If you lost a loved one in the last few months, how are you feeling today?

[ElectricMelon]

I lost my mum suddenly on the 11th of October and in general I think am coping okay. I am getting on with life the best I can even though most days I don't even want to get out of bed.

I think about her constantly. Most of the time I feel okay and can put on a brave face but every so often I get this overwhelming sadness and I can't stop crying. Usually it's in bed when I'm on my own and it hits me that I won't even see her again.

It's hard because she was only 49 and I spoke to her on the phone like normal and twenty minutes later she was gone. Just like that and they never found a cause.

Today I feel a bit tearful and keep remembering little things she said to me and how we used to cry with laughter together. I just want to phone her up and have a chat and a moan like we used to.

It's Dd's birthday next weekend which I am looking forward to but also dreading. It's going to be hard without her here.

How are others feeling today?

I had little cry today writing Christmas cards. Some of them were my first response to kind letters of condolence, so re-reading the condolences was so moving.

What I've found hard to deal with, in the sense of is the assumption that Christmas will be awful for me, e.g. a casual acquaintance:

CA: So, will your Christmas be you and DD looking sadly across the table?
ME: No, it will be nice, just as it always is.

The same thing happened with another CA:
ME: I'm going to a colleague's partner's funeral next week.
CA: Do you really think you should? So soon?
ME: (thinks) But he'll have gone off a treat if I leave it.

Same person:

ME: Thinking of going to see "The Light Between Oceans"
CA: Do you think you should? It's very sad.

The clue is the person being a casual acquaintance. They don't know me, yet proffer opinions. I don't know them, so nod and smile. There's no relationship where you can tell them to wind their neck in and still repair any consequential huff and harrumph.

My hugs to everyone also.
I'm just coming back to say what I'm finding difficult is flashbacks of horrible things (particularly one) that DF went through in hospital, I don't want to go into detail, it was truly awful, and the thought that he had the same episodes alone which I know was terrifying for him.
I'm also beyond sad and torn for my poor DM - they were married nearly sixty years. She's really struggling but trying so hard to put a brave face in things.
As I said before, I will go through the motions for Christmas, but my heart really isn't in it.

Thanks for starting this thread, it helps to see where other people are at the different points of the grief process. I'm so sorry for everyone's losses.

My husband died very suddenly and unexpectedly at the end of August, he was only 32 and we have a 4 year old son.

Today has been ok, I've decided to go back to work after the Christmas holidays so that has to be a positive.
However, at the moment, I'm in complete denial that this has happened. I keep thinking I'm going to feel sad but then my brain takes over and says, 'it's ok, this hasn't happened, he'll be home soon'.

I keep going to pick things up in shops to buy him for Christmas. It is extremely difficult to hold it together in those moments.

I posted this in the wrong thread earlier.

Since my DH died suddenly nearly six months ago, I find that all my worst inherent characteristics have become exaggerated: I'm always within an ace of anger, jump to uncharitable conclusions, fear the worst, catastrophise, worry, worry, worry about money.

Separately, I've started to sigh again and a bit of trudging comes on at times, all classic grieving, I know.

Everyone says I'm doing so well.

I can't remember the last time someone asked me how I was feeling about my DH's death.

I'm feeling despair today, the thing I seem to be struggling with at the moment is the permanence of this.
I miss my husband so much, not the major things but in-jokes, being silly and laughing together. He used to play with my hair all the time and I miss that comfort, daft as it is.
I just can't believe that I don't get to laugh with him anymore.
We were in an absolutely awful place just before this happened and I feel like I've fallen in love with him all over again since he died and this makes it even harder.

Desperately sad.
I lost my son in August.
I hate Sundays. He died on a Sunday and 2 police came to the door to tell us.
I miss him every single day.
I cry almost all the time but try to hide it.

I miss my husband so much, not the major things but in-jokes, being silly and laughing together. He used to play with my hair all the time and I miss that comfort, daft as it is. I just can't believe that I don't get to laugh with him anymore.

This.

I was at an art exhibition yesterday and kept wanting to say something to my DH. Also miss listening to The Archers with him and roaring at the unintended double entendres. Yep, the laughs. Not many of those now, and not because I'm sad, but I simply don't know anyone on that wavelength.

echt
It's so hard isn't it?
If I ever mention it people keep telling me I'll meet someone else, I don't want anyone else. At all. Ever.
It's that intimacy, not the rude stuff, but the built up over time, personal, just us things.

endof
I'm so sorry for your loss. Hiding the tears is so hard and painful.

Iht222, no-one's suggested I'll meet someone else yet, possibly because it's only eight months since my DH died, more likely because I'm not asked how I feel, though the answer would be not now thank you so much.

You're so spot-on about the the us things.

echt
I'm glad about that, it's less than 6 months since my husband died and it's often the first thing people say to me. I know it's because they think it's helpful but even when I say it's not they still say it.
How are you feeling at the moment?
People have stopped asking me so much now, I think it's probably because I've become really good at faking being fine.

Gosh Iht22, I'm no devotee of the "decent interval", but to suggest it to a newly-widowed person is tactless. The bereaved is the only one to set the agenda here. Now I think of it, I possibly don't get such helpful comments because I'm 62 and therefore a withered hag with no chance of a second spring protected from such impositions.:o

It's 3 months today since DD died and I don't feel as though I have grieved properly yet. In the last month I have been keeping quite busy with various jobs and DH is acting like its just business as usual. DD was a huge part of my life as I was her carer as well as her mum. When DF died I was so busy that I soldiered on until 5 months later when I 'crashed'. I guess I'm waiting for that to happen all over again. I miss DD every day. Her photos are all around the house but I don't seem to be crying for her loss - except when I started typing this. Maybe I need to go for Counselling to talk things over - DH has never been one for talking so maybe I'm bottling everything up and trying to put a brave face on it all.

echt Yep, it proved quite a shock when I realised that people just kept saying it! I'm in my early 30s so I know I'm not exactly over the hill (neither are you, by the way!) but it's like people can't understand that I'm happily done now. I'm not sad about that, just my husband was the one for me.

blue I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Definitely look into counselling if you think it will help.
I have a notebook where I write things down when I'm feeling them, that made massive difference for me so if writing on here helps you could consider that too?

My partner died on Christmas eve. He was my best friend, We'd known each other since the age of 11 he was the first person I ever kissed. He was a beautiful person inside and out. We had a Son who died at 11 days old and We had a beautiful daughter together who's 7. I try to get through each day I go to work, college and keep busy with our daughter but the agony inside is unbearable. I miss him so much.

May I add to this thread? My husband die suddenly four weeks ago today. He was only 36 and left behind two boys aged three and five. As Iht22 said, its the permanence. We had been together 17 years and we were just daft together, always laughing. Always texted or phoned each other during the day. He was the first person I'd tell anything too - the person I'd tell random observations to. I never thought I could miss someone so much that it physically hurts. But I get up each day and carry on because I have two amazing children and because, there is no other option. I just wish he was here.

For those who have lost children, I can't begin to imagine how horrendous it must be. I only know how awful I am feeling and that it must be intensified so much for you. You are all in my thoughts.

for everyone. My nephew was killed in a car accident in mid January. He was 22 with a young family of his own. I cry every time I think about him. I am so angry that I want to scream and punch someone. Although we've been told that his death would've been instant, I torture myself with the thought that he was scared, alone and in immeasurable pain before he died. Every time I picture him my stomach turns because I cannot get my head around him not being here. I saw him at the funeral directors. He looked so beautiful. Just a cut to his forehead. I have developed an irrational hatred for the make and model of car he was driving for not being safer, and an irrational hatred for the make and model of the other car that was involved, of which the drIver escaped without injury. And after I feel all that, which is all day everyday, I feel pathetic as he was 'only' my nephew so I have no right to feel like that and then my heart breaks all over again for my sister and his father. Rinse and repeat. I don't know how to not feel like this every day. Sorry. That was a bit of a emotional brain dump. My darling beautiful boy. Life is fucking cruel sometimes. X

Oh OrangeBird, he wasn't "just" your nephew - he was someone you loved and cared about, it doesn't matter how you are related to him. My husband was a GP and the hurt and distress in letters that I have received from his patients is quite humbling. He was my husband, but his parents, friends, colleagues and patients will all grieve and have as much right to grieve in anyway and for how long they want because he'd have meant so much to them. The same for you and your nephew.

Sending you a huge hug and wishing you, and everyone else on this thread, the strength to carry on and live life. I know that's what my husband would want me to do. But you're right - life is so very cruel at times.

Thank you mouse. The grief is just beyond comprehension. I have a toddler ds and I can't imagine 😢

I lost my dbro to suicide in September. I am like you, one minute I'm coping fine, the next I am a mess when reality hits me again. I often think about things too. Just recently I have been dreaming about him and waking up in tears. It was his birthday last week so that was tough. He would have turned 33. So yeah what is happening to you is fairly normal. Horrible though. So sorry about your mum.

I nearly lost it in IKEA today, and not just because of the Las Vegas-style layout that takes you everywhere except where you want to go. I went straight to the hall where it all starts with the kitchen stuff.

This was always the place DH would ponder the need for another spatula; he did all the cooking so had dibs on any kitchen purchases. There was some pleasantly retro music playing (George Michael, I think) and I was weeping in no time. Later I was in a supermarket looking for harissa of all things, and "Wonderwall" was playing. It's not a song of our time together, but I found it unbearably touching and was singing aloud when I caught the eye of some whippersnapper, also singing along.

My DH loved music, and now I think of it, I avoid it bit because it is so evocative of him (now remembering I was singing along to Nick Cave's "The Ship Song" last night in a club. Maybe I'll bet the music back in a good way).

I'm already on the lost a parent thread but thought I'd poke my head in here, too.

I'm 23, at Uni and have a 1 yo DD. My dad, aged 53, died suddenly of a cardiac arrest at the end of January. He was in the ICU for 5 days but in the end we turned the life support off and he died holding my hand. We were very very very close and it was awful.

Now I'm going through a rocky patch with OH and thinking that, if I were to break up with him, the only support I have is my mum. I do have aunts, uncles, cousins and one grandparent left but we are mostly NC and not close. In terms of my immediate family, it was just me my mum and my dad and now its just me and my mum.

I lost my younger sister in January. She was 14, just over a week away from her 15th birthday. She was diagnosed with leukemia at 10, was given the all clear at 13, then had a relapse at 14, the week before Christmas 2016. She developed sepsis whilst having chemo in hospital and passed away on the 11th January.

She was so loved by everyone. Our whole town knew her or knew of her. It still feels like there's a huge hole in my heart. I feel pain for me, for my children losing their favourite auntie, for my dad losing his daughter, her mum (we had different mums) losing her, I feel pain for her whole family. I can't imagine ever feeling any better. I suffer with depression, have been suicidal before and it was nothing compared to this.

I know time will help and heal us all, but it's so hard to get through every day. There's nothing I wouldn't do to bring her back.

mouse12

Just want to extend some love to everyone on this thread, posting and reading for support.
OP thank you again for starting it, it really helps me to have somewhere to check in every now and then, without judgment, sympathetic head tilts and other such unhelpful stuff.

Today I hurt for the opportunities lost and as always, it's the permanence.
Today, I really want to celebrate Scotland's incredible triumph in the six nations with my husband. It's daft to want to celebrate 4th place (equal 2nd really) but if anyone here is a Scotland rugby fan, you'll understand how unprecedented this is! We used to go to Murrayfield with my family to watch the six nations every year and we've never done as well as we did this year and he's not here to see it. It's daft, really daft but I want to share it with him.

My brother died in February, he was found by a member of the public so we were told by the police. I feel like I'll never be the same again, the funeral was tough but full of support and now I just feel like I'm floundering around on my own. Please tell me this gets better. I have friends and family that are amazing, why does it hurt so much? He was lovely, we don't deserve this. No one does.