Family greed after finding out about inheritance

[AstroKitty]

It would be much appreciated if someone could share their advice about this situation.
So, my mum passed about 10yrs ago and since then her side of the family have been unfortunate as in my grandfather was the only remaining relative alive by 2017 and passed this year. Because I am the last remaining relative I have found out I inherit everything he owned (I won't go into detail but theres a LOT of property), since then specially from my Dad I've been put under massive pressure from him in terms of what he wants out of it and what he's "expecting", as I have some months to go before it all gets finalised I want to come up with a plan as I don't want family members using me and expecting me to be some sort of cash cow for their endeavours. I'm really stuck as every conversation we have is about money and it makes me more and more uncomfortable as when the day does come that it gets sorted I can see an argument happening because things haven't gone their way. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do as I'm stuck?

So your parents weren’t together when your mum passes away? He’s not “entitled” to anything. You’ll be doing him a favour telling him this sooner rather than later especially as he’a been feckless with his (company?) money.

If property is involved 10 k should be easily affordable
If the property is being sold, yes. But maybe the OP wants to live in it? And even if it is affordable it's not his divine right and his behaviour is horrible.

I thought they were together @DrinkFeckArseGirls but he had girlfriends after she died who came before the OP.

You will have taxes as well as fees to pay. What you yourself may actually be considerably less than your father actually realises.
You need to email him explaining the above and say as a result you will be taking further financial advice which means property and money is likely to be invested for considerable time. Therefore he should not expect a lump sum. Or any payment anytime soon and should live his llife accordingly.
You might need to be quite blunt.
Emailing avoids emotional confrontation and allows you to think exactly how and what you want to say as well as providing proof and a record of what's been "said".

Rely horrid when someone behaves so entitled.

Why is it ok for parents to sponge off adult kids but awful if parents get sponged off by adult kids?.

You need to stop evading the subject and say “Dad, I need to be clear. I am not at a sure I will be distributing Gf’s Estate. The money may well need to stay tied up on assets and property in (that country) and I will be taking financial and legal advice about how to best protect the assets for my children. Please do not bank on getting cash. Leaving tne money to your grandchildren will be my priority

Do this.

'Harridan' there you go. Get used to that op. 'He's your father' was how i used to beat myself up. Nearly destroyed my marriage giving df money. He got involved with one of those 419 scams run by organised crime, but if i didn't give him money 'he's your father'.

How about 'she's his daughter' - wouldn't most parents be incredibly relieved to know their child was set financially for life?

Thanks MyOtherProfile, hazy morning vision!

I think you need to make things much clearer to him.
I’d start by telling him what you told us which is that you still have no idea how much inheritance you will get. Your grand father might have had some debts you dont know about. Amd yumwill have to pay inheritance tax too. Until then anyone who start spending money that they don’t know for sure if they have is a fool.

About the 10k, it sounds a hell of a lot money BUT if you are left with a really big inheritance, then it might be a very small amount compare to the rest. If this is the case, I would give it to him as a gift (so then you aren’t responsible of what he is doing with it).
Then block all the other money in some investments (or tell him you have) such as properties so actually yu dint have any cash available at hand for whatever he wants iyswim.

But in etching yiubreally need is to establish VERY CLEAR BOUNDARIES now because otherwise, as soon as he will learn how much inheritance you have, it looks like he is going to try and sponge you.

Btw a pp suggested counselling. I think it might be a good idea to tell some for yourself somyiu can stand up for you and stop feeling guilty.

Investments can get tied up for years so just tell him you are investing the majority of it all for your children's future. See what his reaction is. If it's pleasant and agreeable then maybe consider helping him out at a later date , it's it's explosive and like a child being told they can't have what they want consider going NC.

Having assets and wealth can be useful, but it's better to keep your financial situation to yourself. Otherwise you will never know if people are genuine or gold diggers.

Sorry for you loss, your Grandfather must have been quite a chap !!

I agree with everyone else op - don't give him the money! I think my father might be similar. A distant relative once mentioned she'd leave me her estate when she died (god knows why - I have only met her a few times) and my father immediately said I'd have to share it with mr brother and cousins.

Now I have no issue with my brother etc, and she may well leave it all to the cats home, but it was seriously annoying to be told (as an adult) what I'd do with an inheritance. And if it happened I'd never hear the end of it until I'd handed the cash over! So I feel your pain, but think you need to stand your ground.

Agree you need to let him know now to stop banking on getting money from you. If he gets angry cut contact. He sounds nasty.

Personally I would want to err on the generous side then draw a firm line. Unfortunately thanks to his pestering you are needing to draw the line before you even know what you will have which puts you in an awkward position.

How about something like
"Dad you are assuming things so I think I need to make it clear I won't be investing in your business, I think it's best to keep family and business separate. If I'm in a position to make you a small gift once the inheritance comes through I will but you need to not rely on it."

Sorry to hear of the loss of uour grandfather op

Your dad sounds very entitled but this monry was left to you. I wouldn't give any to someone who felt they were owed my money. I would give to people I loved who didn't demand it. He's being horrible pressuring you into talking about it all the time and making plans with your money on the assumption he's getting 10k. I am crap at conflict do Iwould write a letter to say that I was finding it too much and to back off. Not in those words probably but you get the idea.

is he spending more so you will feel obligated to give him money to clear his debts too?

You need to stop evading the subject and say “Dad, I need to be clear. I am not at a sure I will be distributing Gf’s Estate. The money may well need to stay tied up on assets and property in (that country) and I will be taking financial and legal advice about how to best protect the assets for my children. Please do not bank on getting cash. Leaving tne money to your grandchildren will be my priority

This - in writing - now. Apart from anything else how he reacts will tell you how much you mean to him, as opposed to how much it's all about the money. Reading your posts I don't know why anyone would be advising you to give him anything, or to be "generous". But you need to be strong, maybe talk the executor about putting something in writing.

I feel that's what he's doing, he's also been coming to my house a lot more then usual to see my children and this wasn't a normal habit of his before, I would take them up his every Sunday to have a meal and watch a movie as a family thing with grandad

Thanks for all your input guys I'm really grateful, sorry if it is personal but I don't have many family to ask for advice where it won't get back to him

he was helping me with my children for some time helping me take a lot of the burden off, I feel like in a way I owe him for this

He helped you because that's what family do. They don't do it in expectation of financial reward.
Maybe give him some money (you said you were the sort to do that anyway) but make it clear that it is a one-off and the rest is put aside for the DC. Then have a strict script of "if I gave you any more then I would be taking it off the DC. Is that really what you want?"
If you can't be assertive on your own account, at least be assertive on your DCs' behalf.

No worries. Good luck

BTW: It may be better to re-write the will than for you to receive the whole estate and then make gifts out of it. (It also backs up the "this is a one-off" stance).
Take legal / financial advice.

What a shame. These are the problems money brings in a family. Literally tears families apart and causes jealousy, resentment and greed, on ALL sides.

Honestly op, I would think about getting rid of this gift which is actually a curse, and put it to something useful. You were happy before the money right? Was there a charity or something like that your mum or GF would have cared about.

@Astrokitty INHERITANCE TAX ffs! Do NOT commit anything to anyone until you know what the tax bill is going to be!!!

Anything over £325,000 has a standard liability of 40% - this means that you may well have to dispose of an asset (cash savings or a property) very quickly to pay the revenue. The vultures are circling very prematurely over this inheritance.
The other thing I'd say is that people make wills for a ffing reason! If the deceased had wanted all and sundry to have a bite of the pie, they'd have spelled that out in black and white.
Get a very good firm solicitor OP. You need it. Explain to them the pressure that you are under.
With regards to you Dads request. If you want to give him £10k once you've paid the tax bill, then give him £10k. But make it clear that it's a one off gift and you're not interested in being a stakeholder in his tin pot scheme - you don't want returns and you don't want any further requests for funding. Hope this helps op.

By the way, I'm sorry to say your dads a complete idiot if he's spending or borrowing in a risky manner before he's received anything. Make it clear that you will not be held responsible for his debts or bailiffs etc ....in fact i think he's doing everything to prove that he's financially incompetent!

Sorry another tax point. Tax may be payable on cash gifts given by you to friends and family. They (not you) need to check HMRC guidelines on the amount of cash gift they can accept before tax must be paid. They, not you, would need to declare this on an annual tax return.
Just watch that you don't get lumped with the intial large inheritance tax bill (it will be sizeable from what you've outlined) but end up dishing out the actual assets to everyone else OP, otherwise this could end up being a horrible reversal of fortunes.

Sorry about your Grandfather OP. Can I suggest putting any money into a trust for your children?