Just been told that my lovely nan has passed away & my parents are away on holiday

[Pinkchampagne]

They have only been gone since last Thursday, so I have to find a way to contact them to try & get them home before the funeral.
My nan had a massive stroke & I didn't know, and now she's dead. I'm in bits, I feel so guilty. I was going to phone her tonight to check she was ok, and now she's gone.[

5th Sept - I think.
But that is after including some inset days on the end of the hol, I think.

We go back on Monday 3rd September!

I can't believe it has been a week already for you. Sounds like you are doing okay. As okay as you can in the circumstances.

I can't believe it is a whole week since I heard the news either. This time last week was just the most awful day.

I seem to go in waves of upset atm. I can be ok one minute & then in a bad way the next.
Last night was a bad night. I started watching a programme that I watched the week before, and thought "This time last week I was watching this, totally unaware that my nan was lying in a hospital bed dying."

It is when I have quieter moments or when something reminds me of nan that I lose it. Sniffing her tissue really gets me because it just smells of nan.

I don't want next week to come. I can't bear the thought of her funeral.

I couldn't go to my nan's funeral and I sometimes wonder if that is why I am indenail about her really being gone. I keep wondering if she is cold and wondering where I am.

Was that because you felt you couldn't handle it, NAB3?
I am really dreading it & don't know how I'll get through next Tuesday.

No, I was 8.5 months pregnant with a precarious pregnancy and it would have been 300 miles there and 300 back. Consultant wouldn't let me go.

We'll all be thinking of you on Tuesday.

How awful for you.

how long ago did your nan pass away? Does it get easier?

Think I'm part in denial atm. I want it all to be a bad dream & to walk into her little house & see her back on that chair of hers, where she always was whenever you walked in that house. Now it's empty.

Sorry, back in her chair. Not making sense today

Dear Pink (am back on line as you can see!)
Feeling for you - remember how i felt when my nan died last year. To be honest it is no easier KNOWING that they are dying. For me little things help - reading a poem at her funeral - putting flowers on the grave - just talking to her as i sit on what was her bench that is now in our back garden by our veg patch (it used to be by her veg patch!)
I miss her so much as time goes by - but that raw pain that you are feeling will go - and dont feel guilty about anything - she knows how much you koved herXXXX

Sorry - loved herX

Hi Tess, nice to see you back online!

I can't shift the guilt atm, but I know there is no way any of us could have known that it was going to happen. Just wish I had made that bloody call two days earlier!

Sorry I am late with DS3's present. I have it all here & will get it to him ASAP.x

My DS1 is going to draw her a picture, which I would like them to put in with her if possible. I know I may sound weird, but I feel I would like it to go with her. I am not thinking in a normal way atm.

Hi Pinkchampagne,
Isnt it nice to have Tessiebear back with us? The picture would be such a lovely idea. When Matthew died as you know I did not go to see him, couldnt, but needed to know he was ok, that they had dressed him in his favourite clothes etc, he wore his denim jacket that had al his badges sewn on he had collected in America. Matthew was good at magic tricks and used to put on shows, he always used to wear a red bow tie, so we put that in, a photo of us all together and a letter to him, makes me want to cry just thinking about it now. It is the hardest thing to lose someone you truly love, funerals are hard, sadly I have been to quite a few now, like Tessie said, doing something brave like a reading is something good to look back on, the day will only happen once, make sure its right, and in my experience the build up to the day is worse than the actual day, xxxx

Thanks, triplets. Your Matthew was clearly a really lovely boy, and so bright too - Tess showed me his poem & I was blown away by it.
It is lovely that you put all those special things with him.

Don't know if I would be able to keep it together enough to do a reading. I admire Tess for having that bravery, I am not sure I could be so strong.

And yes, it is really great to have Tess back online!

Yes, it was quite a poem, found it in his room one day in Feb 4 months before he died, he said, "its just a poem, I might use it for school". I have written several poems since he died, lots in the first two years, then these things seem to stop, like dreaming about him, nothing now for years, it surprises me as he is in my mind every day, last thing at night I say goodnight to him, and his photo is the first thing I see when I wake up, but no dreams anymore. Maybe thats what they call letting go

Oh, triplets

I am disgusted that one of my cousins who never bothered with nan, never even sent her a Christmas or birthday card, says she can't make it to her funeral because she has a dentist appointment!

I never see this cousin, and would get cross that she bothered so little, but nan was so nice that she would make excuses for her. Once she promised she was coming to see nan & then never turned up.
Feel cross she would put a dental appt that could easily be rearranged before her own nan's funeral.

Recently found all this out from mum, and feel cross & sad for nan.[cross]

even!
need to try to sleep now

Me too, night night, xx