Family greed after finding out about inheritance

[AstroKitty]

It would be much appreciated if someone could share their advice about this situation.
So, my mum passed about 10yrs ago and since then her side of the family have been unfortunate as in my grandfather was the only remaining relative alive by 2017 and passed this year. Because I am the last remaining relative I have found out I inherit everything he owned (I won't go into detail but theres a LOT of property), since then specially from my Dad I've been put under massive pressure from him in terms of what he wants out of it and what he's "expecting", as I have some months to go before it all gets finalised I want to come up with a plan as I don't want family members using me and expecting me to be some sort of cash cow for their endeavours. I'm really stuck as every conversation we have is about money and it makes me more and more uncomfortable as when the day does come that it gets sorted I can see an argument happening because things haven't gone their way. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do as I'm stuck?

Oh and IF you do give him something, ensure that he knows that it's a one-time gift, and get him to sign a legal document stipulating this.

When I inherited from my dad, it was easier to deal with my mum as I was already aware of how toxic she was and how to handle her. When she came I laughed and asked her on what planet did she think she was entitled to anything. They had been separated for decades and had got divorced years before he died.

As the property is in a foreign country, do not commit to anything until you know how much the property is worth and the legal situation of each property.

My DH's family owns property in another country where the land law is still based on a system set out by a medieval imperial administration with the intent to prevent the colonised from freely owning land and property. In some cases, people own property outright that they cannot sell because they do not actually hold the deeds. In others, they cannot sell because they do not own the land the house sits upon and the land owner has to agree to a change of ownership of the property on the land.

There can be some insanely bizarre situations surrounding property in other countries. Some might have sitting tenants with lifetime tenancies etc.

Don't do or promise anything until you know.

I would email or text him and say that you’re not prepared to discuss your inheritance with him any more and that it’s best to be careful with cash as depending on the amount inherited he might only be given a small amount like 3k.

Then be very clear cut about things. If he talks about the money, stop seeing him for a while or go to the loo or a walk. Refuse to engage in any money discussions by just saying ‘I’m not discussing the money’ and don’t give reasons. Don’t get into an argument.

I agree that he is bullying you. Especially as you have asked him not to talk about it, and he is therefore blatantly ignoring your wishes, and being nasty. That doesn't make you a bad daughter!

And I wouldn't say you are going to give him money - there is a real danger he'll never be quiet about "when?" "how much?" so nothing solved.

Your Dad sounds irresponsible with money and the money won't help him I'm sure. Unfortunately if he has (or gets into) a load of debt, the 'gesture' of giving him money might not really help your relationship either, which is probably the thing you hope you can sort.

A relative of mine was like this with my poor DGF - every time they visited him in the last few years of his life - though I'll also say, this behaviour was at a very bad time of this relative's life and their financial situation and MH were both precarious at that time.

Perhaps you should say "dad I'm worried about you harping on about this. Is everything OK?" (not if you don't want to hear the answer though!). Or you could just mutter darkly about your own "large debts" if you really can't end the discussion.

However yes, sticking to the line that you are going to need advice from a financial advisor and of course his grandchildren are the priority, so you are not going to talk about it now. Not that you don't want to, note, that you are not going to.

Honestly i would say
"Grandad left this money as his only blood relative. I am going to make sure it goes as he intended. To his great grandchildren and for their benefit. This is not a windfall for you".