Dad committed suicide...it's not fair :(

[GetOrfMyBin]

My dad died on 26th April. He hung himself at home. We've had the funeral and the inquest was thankfully over very quickly.

I'm so angry and sad he is gone. He was 51. Nobody saw it coming, nobody knew he had been depressed. He left two notes and my mum found him. Still don't have all the answers and probably never will. From what we do know he was worrying about something he didn't need to.

It's so fucking unfair. I want to scream and keep screaming. I want to wake up from this and for it to have been a nightmare. I've emailed SOBs and had a reply but I don't know what else to type to them because it would most likely be the same thing over and over again. I can't accept it.

I went back to work yesterday - thankfully I only normally work Monday to Thursday so I've been off today. I found it hard. Spoke to one of my managers and had to kind of pretend I was ok to be back. I don't feel ready to be back, I want to curl up in a ball and hibernate.

Nothing's ever going to be the same again. Having a real low moment today. Doesn't help that I'm a bit congested and it's sent my tinnitus a bit hyper.

How do you start to feel something close to normal again after this? My poor mum is still in a shock I think, she's not let herself process it fully. DH has been good with my and the kids but I'm already panicking at Father's Day coming up, it's going to be awful

Rizlett is spot on.... it won't define you. You just gotta do what makes this bearable for now and get through it...

Hello,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, it's like no other pain describable.
I'm 19 and only in December 2015 I lost my dad to suicide and sadly it never leaves you, it's still some days as raw as the day it happened however this does seem to become less as the time goes on. I found the first year almost numbingly fine as I breezed through to be honest not knowing my own name I was in such a daze. The second year is apparently the hardest and from then on you can begin to heal. It's difficult and so painful because there are no answers and it's almost like no one wants to talk about it, even people you've known for years.
On a better note the anniversaries are never as bad as you expect I've found as you prepare, it's the odd song or the person in the street who has the same hair or smell that really takes you by surprise.
Unfortunately I think we never get over an event like this but I'm sure we will learn to live alongside it.
Hope you're doing ok, sobs is brilliant if you can go to the groups btw.
All the best xx