Sad

[AnotherBloodyNameChange]

I just need to put it somewhere, and don't know where else to say it today.
I feel so achingly, endlessly, dully sad.

My sister killed herself last year. Just sometimes, I can see past the shock, the horror, the waves of panic. But the sad won't shift. Where the hell is she? She can't just be nowhere? It just can't be. It's too sad.

Oh OP, i'm so sorry for your loss. I didn't want to read and run but nor do I know what to actually say other than i'm so sorry. Grief can hit you in many different ways. I lost 3 grandparents in one year; the year I got married. This was 3 years ago and I still wake unexpectedly in the middle of the night with them on my mind and sob... life is bloody cruel but also very beautiful. I don't believe they are 'nowhere' and take comfort in small signs such as a robin or a feather. Totally daft to some people but it helps me cope. My mother went to grief counselling which she's found very beneficial... might be worth looking into, if you haven't already, if ever the sad just feels too much.

Sending you lots of love x

It is my belief that she will be in heaven. A place where there is no pain, no anger, and complete forgiveness for your sins on earth.

My condolences on your loss. I pray that you find peace.

I'm so very sorry

Thank you all for listening, and responding - means a lot

I am so sorry for your devastating loss

The sudden death of a loved one is so much more difficult to process, and that of suicide is even harder for those left behind.
It IS very sad - my condolences.

So sorry for your loss. Have you had any counselling? It may be an idea to see your GP, it is really hard what you are trying to cope with and it will keep hitting you, often when you least expect it. You really deserve some help, to enable you move forward with your life. Wishing you all the best xx

Thank you all for hearing me.

OP i know exactly what you mean. my mum died over a year ago and this nowhere-ness gets me every time. where did she disappear to? my brain and heart can't cope. as much as i'd like to i don't believe in god or an afterlife so i just have to accept she doesn't exist anymore.

also, there's always such a focus on moving on. i thought all this healing would start once she died (she was sick for a while) but i just get sadder and sadder. i'm starting to realise this sadness will never go away.

big hugs xx

She will always be in your heart and that is what matters right now. Be kind on yourself you have experienced a terrible time.

Hope your feeling a little less sad today xx my brother very unexpectedly died last summer from choking he was on his own and it took just til Xmas for the trauma of it all just to sink in. It's the anniversary next month and I'm not sure how I feel but I know he's up there watching over me and my family and that gives me comfort xx

From one of the Forces of Nature documentaries by Brian Cox, I love this thought and find it very comforting:

‘If you take Einstein’s universe at face value – and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t, it’s our best theory of space and time – then this picture of space-time, with events placed within it, suggests something wonderful, and I think quite magical.
‘If I leave a place in space, then it doesn’t cease to exist when I’ve left it, and in space-time, if I leave an event it doesn’t cease to exist when I’ve left it.
‘So, that suggests that all those summers you spent with your mum and dad, or that first Christmas with your grandparents long ago, all those most precious memories of people and places, all those summers and winters past, and seasons yet to come, are out there.
‘Somewhere in space-time.’

That is lovely, Refilona. Like the OP, I have struggled with my DH's sudden death. I am amazed and appalled that there is nothing, though I've not thought otherwise for all my adult life. I do not believe in an afterlife, and neither did my DH, but Brian Cox's interpretation of Einstein is so moving, and still so grounded in science: "our best theory of time and space".

Tip-top.

I like that too, Refilona. A friend of mine who's a physicist has said something similar which I've found comforting.

Wish I could have a peep at these other bits of space-time though. I keep sort of looking for her (in crowds, parks, empty rooms) even though I do realise she's not there. When someone rings from an unknown number, I still genuinely think it's her. Bonkers.

I'm so sorry to everyone else who's struggling.

It's not bonkers. And I hope you feel better soon. Try and do something nice this weekend. X

I hear you too Another

It is too sad. I wish I had some wise words.

Also echo that it is not bonkers to struggle with where they are and look for them, I do this too, even though it's totally illogical. Wishing you strength

The nothingness. And the feeling that the sadness gets worse. Those are the things that keep hitting me now. How can it ever feel better when it's forever?

I don't think the 'foreverness' ever goes away. However, I think its sting is lessened with each year. Ive gradually felt that I'm celebrating the joy of what was rather than mourning the ache of what is no longer.

Thinking of you.

I'm going through grief for different reasons- abusive childhood and going no contact with parents.
I have been stuck with sad for three years so far. There are published stages of grief... bargaining, denial, anger, sad, acceptance. Might not be in that order.
I have had counselling and cbt, which have helped massively. I think you may need counselling as suicide is very hard to process. Anniversaries will be harder and it's normal to feel sad. There are no simple answers to where she is and are based on faith. You need to figure this out because it is a journey only you can do. The struggle is within you. I am so sorry your sister died.

Thanks Shangri.
Sometimes I'm scared if the sting lessens that means I might not remember her so well. I might still be alive in 50 years (if I'm lucky), and will not have seen her in half a century.

Thanks Mrs. Sorry to hear about your grief too.

I might still be alive in 50 years (if I'm lucky), and will not have seen her in half a century

This is very like my own thoughts about my late DH. If I make my mother's years, I'll have lived as long without him as with him.

for us all.

I might still be alive in 50 years (if I'm lucky), and will not have seen her in half a century.

I'm feeling that way about my mum. The most important person in my life for 30 odd years will eventually become just a vague memory.

echt and Very

Nearly 8 months now, and most of the time I still just can't take it in.

I know she is dead. I saw her body. Held her hands. Held her head. But I don't believe it - it's a stupid, ridiculous idea that she isn't around any more. This morning when I remembered it seemed so silly I laughed.

Oh another . I'm so sorry. You're spot on though - it is stupid and ridiculous that good people are taken too soon. It's just crap.

I don't know what else to say really. Have you tried finding comfort in any books - either about grief or about something completely different as a distraction?