Sad

[AnotherBloodyNameChange]

I just need to put it somewhere, and don't know where else to say it today.
I feel so achingly, endlessly, dully sad.

My sister killed herself last year. Just sometimes, I can see past the shock, the horror, the waves of panic. But the sad won't shift. Where the hell is she? She can't just be nowhere? It just can't be. It's too sad.

So sorry for your loss OP. My db died suddenly and unexpectedly in December and everything you are saying rings true. I am coming up for 8 months since he died and still can't actually believe he has gone - it seems too ridiculous to be true. I have also struggled with the "where has he gone" thing as I am an atheist. I wish I could believe in life after death as it may ease the pain a little but I just can't. I think I have been lucky to get to my mid-forties and not have suffered a major bereavement but now it has just hit me how bloody awful it is and that we are going to lose more people in our lives and have to go through this time after time. Sorry not doing much to make it easier for you op

Thanks to Refilona for your post - what a beautiful idea.

Op..Im so very sorry, you must be utterly devasted. I feel the same.

My BF took her own life 8 months ago. I'd known her longer than anyone even my DH.

She's just gone. She isnt 'there' anymore. I cant call her. I cant tell her my secrets anymore. I cant say 'oh my best friend... because I dont have a best friend anymore.

I miss her terribly, so much. My stomach clenches/tightens when I think about her.

I will NEVER get over this

My DM was killed in a car accident last September. She was 69 and returning from holiday so I hadn't seen her in a couple of weeks. Her house was still there, her clothes, her car, everything as she left it. But she'd gone. And because of the accident and subsequent PM I chose not to see her afterwards. It's so so hard, like a bad dream. I lost my DF at 54. Half my lifetime already without him. I hope they're together.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, you're so right when you talk about the nothingness.

It's so shit