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Bereavement

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My beautiful son

999 replies

minmooch · 26/02/2014 17:13

After nearly two and a half years of a fight with cancer my beautiful 18 year old son passed away this morning at 11:20 am.

I am humbled by his strength and humour that he has shown throughout his short life.

OP posts:
Baddz · 30/07/2015 21:13

You are very much being heard, min.
xxxx

minmooch · 30/07/2015 21:15

I did a long walk with the dog this afternoon. I begged and begged for a sign. Anything. To let me know you are there, somewhere. It's daft because I don't know what I believe. I just know you should be here snd I'm so angry that you suffered so much. You deserved so much more.

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Lolly86 · 30/07/2015 21:19

I'm so sorry for your loss x

paddlenorapaddle · 30/07/2015 21:25

oh min i'm so very sorry for your loss, I have no words just lots of empathy at this awful time x

NatGeo · 30/07/2015 21:37

Min We're listening.

LilyTheSavage · 30/07/2015 21:43

I wonder when I see a large yellow butterfly if that's a sign..... and then I think that Paddy would think I'd gone completely mad. Do you think they are causing mayhem somewhere else, taking the piss and just laughing at us? Wish you were here my darling friend. Wine

minmooch · 30/07/2015 21:46

I had a Red Admiral sit near me when I was drinking wine. I asked it if it was Will. Mad. I'm mad. I'll be over soon. We shall drink wine, much wine ......

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morethanpotatoprints · 30/07/2015 21:51

I am so sorry x Thanks

NatGeo · 30/07/2015 23:00

Would you like to tell us a bit more about your Will? it seems some people might know your story here, but its new to some Smile what was his favourite food? did he like jokes?

loveliesbleeding1 · 30/07/2015 23:02

No,min, not mad, just trying to make sense of a situation that's beyond what a lot of people could cope with.sending much love x

loveliesbleeding1 · 30/07/2015 23:03

min,bold fail.

therealsquireofwideacre · 30/07/2015 23:12

So incredibly sorry Min that you are carrying this terrible grief. Words are very small and not enough for such vast emotions.

minmooch · 30/07/2015 23:41

Nat. I love to talk about my Will. He was a gorgeous baby, baby chubby in all the right places. He loved his food up until he was diagnosed. For those who don't know, my darling boy was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour just days before his 17th birthday. He fought valiantly for 27 months but it got him in the end aged 18 years, 3 months, 6 days. A 6ft tall, gentle, intelligent, funny, quirky boy. Full of love and mischief. I rarely left his side after diagnosis. It bought us so close, many people said we were like one. I knew him.

In the last few days of his life he was on steroids and for the first time in months he had an appetite. His favourite food was Greek food. And my home made steamed treacle sponge pudding with custard - a lad with good taste.

He loved reading. Voraciously. But the tumour/op gave him double vision for months. It took a year to right itself, he had a few months of good reading then his eyesight got worse. His favourite books were Lord of the Rings and he loved the films. The theme tune was one of his/now my favourites.

He had a wacky/tacky taste in ties. We spent hours in charity shops seeking out weird and wonderful ties. We have piano key ties. Moon landings, ducks, wales, hula girls. Ties in all colours. He was colourblind! They were supposed to wear business ties at school but Will was allowed to get away with his ties. He loved bow ties too.

He also loved watches and cuff links. For a boy of 18 he had a fair collection.

He loved CCF with a passion. My heart would break because sometimes it was the only thing that he could do during the week. He might throw up on the way to school, at school. But if he possibly and physically could he turned up to CCF. In full uniform. I would help him change. Help put on his boots, tie his laces. Button his shirts (his fingers were badly affected by the chemo). Push him in his wheelchair to the parade ground where he would say to me 'I can take it from here, Mum'. If he had the energy he would walk the last few steps, or else wheel himself. Sometimes he was so exhausted afterwards he was so still in the car that there were many times I thought he had died in the car.

He loved sailing. Joined a sailing club and used their access boat. Took me out in it. He felt free when sailing. Bless his heart.

I could go on and on and on. What a boy. Brave beyond belief. Thoughtful. Patient. Full of Grace. Cheeky, of what a cheeky monkey.

Just perfect. But now gone. So unfair. Only 18. Never got to kiss a girl. He told me he wished he had (how that pains me). Never got to drive. So close to it but so far.

My boy. My boy.

OP posts:
minmooch · 30/07/2015 23:42

That should read " he was diagnosed just days before his 16th birthday"

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hmc · 30/07/2015 23:52

From your description he sounds absolutely bloody lovely - what a dear boy. So very sorry x

minmooch · 31/07/2015 00:08

And he volunteered at a charity shop that was raising funds for scanners for earlier cancer diagnosis. Despite his illness he wanted to help others. He was so upset he could not give blood nor donate his organs.

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NatGeo · 31/07/2015 06:29

min He sounds absolutely lovely and a joy to be around. I love his obsession with ties! And yes he does sound quirky especially with a taste in 'Greek food' unusual in a teenager, most are into kfc, macdees. Sounds like with his ties, cuff links, hobbies, and food he was leaning towards becoming a very classy gentle man with exquisite taste! I think it was such a blessing to have gone sailing with your DS, what lovely memories. "I can take it from here mum!" That's his fighting spirit! That was it.

LilyTheSavage · 31/07/2015 07:16

You paint such a beautiful picture of such a wonderful young man. So fucking unfair.

Baddz · 31/07/2015 07:23

He sounds wonderful, min.
How are you this morning?
X

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/07/2015 07:38

((((((hugs)))))) for you min. I wish that your computer could reach round and hug you tight. I hope you wrap yourself tight in your Woolly Hug blanket and it gives you a tiny crumb of comfort, even though it can never bring back your Will, your love, your heart. Half of it, anyway.

ThanksStarWineCake, love and strength to you - but sometimes it's ok to crack and give in to it too. It's what makes us human. Sorry for the loss of your mum too, another huge gap. Take heart from your Alex - I hope he's back soon. xx

magimedi · 31/07/2015 07:39

Dear Min - I am sending you virtual hugs & looking west trying to urge them to reach you.

I am not surprised you are having a melt down being on your own. I know how much you put into keeping going for Alex so it's not surprising that everything is coming out whilst he is away.

I am so glad you have this space - come & rant & wail as much as you want. We will always be here for you.

(((xxx)))

minmooch · 31/07/2015 08:30

The sun is shining here so I'm going to take the hound for a walk and then spend some time in my allotment. Will and I started it together. When he was not well enough he could lie in his bed and see me in the allotment tending to our weeds/vegetables. He would make me text him photos if things growing. We 'grew' lots of slugs too so I'd throw in a slug photo to his delight. I speak to him there. I don't feel him at his grave, it's too painful. But at the allotment I talk to him, tell him what's growing, what I cooked. I can look up at his window and imagine him looking out at me.

He was truly extraordinary. I know we all think our kids are but when you see your child go through illness you realise how amazing they are. He knew he was going to die. Fought it to the end. Fought it with hope. Two days before he died, and one of the last things he said to me was 'Mum I AM going to go to university'. Of course you are I replied. We both knew he wasn't. He made everyone around him smile.

He made a young girl change her direction in life and she now works as a nurse in the ICU dept for children.

One of his speech therapists was wavering in her career choice. After meeting him and working with him she said she felt energised, knew she was in the right occupation.

His amazing physiotherapist went on to create a county wide physiotherapy centre to be accessed by youngsters after leaving hospital. She saw from him how he was let down by services outside of being an inpatient. For some kids she has righted a wrong.

The whole two years of his 6th form signed up to the Anthony Nokan Trust the day after he died.

He is missed so painfully. But I don't regret a moment. If I had to do it all again, knowing the outcome I would, just to have the chance of knowing and loving such an extraordinary person.

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minmooch · 31/07/2015 08:37

Tears are flowing again.

He say next to Prince Harry at an awards dinner and made him laugh throughout. He told the nation, via an interview broadcast on itv news, that I was going to look longingly into the eyes of Prince Harry throughout dinner (I did!).

He also fought with his brother, he was normal after all. They argued about all sorts. I miss that. I miss making him eggy bread. Finding little notes that he would leave me. I have searched his bedroom high and low for any messages from him. I wondered if he would leave me something to find.

What a loss. I still don't believe it.

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magimedi · 31/07/2015 08:42

Oh Min - such an amazing boy, such a dreadful loss.

You will be in my thoughts more than ever today. I'm going to have a sea swim & when I leap in I'll be thinking of you & sending love out over the ocean.

minmooch · 31/07/2015 08:53

Thank you Magi. Will adored swimming in the sea - would stay in until his lips were blue. He had no fear.

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