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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My beautiful daughter has gone

620 replies

cathpip · 10/04/2014 09:17

Pippa passed away in the early hours of this morning after a viral infection led to blood poisoning, she was 3 years old. Her and her big brother were so excited as 10 days ago I had a baby. I am so utterly lost and heartbroken.

OP posts:
Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 17/06/2014 22:11

Cathpip - I know that you're getting support from friends. neighbours and family but are you getting professional support??

Please consider seeing your GP for some medication to help you through. Also you may want to consider counselling - talking things through and rationalising events may help to take those haunting images away.

At the moment life is beyond shit for you but try to focus on taking things an hour at a time. Plan the next hour and, when that one is over, look ahead towards the next one.

I hope that you and DH are sharing the pain and not trying to protect each other from your feelings - hug each other and cry together, talk about Pippa and take whatever help and support is out there.

((HUGS))xx

Back2Two · 17/06/2014 22:18

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This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

NorksEnormous · 17/06/2014 22:20

So very sorry for your loss

Original poster
cathpip · 03/07/2014 20:40

Pippas bench is now resident at the play park, it looks lovely and the fact that half the village helped to purchase it makes it even more special, I know it will be appreciated by weary parents and it's just in time for le tour which comes through the village on Saturday.
I had an utter panic yesterday as my oldest son came out of school with a very high temp and very distressed, a trip to a and e followed where the staff were lovely and saw me straight away, he is now fine after a night in our bed. I so do not want to become one of those over protective mothers who runs to the drs at every illness, but his high temp frightened me so much, and the temp was Pippas first symptom...
Elliott continues to grow, far too quickly for my liking, he spent his first night in his own room last night, I'm not sure I like it. He is also unbelievably like his sister, all three are very similar but Elliott is the spitting image of Pippa and it's not just me that has noticed, he is such a happy baby always smiling and Aubrey loves cuddling him (and showing him how to play lego marvel on the wii).
The days pass but the hole in our lives seems to be getting bigger, every family activity reminds us of what we have lost and the deeper realisation that this is not a dream but our new reality. I am off to the drs to try and get fast tracked for counselling, at the moment there is a 12 week waiting list when I self referred, but my auto pilot is slowly stopping.

OP posts:
Jenijena · 07/07/2014 20:14

I hope Pippa's bench supports many weary bottoms. And that the counselling referral comes through faster than twelve weeks.

Original poster
cathpip · 18/07/2014 20:06

Pippas post mortum report has finally come through. Cause of death was an aggressive strep A infection that led to pneumonia and her body eventually succumbed to blood poisoning. I feel relief that we are finally able to register her death and no inquest is needed but sadness in knowing that our never ill ever daughter came down with such an aggressive strep A infection that the drs had no chance of saving her...... in the two weeks after her death another child and a healthy adult also passed away from the same infection, but there are no connections anywhere in the deaths. Christ I miss her sooo much and I know that my heart will ache for the rest of my lifetime.

OP posts:
JamsetjeeBomanjee · 18/07/2014 21:14

Thanks. What a sad thread. I'm so sorry to hear about your DD. My thoughts are with you and your family.

skislope · 18/07/2014 21:19

God love you x

saintlyjimjams · 18/07/2014 21:19

I'm so sorry. :( A friend lost a child in similar circumstances. 10 years later I think about him often. She won't be forgotten by those who knew her.

WellWhoKnew · 18/07/2014 21:26

Cathpip, I've read your thread and didn't want to leave it without a comment. It is truly sad. You loved your child. Your child loved you. It is very cruel that you have been parted.

All the best.

LemonBreeland · 18/07/2014 21:45

I have just read the whole thread and my heart is breaking for you and your family Cathpip.

I am so truly sorry for your loss.

Original poster
cathpip · 03/08/2014 18:21

I don't know how to handle this, we have just started our summer holiday and it's at a place were Pippa would have been in her element. My dh has started counselling and now feels he needs to tell me that he is not looking forward to this holiday as he would rather be being busy at work, Pippa was his favourite dc and he never thought he would have a girl, so he is grieving more than me because she was a daddies girl! Oh and life is not wrong it's utterly pointless as far as he is concerned....... I have said that it's not pointless he still has us, also Pippa was my only dd too and thanks for wanting to spend time with us. But after he said that he has never seen me cry since the funeral, I am starting to get concerned and wonder if he is getting depressed? he also gets cross quite quickly with our eldest. And the quick short cool and calm one liners in front of not only friends but strangers too are humiliating and not necessary. They are getting me down, he says it's only a joke and taking the mick, I have pulled him on them but to no avail so far. My heart is broken and it will never heal, he knows this but we have 2 other dc who I do not wish to see me continuously in tears, they deserve a happy childhood, my tears only come overnight when everyone else is asleep... And now they are for our family unit as well as for Pippa.
Sorry very lost at the moment.

OP posts:
Noforasking · 04/08/2014 07:29

I'm so sorry for you. Not much I can say. How your dh can say it's worse for him when you've had your heart ripped out I can't imagine. He is obviously wanting to make everyone feel as desperate as he does.
You are so right though, you have two beautiful boys who need as normal and happy a life as possible. It's not about him it's about them. They are your mission in life now.
I had an aunt who always said, you think you've married an oak tree until all is not well, you then find you've married a weeping willow.
So sorry about little Pippa. I hope your boys give you strength.

Northernlurker · 04/08/2014 07:49

Just try and hang in there Cathpip. You and your dh are deep in grief atm and you're handling it differently which is hard because part of grief is anger and that anger is flaring against both of you. He is angry with you because you are trying to function and you are angry with him because he is giving way.
I think it's just a case of keeping going and waiting for both of you to find a new equilibrium. You're right to pull him up when he says things that are cruel and yes tell him that you are crying plenty. With regard to him saying life is pointless without you - well yes he has all of you and I think he values that more than he can express. He lost one child, he knows how that feels. I am sure that he can't even begin for one minute to think about how awful it would be to lose more of you - so he pushes that away and a side effect of that is that he dismisses everything else and everybody else as pointless - because if it's pointless then he can't be hurt again can he? Do you see what I mean? Him saying that is a symptom of his grief and it's very, very early days for you both. Just hang on. Will be thinking of you.

Mumtobenovember · 14/08/2014 20:56

Sending love can't imagine what you are going through here if you need to talk xxxxxxx

puppykidsX3 · 14/08/2014 21:13

I'm so so sorry. I hope you are getting lots of help. I can't imagine how you must be feeling Thanks Brew Brew

bottlecat · 14/08/2014 21:19

I'm so very sorry Flowers

Lolly86 · 14/08/2014 21:30

So so sorry for your loss x

DifferentNow · 14/08/2014 22:16

One foot in front of another cathpip. Wishing your family peace and strength for these hardest of times.

justanotherbiscuit · 15/08/2014 13:21

Op I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. Im sorry if I have missed anyone who may have mentioned this before. But there is a wonderful charity called Brightest star who support bereaved parents.

it was set up by a Mum who lost her little boy suddenly to a virus nearly 2 years ago.

Again sorry if anyone has mentioned brightest star before or if it is not what you want to look at at the moment.

I can only say words to hope you and your darling familys pain eases a bit for you.

BreakingBuddhist · 15/08/2014 13:27

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
cathpip · 16/08/2014 05:57

We are coming to the end of our two week holiday, my dh has realised after spending the time with me that I am not coping or sleeping, just functioning to get through another day. I'm glad he's noticed to be honest.
It's the silly things that I notice now, sometimes I just want to scream at people so they know just how lucky they are, a spilt drink in a restaurant, or unfinished plate of food is in the grand scheme of things really not that important......

OP posts:
millymae · 18/08/2014 08:29

Only just seen your post cathpip - having a daughter myself who is moreorless the same age as Pippa was when she died there aren't many days that pass when I don't think about you and your family. I'm not surprised that you are only just functioning to get through the day, there must be a gaping hole in your life and there can't be a single moment when she's not missed.

I can well understand where you are coming from when you say that you feel like screaming sometimes because some of the things you see going on around you are just not important in the grand scheme of things. I definitely try harder now not to get so worked up after my mum gently pointed out to me one day when I was fussing about the house being like a tip with all the toys that my granny who lost a toddler son in a tragic accident would turn in her grave if she heard me getting cross about something that really wasn't worth getting stressed about. I didn't particularly like being told I was fussing over nothing but she was right. Sometimes we should just take a deep breath, count our blessings and be grateful that our children are still here with us. There are many who aren't so lucky.

lu9months · 20/08/2014 22:01

Cathpip I am so, so sorry to hear of your terrible loss. I can't imagine what you are feeling. My husband is terminally ill, and the things I find get me through the day are just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, looking straight ahead and just keep breathing in and out . You must be drowning in grief and I think that's all you can do . It's very natural for you and your dh to pull away from each other but all you can do is try and keep the lines of communication open . I am thinking of you and your beautiful little girl. Keep reaching out to people and let people know what practical help you need . Xx

cabbagedinner · 20/08/2014 22:03

So sorry for you and your family