My beautiful son

[minmooch]

After nearly two and a half years of a fight with cancer my beautiful 18 year old son passed away this morning at 11:20 am.

I am humbled by his strength and humour that he has shown throughout his short life.

Deepest condolences minmooch. Will be thinking of you. .

Still thinking of you, Min (have been absent, due to re-setting password malfunction, but you have been in my thoughts) x

Thinking of you and your boys, Minmooch.

And here, listening, should that ever be of any use.

I still think of you often Min. This awful disease is so unfair, so indiscriminate, so cruel. Your beautiful son had the best life you could give him. Take care of yourself and his brother now. Take care min. Hugs.

Thank you all xxx

My darling boy - I have been in Spain for 9 days to have some rest. I don't like to say it was a holiday as that feels wrong. I could not take one photo as again that would have implied a holiday. Your brother stayed at your Dad's. It was weird having no responsibilities although I did look after your grandmother as she is fragile at the moment. We talked about you lots. I cried often. Drank lots of wine and ate well.

Salsa's husband has joined you. I saw him before I left and told him to find you and give you a kiss from me. Daft I know.

I was pleased to get home though. I feel closer to you here I can go out today to our allotment and see how our seeds are growing. You'd never believe it but the potatoes are growing (or something is!). Your Sweet William's have germinated so I will put them in the garden and the allotment. I've been given some courgettes which I am keeping away from Harvey so they have a chance to grow before he eats them! Thank you for making us get an allotment - when I am there I can see you digging weeds and planting the broad beans (they are nearly ready). I love you with every beat of my heart xxxxx

I don't know what to say, but I'm sitting here in tears at the pain, the loss, the unfairness of it all.
Your love and your bond with your boy shine through your words. I hope you feel him close to you as you potter in your allotment and watch the plants bud and bloom

I have no words that can help you, Min but I am glad you have been away & eaten well & drunk wine & had time with your DM.

I hope your allotment flourishes.

Glad you're finding such peace in your allotment, Min. Thinking of you and sending you love.

S xx

The love and peace of your and Will's allotment is almost tangible from your post. It's lovely to hear about what you're growing. X

Gardening is a good time to think about those we love. I do it too.

Your allotment sounds amazing, and it is wonderful that it is part of Will like this. xx

I'm so so sorry too see this :( x

Think about you often. Hope you're finding some peace. xx

My darling boy oh how I miss you. Terrible crying day today. I went to your grave - it does not seem real. We got two cats yesterday, a mother and son, from the rescue centre. They are gorgeous. It him me today that you will never meet them nor they you. It knocked me for 6 really. Don't know why, I suppose it makes your death seem real.

It's Marks funeral on Friday, in the same place as yours and service to be taken by the same Chaplain. Don't know if I will be able to go and yet I feel I need to go. Part of it is selfishness - I didn't cry at your funeral and I want to cry there for you. Am I punishing myself though?

It's all too much today my darling boy. I miss you, I need you. I can't feel you. It's so painful. I wish it were all so different.

Min - I can hear your pain.

And I can do nothing but send you a huge cyber hug from a total stranger to say that I hear your voice across the internet.

I think, on one hand, you may be very regretful if you don't go to Mark's funeral, but, on the other hand, you don't have to go & you do not have to decide until Friday.

All I can say is that I think of you & yours every day.

Thank you Magi for your kind words.

Virtual arms around you, Min...
Hoping you've had a better few days since your last post. Thinking of you with love. X xx

I'm sorry that things are so unbearably hard, Min. I do think of you often xxx

Been thinking about you today, and your amazing boy. xx

Thinking of you today Min.

I also have been thinking of you, and of Will, today. I think of your allotment and your Sweet Williams whenever I go into the garden.
Sending love. X

Thinking of you and your family, Min.

How is the allotment coming along, Min? And most importantly, how are you? Xx

Thank you all for your thoughts. The allotment is coming on well - have now added spinach, peas, lettuce, aubergines, courgettes, cucumbers, butternut squash, beetroot, broccoli and chillis into it. Broad beans look like they could be ready but I'm such a novice/numpty I don't know what anything looks like when it's ready. Doesn't really matter - as distraction techniques go at least it's positive.

My darling boy - I'm struggling with out you. I'm struggling to make sense of things. I'm fed up of this grieving lark - please let it all have been a nightmare. 18 years old - your whole life ahead of you. It's not right. I don't want to be strong and a great example - I just want to be boring, leading a normal life with both my boys here.

I went to your grave yesterday but the man next door was looking after his wife's grave. She too died of cancer but at 66. Too young but a lot more life then you had. I can't give sympathy and had to walk away.

I love you Will. I wish you were here with us. I don't want to do it without you. Xxx