Hi Natalie. I'm so sorry to hear that you're in this terribly sad situation. I went through similar last year with both of my parents and- looking back- I don't know how I got through each day, but I did, with the support of my lovely husband and children, my brother and my friends. Lean on whoever you can, whenever you can. It is so, so hard, and so very exhausting. Trying to get your head round the fact your loved one is going to die, while they are ill, is harder in some ways than actually dealing with the death when it happens. In my experience, it can be normal to wonder how on earth you're possibly going to cope and survive once they've gone. But we all do, somehow. It's a dreadful time and my heart goes out to you. In the meantime, I hope your dad is being kept comfortable and pain-free. As for keeping things normal for your daughter...well, in some ways, having children helps you keep putting one foot in front of the other, because we have to meet their needs, so at least it gives our day some structure and purpose. But at the same time, I'm a big believer that it's ok for children to see us cry and get angry (to a degree). These are healthy, human emotions and our children learn from us that these feelings are 'ok'- that they won't kill us, and that there is a way to let them out in a safe way.
mummylin I'm so pleased you spent some time at the party, and that it was ok. What a shame your siblings didn't visit the crematorium, but I think some people have more of a connection to such places than others do. At least you went, and your lovely daughter, and others by the sounds of things.
Finola How lovely about the tree! I have a similar view re spirituality, and have also been able to take some comfort from the natural processes around me. My parents' ashes are interred at a natural burial ground in beautiful countryside. There is a silver birch tree on their plot. I visited on Saturday and was delighted to find that the tree has now sprouted its leaves and catkins, and has grown considerably taller since we last visited. Dad's ashes were interred in October, and mum's only a few weeks ago, so seeing the tree looking so magnificent really helped me to feel that mum and dad's ashes are contributing to that environment around them. That the tree has experienced this sudden boost from the nutrients in the soil, thanks to mum and dad. And even more fittingly, the words on dad's plaque are 'I'll be tall and standing strongly in the beauty of the sun' (words from a Pam Ayres poem chosen by my mum). As I was standing admiring the tree, the sun came out from behind a cloud. There was a feeling of 'rightness' about it, and I wish I could thank mum for her foresight in choosing those words for dad's plaque.