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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My beautiful son

999 replies

minmooch · 26/02/2014 17:13

After nearly two and a half years of a fight with cancer my beautiful 18 year old son passed away this morning at 11:20 am.

I am humbled by his strength and humour that he has shown throughout his short life.

OP posts:
Millie2013 · 25/05/2014 22:38

(((Min))) You don't always have to be strong, it can't be possible. Are you getting any support? I still think about you, lots xx

The allotment sounds like it's coming along well. Is there a tame allotment neighbour you can ask if the broad beans are ready? I wouldn't have a clue, but would like to try growing my own veg, one day..

magimedi · 25/05/2014 23:13

min - I can totally understand why you walked away.

And you never, ever, have to be strong here - all of us are ready to hear you - even though we are strangers & all we can give you is a cyber hug.

Lots of them coming from me to you.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DianaTrent · 25/05/2014 23:19

Thinking of you, min. I hope your younger boy's exams go well. Thanks

trulymadlydeeply · 29/05/2014 16:09

Thinking of you Min. How are you today? Lots of love and warm thoughts. S x

Millie2013 · 29/05/2014 20:33

Sending more hugs, Min, in case they are needed. Thinking of you and your boys xx

ClockWatchingLady · 30/05/2014 18:24

I also can totally understand why you walked away, min.

That sounds like one great allotment.

Also sending hugs, and am here listening, whatever you may ever want to say X

ClockWatchingLady · 17/06/2014 11:24

I walked past the local allotments on the way to work this morning and have been thinking of Will and you. Sending love.

Original poster
minmooch · 26/06/2014 20:24

Thank you for thinking of us Clock.

My darling, funny, gentle, brave boy. It's been 4 months today that you left us. My love for you feels like such pain, it sears my heart. I love you so much. Your brother and I shared a tear today as we both remembered you in telling stories. I am so sorry I could not save you. Xxxxxxx

OP posts:
Eleanor02 · 27/06/2014 19:49

Dear Minmooch

I've just come across your thread. Lifting up my cup of tea to you, Will and his brother. And holding you in my thoughts this evening. I hope you find some strength in these messages of support and love. You describe your pain so clearly. Please believe that by and by the searing pain will ease.

I love what's growing in your allotment. I have a glut of courgettes and am giving them to friends who are using them in all sorts of interesting way such as courgette cup cakes and pancakes. Mmmmm

ClockWatchingLady · 01/07/2014 16:03

Oh minmooch.
Over four months without your Will. Your love for your amazing boy is palpable even over the internet. I know we've never met, but I am so very confident that he could not have asked for a better mum than you.
I'm so very, very sorry. Thanks

Badvoc2 · 01/07/2014 16:06

Dearest min.
I don't post often it you and will are often in my thoughts.
Xxxx

Original poster
minmooch · 04/07/2014 00:14

I love you and can't stop crying tonight. Xxx

OP posts:
somedizzywhore1804 · 04/07/2014 00:36

Wish I could say anything that was helpful. So sorry for your loss. X

ExcuseTypos · 04/07/2014 00:41

(((((Min))))) xxx

upto11 · 04/07/2014 22:19

Min - I'm sorry you're feeling so particularly sad this evening. And sorry that I haven't got anything more helpful to say. I think of you, Will and his brother often. Sending you lots of love, and unmumsnetty hugs.

magimedi · 04/07/2014 22:46

Min - I just don't have words to help you, I am but a stranger on a page but I am thinking of you.

Crying is fine, weep all you want & tell us (as you have). There will always & always be someone here for you.

(((XXX)))

ClockWatchingLady · 11/07/2014 23:27

Just thinking of you and your boys, minmooch. Sending love. X

Original poster
minmooch · 14/08/2014 21:59

My darling boy I love you. Grief is like a madness. One minute I am manic, the next exhausted, the next steely cold, the next reckless. It goes round and round. I am trying to cling on to living without you but every day is painful. It feels like I count each breath. Watching the time go by. Waiting. But what for? I am restless. I am exhausted. I feel out if control of my emotions and it is scary.

Today you should have picked up your A level results. We should be celebrating and planning your university years. I have seen messages about your friends' achievements and it is hard.

Your brother got his AS results today. You would be very proud of him for his superb results.

I am so proud if your brother. But I am so sad that you are not here to be planning your future.

I cannot be strong today. I am too tired to be strong for one child whilst grieving for another. I am lost.

OP posts:
Jokat · 14/08/2014 23:09

Oh Min, what a hard day for you.
I've not posted before but followed yours and Will 's story for a long time. Still thinking of you often. Xxx

ClockWatchingLady · 15/08/2014 16:23

((min))

It is so desperately unfair that Will is not with you picking up his A-level results and planning for university. And that you should have to experience such unfathomable grief, in all the relentless aspects you describe.

Many, many congratulations to your DS2. What a tribute to all three of you that he has done so well.

I, too, think of you all often. Sending love. X

Deverethemuzzler · 15/08/2014 21:25

This is a shockingly hard time of year Min.
It caught me by surprise just how hard.

I am so sorry you are having to live this pain.

Flowers
Applefallingfromthetree2 · 15/08/2014 21:37

Min-I am so sorry. I don't know what to say that would be helpful except that I am thinking of you even though I do not know you.

I hope that the wonderful memories you have of your beautiful son bring you and his brother some comfort.

Take care of yourself too.

RainbowInACloud · 07/09/2014 19:03

Still thinking of you min.

ClockWatchingLady · 26/09/2014 21:23

I've been thinking of you a lot today, minmooch.
Sending love.

Original poster
minmooch · 10/10/2014 13:53

I am so fucking tired of being on this fucking grief journey. I am so fucking alone, being so fucking brave, all of the fucking time. Can you tell I am angry?

I am tired of being the lady that is so brave, the lady that continues keeping on after all that has been thrown at her.

I try to find the beauty in life but I wish it would knock on my door for a change and throw itself at me because searching for it is too hard.

I miss my son so much it is like a knife through my heart. Everything is tinged with sadness, regret, anger, pain. I do things but it is all too much, too painful. I didn't want him to suffer any more, the last week of his life was so distressing, but I didn't want him to leave me. I am no one. I am just this shell, a mixture of broken pieces only just held together.

I know I have another son, another son to live for. But this too feels such a responsibility. If he weren't here then I could end my suffering. But I live for him now, and that life is painful. And that pain is hidden so that my surviving son can live his life to the full.

And so it goes on and on and on and on ..........................

OP posts: