the school and the palliative care provider will support you and your boys.
My experience is different, in that I lost my adult child, but I know how hard the next days and weeks will be for all of you.
I got great support on here.
I know you will too.

I'm so sorry

So sorry
Speak to school.they will have access to counsellors and
They can let exam board know. E.g. if were on track for high grades but may drop due to the stress .

No experience but I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry for your loss

So, so sorry for you and your boys.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

No direct experience but I have heard good things about the charity Winston’s Wish that helps bereaved children.

Love and strength to you all

You poor thing, I had a similar instance with my dad.

The grief may hit you later because of the shock, sands is very helpful for talking.

Just be at peace with the fact that there was nothing you could do, there was no controlling the situation for your children or yourself and it’s just very very sad.

Once I realised there was nothing I could have done I just dealt with the sadness

So sorry for your loss. 💐 what an awful time for all of you.

((((Hug))))

I am SO sorry 🌷

For now just keep doing what you’re doing. Being there for them but giving them space too.

Obviously talk to school, I’d email the appropriate person and ask them to get back to you when they’re back to work. The boys will need support at school and with exams coming up, they’ll hopefully help them then too with extended time etc.

Counselling would be good in a few months if you can encourage them to go.

Allowing them to ‘be normal’ going out with friends etc but being there when they fall apart later on.

Even though he had cancer it’s still a big shock for all of you.

Take care of yourself and let friends and family know what you want/need them to do. People genuinely want to be there for you and help, but are mostly unsure what to do.

Lots of love 🌷

As was mentioned let exams people know, keep doing routine stuff so they can see that life goes on (I'm sorry I know thats a shitty thing to accept) and if you or they need to put photos away for a little bit try and accommodate it.
Don't force conversations about him or avoid them, my dad never spoke about my mum after her death and it messed me up a fair bit as I felt my grieving was being done incorrectly

You will all be ok.

I am very sorry for yours and your sons' loss op. I think both boys are probably in shock and it may take months for them to process let alone come to terms with this terrible loss.

I don't know your boys of course but boys of this age can be very reticent about showing emotions. Your eldest, who you say seems quite sanguine could well be suppressing his grief either because he doesn't know what else to do or because he thinks this will help you and his younger brother.

Devastating for you all. You can only wait and see what support they might need while also dealing with your own grief.

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry and sad for you all. You must be in absolute shock. As others have said, I hope your boys are able to have extra consideration in their important exams. You need to really mind yourself in the coming weeks and months because your boys will need a lot of minding once this actually hits them.

I am so sorry for your loss, sending you all my love and prays. 💕

Thank you for your kind words. I knew it was coming, it appeared they did not. My relationship with the youngest was difficult, he had been acting up with alcohol, weed and self harming from last summer onwards. This had stretched our relationship so I am sure that he wished it had been dad who was still alive, not me. That would be a difficult emotion to process.

Sending you strength. Don't forget to look after yourself as well as your boys xx

So sorry for your loss OP.

No experience, so no advice.

So so sorry for you and your boys OP.

Gosh, tragic news. Sending strength to you all

I am so so sorry OP my younger brother was 12 when our Mom died - he closed up. We talked to the school and got him counselling and also made sure his teachers and classmates knew before he returned to school (she passed away at the end of the six weeks holiday no clue beforehand this would happen). The main thing that helped was routine I.e. food, same tasks after school on the same day- he's 34 now and said that the routine was the best thing - he found it comforting as it gave him certainty at a very odd time and helped him come to terms with the bigger changes. So sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss, OP.

I’m so sorry. 💐

I am so very sorry lass. Sending you hugs and handholds.

May he rest in peace.