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Original poster

Anyone around? Not strong right now

78 replies

foundintranslation · 29/09/2006 23:30

(And not entirely sober, either. But that's by the by)

I am very optimistic, really, usually, but I can't be strong and optimistic all the time. What if I can't get pg again? What if I get pg again and miscarry again? And again? What if there really is an underlying problem?

I haven't really had time to feel the full sadness about this that is going on under the surface. My life demands a lot of me atm. Keeping it together is important.

I'm not sleeping well - there are a lot of fears. Fear that something will happen to ds, that something will happen to us. I wish I knew what it was like to have a mother who would support me through all of this. What is it like?

OP posts:
CaptainCavemansMummy · 29/09/2006 23:34

am not sure what it feels like to have supportive parent(s).
However, have you got anyone you can talk to? friend/gp/hv/other?
Am sure there are loads of mners who can give you details of more specific help!

marthamoo · 29/09/2006 23:38

Oh fit. I'm sorry Life is a never ending sequence of 'what ifs'...there are no easy answers to your questions. Just an understanding of why you're asking them.

I'm too tiddly to be of much help - but I'm listening.

(((hugs)))

Original poster
foundintranslation · 29/09/2006 23:39

Thanks CCM. Sorry your parents are not supportive.
I do have great friends. It's just somehow (v v difficult to put my finger on it) it's not needing to seem strong, it's not not wanting to burden them, it's just somehow my need to be pulled together and coping etc. etc. which makes it difficult to talk about it.
I am really scared of being bitter and bemoaning my lot in life... really I have nothing to bemoan. My mother was enormously bitter. I don't want to do down that route. But what else is there to think about 2 mc in 2 cycles other than 'It's not fair'!?

OP posts:
Thomcat · 29/09/2006 23:40

Oh sweetie
Am too tiddly too and probablu no use anyway, just wanted to coem and give you a virtu

CalifornifamousFanjo · 29/09/2006 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
foundintranslation · 29/09/2006 23:41

martha (tiddly here too)
x posts - what ifs, yes. The what ifs have been creeping in ove the last couple of days - working out how many weeks I'd be now and so on. What started me off tonight is reading that the singer of a band I really like (quite big over here, unheard of in UK) is pg, due in Dec. I identify very much with a lot of their music and so it was almost like hearing about someone I 'know' being pg. And I just felt really gutted for myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
foundintranslation · 29/09/2006 23:42

I keep crossing posts with people. Thank you all, it is good to talk, let it out a bit.

OP posts:
Thomcat · 29/09/2006 23:43

more >>>>

Original poster
foundintranslation · 29/09/2006 23:44

It was a CD of theirs we listened to while I was having ds and just after...
melodramatic, I know - but I don't think I can bear it if I never have that experience again. Being pg, giving birth, starting to bf. So many things I wanted to do differently second time round, enjoy them more, use the knowledge I gained first time. And if it never happens?

OP posts:
marthamoo · 29/09/2006 23:45

You've been through a lot more than me, fit - but the 6th anniversary of my miscarriage was last week...and you don't forget, not ever. And I don't think it's at all unreasonable to ask why me, I really don't. You find a way to incorporate it into your life - who you are now...but you don't forget.

Original poster
foundintranslation · 29/09/2006 23:47

I'm sorry you've been through it too martha.
I know, my birthday is always a little strange because the due date of my first mc pregnancy was around my birthday. When it came around first time I was already 27 weeks with ds, but there was still something 'lingering' around the day.

OP posts:
Thomcat · 29/09/2006 23:48

When I had Lottie I was told I would never have children that didn't hae DS. (Lottie is translocation DS). I wa devestated, then I started to think about other options and thought, 'fuck it, nothing is coming between me and having more kids'. Then we discovered Lottie is a fluke translocation, the reswt is history.

marthamoo · 29/09/2006 23:48

Oooh, now it's getting spooky. It's my birthday on Monday - 6 years ago it was the day I went for a scan to confirm my miscarriage

milward · 29/09/2006 23:49

Sorry you're going through this xxx

I had a miscarriage & it was a terrible time. I wanted to be preg so much but everyone kept saying well at least you've already got a kid. Give yourself the time to be upset, take care of yourself xxx

marthamoo · 29/09/2006 23:49

TC's right - you don't give up hope.

Original poster
foundintranslation · 29/09/2006 23:50

thanks TC. I know, I just have to find that optimism again, that trust in my body that has actually quite astonished me over the last few weeks. I have really felt certain I will get pg and have a 'take-home baby', as Lesley Regan calls it, again. I'm just having a staring-into-the-abyss moment tonight, I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
foundintranslation · 29/09/2006 23:50

mm

OP posts:
marthamoo · 29/09/2006 23:54

You're allowed, fit. I'd be astonished if you didn't feel like that.

Thomcat · 29/09/2006 23:54

FIT - so wish these hugs could be real ones right now.

That optimism - it'll come, doesn't have to be there right now, no rush, might nort be needed, but just know, that when you are ready and finished feeling shit, it's not all black & white, TC xx

Original poster
foundintranslation · 29/09/2006 23:57

Thank you.
It is so very hard, though, I find, to stay in the bad moments and accept them. I'm bad at grieving. I have an urge to get up and on - possibly because it's the way I got through an often pretty hairy adolescence. I think I probably have to go through it though.

OP posts:
gingernut · 29/09/2006 23:57

FIT, sorry you're feeling so low. No-one can give you any answers but the worries you have are totally normal IME. And you have bad days along with the better ones.

MM, I'm coming up to the 6th anniversary of my m/c too (end of next month). A friend told me this week that she is pg, due around the due date of the one I miscarried, and I still felt a pang. You never forget.

Sorry, I am tipsy too and rambling. Hope you sleep better tonight FIT.

marthamoo · 30/09/2006 00:00

Are any of us not tipsy ?

Thomcat · 30/09/2006 00:01

Oh I don't do long periods of negativity either. But when big stuff happens you're kinda forced to. You're gonna be ok hon', you're gonna be fine.

Thomcat · 30/09/2006 00:02
Sobernow · 30/09/2006 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.