Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

I know exactly what you mean about not feeling much - my main feeling is absolutely relief that mum is no longer suffering; the sadness left me fairly quickly. More than anything at the moment I'm so relieved I'm not waiting for That Phonecall. That awful moment has been and gone and I'm no longer leaping out my skin each time the phone rings. And there is something to be said for that. I'm so relieved mum is no longer suffering so terribly. It was truly hell watching her die. We also all noticed the moment her spirit left her body as a cupboard door in the room burst open and none of us could explain why that would happen. And knowing her spirit is free also gives great solace. Having said all this, I expect the next wave of grief is just around the corner and I'll be back to square 1 soon.

Hello my three nights. I try to follow my mums advice about taking each day at a time. When the worry and sadness creeps in for the future I just focus on getting through this day and time really is a great healer although the pain of loosing your mum is never going to go completely x

Dear all, I posted last week worrying about speaking at my beloved dad's funeral today and received some sound advice. Thanks. Just to say I have done it and am so pleased that I did. I managed to get through it just fine. Now I feel completely wiped out and need and mind numbing telly for a while. Love to all going through this.

Greentea

Thanks Lweji Oh, and will I ever feel 'normal' again? My head is full of scribble.

Good question. Considering the chats I've had with RL friends recently, it never heals completely.

So far, work and TV seem to work. Housework doesn't help.
It's weird meeting people who didn't know or aren't close enough to tell about it. Not sure if I should say all is fine or tell them about it.
The memories intrude in most things.
The family is getting together for my birthday at the weekend and I think it will be hard but necessary. I don't have the courage to book a restaurant, so we'll do something at home.
It will be good that children will be here.

Lweji I have just realised your loss is more recent than mine.
Thanks for your support.

Hello greentea lweji and knights
All or circumstances are probably very different , but when it comes to it, we all have the same mixed up feelings.
Greentea, I am so glad that you managed to speak as you wanted to and glad that your worries about it dispersed.
Knights, I can understand your worry every time the phone used to ring, and the relief you feel now that it's not the same situation. I think the grief comes in waves, but some days it's easier to cope with than others.
Lweji, I agree with your RL friends, I don't think you ever truly recover, we will always feel the loss and miss our mum / dad dearly, but we still have to live our lives, which has now changed forever . I am sure that at some point, be it a bit of music, a tv programme, it will remind us all over again and for a while we will feel the sadness once more.
I am 4 yrs on and seeing Andrew ruie ( sp) on tele upsets me, my mum loved him and one of her highlights was my sister taking her to see him and he waved to her ! So for me that's one thing.
Take care of yourselves and think of the happier times when you can

3 years today
Love you dad
Miss you
X

Thinking of you badvoc, I too remember that day very well

Thank you lin.
What a huge help you were to me X
To all those on here

I am now feeling guilty that I am relieved of all the worry about my dad. Is this normal? I can't believe I won't see him again.

Yes I think that what you are feeling is quite normal, gradually though you will feel the sense of loss, which also is normal. It's the relief of no more suffering, not relief that your dear dad has died, two completely different emotions. It's very tough in the beginning and a very emotional time. There are all sorts of emotions to get through this, the relief of no more pain, the utter heartbreak when the realisation of the loss hits you, the sometimes anger at them for leaving you, trying to imagine the way forward without them. This is all normal. You will get through this in your own time but it's a gradual process and one that can't be rushed.

Thank you. It feels strange to be no one's daughter any more. And my dcs aren't anyone's grandsons.

I feel like that greenteandchives

My dad died 5 months ago - I was with him when he died and it feels like yesterday, I can remember it all. I feel worse now than I did a month afterwards. We've moved house and I'm very sad that he will now never see where I live IYSWIM. He was also my number one fan, and it's hard not having that voice always "bigging me up". Tough times at the moment. to all.

Hello Avon. It's odd the way our minds work isn't it, I also feel like I lost my mum only recently but in fact it's now over 4 years. I find myself going over everything that happened on that day.
But for you it's really not that long ago and it takes a while to settle down to having your life without that person in it. It's never the same, and we will always miss them but very slowly the initial heartache does subside, and our life continues. I think all the emotions are part of the grieving process and it's something that sadly we can't avoid. I hope you have support in RL as this can help such a lot. Unfortunately there are also people who think we should of " got over it " in a matter of weeks, when we all know this isn't the case at all.

My mum died this evening. Ovarian cancer. I'm going to have to tell my DD in the morning. Think that's going to be the hardest thing of all of this

So sorry to hear this knuts I hope you were able to spend a lot of time with her in the past few days. I am sure you must feel overwhelmed at the moment. How old is your dd ? It's a tough thing to have to tell her.

We were at the hospital the past couple of weeks. She went very fast in the end which, if she was going to go, was a blessing for her. And us too probably. She'd only gotten the all clear back in May after months of chemo and operations. But of course; she wasn't all clear as it turned out. Bastard cancer was everywhere in the end. Growing so fast they couldn't stop it. She's not even a year from diagnosis to dying.
My DD is 6yo. She knew her grandma was sick but how do you prepare her for this you know?
Children are resilient, I know they are. I'm just dreading it.
I took a sleeping pill but still only managed 3 hours sleep. It's going to be a long couple of days.

I think there are books which help to explain to a young child. Hopefully someone who has done this will be able to help you with that. Ovarian cancer is so awful, as indeed is any cancer, but so many people don't even know they have it until it's too late.
Sorry you didn't get much sleep, it is important to look after yourself at thus time, very easy to let things slide and for meals to be missed etc.
If the sleepless nights continue maybe you can go and see your doc, or if you don't want to go down that road try some nytal to see if that helps.

Knuts...so sorry
I used "badgers parting gift" and Michael rosens "sad book" with ds2

When dinosaurs die is a good one to explain it as well. Children are a lot more robust then adults my son told me he was going to get a helicopter with Fireman Sam to fetch her from heaven. He dosn't talk about her any more he just accepts it.

Just popping by to day hi to all in the thread and lurking and who have been here.

Think of you all often. It's been a rocky road here with my 15 year old with social anxiety so school has been a challenge on and off. She got moved away from her friends in year because of options and she knew no one. She had terrible teacher which made her worse. Were at a lighter stage now she seems to be more confident and positive.

5 years on and I miss my mum loads. I know that warm blanket comes round me when I need her and I get that huge sense of it's all going to be alright but still miss her to 'talk' with.
Hi to biscuits ssd mumma Badvoc and anyone who I missed that makes this lovely little family including people I didn't know.
Hope your days get a little easier. Be kind to yourself. Cry shout talk. Delegate it's so very hard. See people who understand and care.
If really bad them phone cruse the bereavement help line which helped me with 3 sessions.

Hugs to you all. Xx

Hello T
Good to "see" you
X