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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My beautiful son

999 replies

minmooch · 26/02/2014 17:13

After nearly two and a half years of a fight with cancer my beautiful 18 year old son passed away this morning at 11:20 am.

I am humbled by his strength and humour that he has shown throughout his short life.

OP posts:
Baddz · 30/07/2015 19:32

Oh min :(
I wish I could reach out to hold you.
Words on a screen are just not enough.
I am thinking of you and of Will xxxxx

DaftVader36 · 30/07/2015 19:38

I hope someone in real life knows how you feel, and that someone is taking care of you.

I remember someone once saying how someone they knew had never gotten over the death of someone close to them. And it's such an odd thing to say, because I don't think you ever can, really.

You're in my prayers, for what they are worth xx

NatGeo · 30/07/2015 19:38

Oh min Sad
Oh min Sad
is there anyone with you?

loveliesbleeding1 · 30/07/2015 19:44

min,I don't know what to say,except I'm thinking of you.

Original poster
minmooch · 30/07/2015 20:08

I'm on my own. Lonely as fuck. Sad, sad, sad. So terribly sad. No one to take care of me. I'm strong to the outside world. I'm dying inside.

OP posts:
Baddz · 30/07/2015 20:16

Min...is there no one you can call on?
I hate to think of you all on your own my love...

Original poster
minmooch · 30/07/2015 20:19

I'm used to it Baddz. Just some days are harder to cope with it all. I'm tired, tired, tired. Of all aspects of it. I just don't have the strength today.

OP posts:
Original poster
minmooch · 30/07/2015 20:22

My mum died in April. I miss her too. I sat with her whilst she fought her own battle with cancer. It's all been too much. Much too much.

OP posts:
NatGeo · 30/07/2015 20:22

So sorry you're alone, but know you're in our minds here if thats any comfort.
Will remember in prayer tonight. I pray the pain gets easier. Can you say whereabout you are? I'm not sure if MN rules allow people to talk on phone, anyone?

Baddz · 30/07/2015 20:24

I just don't know what to say, min.
I know there is nothing I can say, but I wish I could come up with more than platitudes :(
I often think of Will when I go and visit my dads grave....I wonder how you are, and how you are coping.
Prayers aren't much, but mine are with you xxxx

Baddz · 30/07/2015 20:28

Bereavement upon bereavement is horrendous.
The past 2 years have been dreadful for my own family so I know how exhausted, both in body and mind it can make you.
How horrific for you to have to sit with your mum as you sat with Will...I can't imagine.

loveliesbleeding1 · 30/07/2015 20:30

I just lost my 'mum' in may,my most beloved grandma who I lived with when i was little and i adored,the pain stops me in my tracks sometimes, I havent lost a child, and I cant imagine what strength you must have inside you to have come this far min.

Original poster
minmooch · 30/07/2015 20:36

Just to know that I am being heard helps. Sounds melodramatic. But I need to say it how bad it all is. I am strong. I have to be for my other son. I'm tired of being strong though. Tired, tired, tired. Have I mentioned how tired I am? .

OP posts:
5YearsTime · 30/07/2015 20:40

I hear you. There is nothing I can say to try and make it better but I hope that the pain lessens in time and that you are somehow able to focus on some happiness and that you have your other child to bring brightness in to your life.

I nearly lost my child this year at birth. I sometimes feel like I've been hollowed out with a spoon. I've never been so empty and scared. We were beyond lucky not to and I am so thankful. I had a tiny peek in to that particular feeling and I can only sympathise.

loveliesbleeding1 · 30/07/2015 20:47

Yes, you are being heard and I am sending that many virtual hugs, my arms ache.No one can be strong all the time, as mums we try to be, but everyone has a breaking point.
Again just words on a screen, but I really mean them.

thornrose · 30/07/2015 20:53

I followed your threads about your darling son. I always felt like an imposter but the way you wrote about him touched me in ways I can't describe.

My dear friend lost her son many years ago and I think reading your story made me understand her grief in a much deeper way.

I can't help you but I hear you and and I hear your pain and I'm just so sorry. Flowers

LilyTheSavage · 30/07/2015 20:54

We hear you. We hold your hand and hold you tight.

Sending love.

Original poster
minmooch · 30/07/2015 20:55

Thank you everyone. I'm crying now but that's because you are being lovely. Loveliness brings on the tears!

OP posts:
DaftVader36 · 30/07/2015 20:57

I understand needing to be strong for Alex, but the chances are that he realises you are struggling. If you don't already have someone whose shoulder you can wail on, then go and ask your GP to get someone for you. Virtual support is great, but you need and deserve more than that. Xxx

Original poster
minmooch · 30/07/2015 20:59

My darling Lily. Our boys must have found one another. I imagine them rolling their eyes at us

OP posts:
nooddsocksforme · 30/07/2015 21:01

i have 2 boys and i couldnt begin to think of the pain it would cause me to lose one of them . dont know what to say other than I am so so sorry for your loss. it sounds inadequate to say that . Your first born-who is so special.
My heart goes out to you

NatGeo · 30/07/2015 21:03

I know what you mean by having to be strong for others, to keep smiling and pretending all is well when you are dying inside Sad. As mums we take so much on. The pain of your loss will never go away but gradually you will be able to be happy again and cope better, i think your dear dear son would like that Smile.

RainbowInACloud · 30/07/2015 21:06

Oh darling. I'm listening. I am so sorry you feel like this.
This moment where you sound so desperate will pass, there will be light again some day.
We're here. We're listening.

Original poster
minmooch · 30/07/2015 21:08

Daft my lovely Alex is away with his Dad. So I guess this is the time I can fall apart without him being aware. I have fabulous friends, who are all away at the moment. I've done a year of counselling, I have a great GP. It's the thoughts that go round and round. The loneliness that is always there, even when I'm surrounded. Sometimes it just gets too much.

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AWhistlingWoman · 30/07/2015 21:11

I'm so deeply sorry. Your beautiful, first born son and your dear mother.

Reaching out a hand to you at this dark time.